Post: #1

What the hell happened here guys?

She's 31, I'm 29. She's about a 7, petite. My game is mediocre. Two weeks ago we're both at the coffee machines getting coffee for our teams. I go to one machine, she quickly taps a button on my machine as in getting in front. I grab her arm firmly and tell her jokingly that she has her own machine. We laugh it off. Since then it's on.

Every time we see each other there's touching, smiling. There's no time to have a convo because of work though. Yesterday for example she passes behind me, pokes me in the back then waits for me to turn around (which I do casually). I say hi, she smiles and then walks away. A few other things you might want to know:

- She's in an LTR, I'm in an LTR and I'm guessing she knows it
- however: she's actively avoiding mention of her boyfriend
- her eyes light up like a christmas tree when she sees me, and she gets very active
- touching every time we see each other
- strong eye contact

After this has been going on for two weeks I thought I had seen enough and decided to make my next move today while the iron is hot. I email her after seeing her where grabbed her arm and she was very ok with it. Here's how it goes word for word:

me: wanna catch the train together today? (we get to work by public transport)
her: i'm a diva. getting picked up :-D
me: liar (calling her out on being a diva and getting picked up)
her: whatever. but i am getting picked up. (is actually the truth)
me: joke ;-)

Shots fired, I'm down. My plan was to catch the train together, then I'd invite her into a loungebar get a few drinks and go for the kiss.

So what the hell happened here guys? Did I misinterpret her signals? Was my game weak? Was she just attention whoring? I can't get my head around this as the signals were as clear as night and day, at least to me.

Rip me apart.

Post: #2

Maybe she was getting picked up, doesn't mean you struck out. Good thing is, you know where she works. You will see her again. She now knows you're interested in seeing her outside of work. Just sit back and see what signals she gives you.

Post: #3

I just think she genuinely was being picked up. Just ask if she wants to go out sometime, and guage her reactions to that.

From what you've put, it's clear she wants you. Try to keep aloof but playful.

Post: #4

I will definitely keep you updated guys.

Post: #5

You didn't get blown out, since she was being real about getting picked up

She may or may not be happy in her current situation, but your next move is to just be yourself and to continue to make your intentions be known. Somewhere this is an unofficial book written about not fucking with chicks from the job as it gets messy

There are some girls who can keep it under their hats, but certainly not most. Coupled with the fact, that you both have are involved in LTR's.

You could just keep playing the excruciating guessing game, not really knowing for sure. Or you can take steps to see what's up. There are ways to do so without making the workplace awkward or uncomfortable. From my humble perspective, if you do decide to push up on Suzy coworker just go direct with an invite, that way you can gauge her interest or if she is just being flirty/nice. Even though a shared train ride is innocuous enough, her bf is probably the one picking her up. That only makes your indirect approach even more difficult.

No sense in half doing a 'ting

Post: #6

Your game is mediocre
You work together? (our teams)
You're both in relationships.
You invited her out, she didn't give you a clear no.

I think this is a horrible prospect.
If you're hoping for a mini affair, perhaps you're better off building interest via text, instead of putting all your hopes on her changing her schedule last minute

I wouldn't do this.

WIA

Post: #7

You seem a little over invested bro. You were obviously fantasizing about catching the train with her and a subsequent flirtatious encounter ending in a kiss.

May be back off a little then escalate by having her meet you for a drink after work...or screwing in the supply closet. If you can't get get a quick bang, I'd listen to WIA and let it go since it probably won't end well.

Post: #8

Strong advice, appreciate it guys.

(05-12-2015 12:46 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  You seem a little over invested bro. You were obviously fantasizing about catching the train with her and a subsequent flirtatious encounter ending in a kiss.

Very true, had it all planned out.

Post: #9

(05-12-2015 11:37 AM)dark_g Wrote:  Maybe she was getting picked up, doesn't mean you struck out. Good thing is, you know where she works. You will see her again. She now knows you're interested in seeing her outside of work. Just sit back and see what signals she gives you.

I agree. Stay aloof and keep making it fun. Sometimes you need a little patience. Don't become attached to the outcome, that is where the emotions come into play if it doesn't go the way you want. Be detached.

Post: #10

I have to co-sign with WIA....you don't shit where you eat if it's in a career working environment.

If you really have a hard on with this chick...Dark & Sam rout works. Stay aloof - keep it light and funny.

Are you actively gaming other girls outside of work ? (I know you have a GF)

Post: #11

I game only during the weekends when i go out. Mostly club game, which i kinda like.

Definitely need to detach more. We'll see how it goes the coming week. I'll keep the aloofness. If she cools down so be it.

Post: #12

HOLY FUCK DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

Ive done what youve done with far more success and at the end of the day it wasnt the successful choice

Edit: Use female coworkers for their friends, but please just trust me and dont try to bang them, or actually bang them for that matter

Post: #13

(05-13-2015 09:44 AM)Lochte Wrote:  HOLY FUCK DONT SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

Ive done what youve done with far more success and at the end of the day it wasnt the successful choice

Edit: Use female coworkers for their friends, but please just trust me and dont try to bang them, or actually bang them for that matter

People keep saying dont shit where you eat a bazillion times, but thread like these just keep popping up.

OP has been here for a while, so Im sure he is aware of this.

I think we should now assume that he has made his choice and ready to deal with the consequences, whatever those are. Plus, I feel he s investing enough in this, us telling him to back off isnt gonna do shit.

Sometimes its best to learn a lesson the hard way. And who knows, it might work out for him.

Post: #14

(05-13-2015 10:10 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  People keep saying dont shit where you eat a bazillion times, but thread like these just keep popping up.

OP has been here for a while, so Im sure he is aware of this.

I think we should now assume that he has made his choice and ready to deal with the consequences, whatever those are. Plus, I feel he s investing enough in this, us telling him to back off isnt gonna do shit.

Sometimes its best to learn a lesson the hard way. And who knows, it might work out for him.

But you don't understand, this girl is DIFFERENT.

We must remove this mindset.

Not criticizing the OP but you're right these threads do pop up alot.

When someone makes a post I immediately know that a girl has affected so much that they need advice from random people on the internet glue together by a common cause.

Post: #15

Look guys....she's hot, showed interest....so naturally I want to fuck her. I've never messed with girls from work, just let me have a go at this. I'm bored to death. If it goes south, it goes south. kaotic & dalaran, you guys are right and I highly appreciate your advice, but I already made up my mind.

Didn't come across her in the office today, it was a busy day. Didn't want to send her another email. I'll update you guys as soon as I have news. Either the pussy has dried up or we're still on and playing the patience game.

Thanks guys.

Post: #16

Can you throw in a few approaches for other girls in the meantime?

The phrase "playing the patience game" made me cringe a little.

Post: #17

Fair enough Low, give us a progress report.

Post: #18

(05-13-2015 12:05 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  Can you throw in a few approaches for other girls in the meantime?

The phrase "playing the patience game" made me cringe a little.

I understand, but there aren't really any other options. I'm going out this friday with a wing. Will approach like crazy.

(05-13-2015 12:13 PM)kaotic Wrote:  Fair enough Low, give us a progress report.

Will do, thank you so far.

Post: #19

I think it's normal to become attracted to women we see almost every day, especially if they give us IOIs. One of the biggest benefits that came from my getting a pipeline of girls outside of work is that I no longer feel the same compulsion to puruse any of the women connected to my work organization. Now, I can practice my aloof frame with them. It helps with my overall frame and internal game.

Imagine if you have a few 7.5s or 8s with no connection to your work on rotation. Then, when a woman at work like the one you're talking about tries to flirt with you, you can be just like "Whatever". That's power.

Post: #20

She's at work. She's older than you. Her value is in decline, yours has been on the incline for just a few years.

Women at this age get very picky because they are seeking to sell their stocks to the highest Beta bidder.

Avoid.

Post: #21

Very good advice here.

I believe in "don't shit where you eat".

There're lots of attractive women of all ages at my office (its actually a Newsroom with +200 people sitting there) Most of them flirt and IOI with almost every man like there's no tomorrow.

In my experience, 75% are looking for nothing but extra-validation.

It's your choice but I'd avoid.

Anyway, good luck & have fun!

Post: #22

Please delete ._.

Post: #23

disclaimer: don't shit where you eat

Now that we've covered that. Don't escalate to trying to do something alone with just the two of you yet, you need to create a plausible "it just happened" especially because you are both in relationships.

Your job is to get 'your teams' out for drinks after work, your next job is to make sure that you and this woman are the last ones a the bar. Her hamster will then be greased with this story "we were at a work thing, I had some drinks, I didn't mean it to, but it just happened"

You need to give her an easy route to rationalize whatever is going to happen. You two alone at a bar or on a train gives her time to think "oh man, this is wrong, I am a slut"

Post: #24

(05-14-2015 03:32 PM)Dr. Howard Wrote:  disclaimer: don't shit where you eat

noted

Now that we've covered that. Don't escalate to trying to do something alone with just the two of you yet, you need to create a plausible "it just happened" especially because you are both in relationships.

Your job is to get 'your teams' out for drinks after work, your next job is to make sure that you and this woman are the last ones a the bar. Her hamster will then be greased with this story "we were at a work thing, I had some drinks, I didn't mean it to, but it just happened"

You need to give her an easy route to rationalize whatever is going to happen. You two alone at a bar or on a train gives her time to think "oh man, this is wrong, I am a slut"

Incredible advice right here. There's definitely this aspect. If we're still on I'll absolutely try and create a situation like this. Either this or she has gone cold. I'll have the answer tomorrow.

Thanks guys.

Post: #25

I am Team Shitting Where You Eat Is Acceptable.

Done it countless times and haven't been caught. Notch is 3-4 in my office; all have boyfriends which is leverage towards silence.

Internalize the difference between honesty and discretion.

@OP: Tone down the flirting with her and flirt with other coworkers in-front of her. Make her simmer and watch her receptiveness increase.

It's pretty much convenience game ala Jariel, so make them jealous and want to fight over you.

Dr. Howard is right for the most part, plausible deniability + alcohol are your best wingmen in the workplace, outside of the workplace.