Post: #1

I’m putting it out there because that’s a situation that isn't remotely similar to what I've experienced meeting girls so far. Alas, some experienced posters could shed some light and this could help others in a similar situation in the future. You can treat it as a case study.

Met a girl through dg, 20yo, went on a couple dates, she was keen but I got cockblocked by… her parents. They seemed obsessed about controlling her and didn’t trust her decisions. You’d be amazed what a smartphone can do even if you live thousands miles away from home. The girl needed to have her GPS on at all times and was barraged with messages/texts/calls almost every few minutes. if she wouldn't reply quickly then she'd have to show on a video call where she was - saw this in action. Made her see shrink and insisted shrink would debrief them (shrink refused) She couldn’t walk into city areas where she’s got ‘no business to be in’. She wouldn’t have it but they threaten they'd stop funding her degree if she didn’t comply. So, she did. I hope you get the picture.

Here’s a little background. The girl was born in US, half white, half Asian. Her attitude is more US than Asian like and she appears to be very liberal. Parents divorced early, mother remarried to an Asian dude when the girl was a teenager. She applied to study in US and UK and chose UK. In the meantime, just before she left for UK she’d met a guy over twice her age (she admitted she prefers older guys) but had to leave for UK and was supposed to have sex with him when back for Christmas. Apparently, parents found out what she was up to (the old guy had girls in rotation and was into kinky stuff - I suspect they made her believe some of it) so they got a much firmer grip and, essentially, imposed embargo on doing what girls her age allowed to do - meet guys, have sex and relationships.

Enter me. Of course, I haven’t learnt the full story until far down the road. She claimed she hasn’t done anything sex related (surprising, I know, but read on). Parents were against the idea of her meeting me but she somehow persuaded them to pull back and trust her so things got a bit better, apparently. Because she had to go back for the summer after exams, there was little time for anything. Thus, we met some 10-12 times (last few times were secretive).

Here’s the funny part. She couldn’t have had sex. Basically, the girl was so tight (vaginismus?) I couldn’t get it in over a few nights despite all my expertise and working it slowly up to two fingers. There was no time to book a visit with a gynecologist, though she had first appointment to talk about contraceptives. And, anyway, she was supposed to be back so thought there was no rush. Now, I’ll admit I got to like the girl. For her age, she’s very smart, got great looks, emotionally stable-ish (so far) and seemed like a very high T girl. We parted in expectation to restart shortly.

After she came back to US the hell broke loose. Her parents brainwashed her, I believe, she can’t be meeting me because I would mentor her and it would lead to unhealthy relationship. Well, I’m older than she is but it’s less than 10 years. They made her to agree not to contact me or reply to me through any means of communication. She made it crystal clear she wants (wanted?) to be with me but has to follow with her parents orders and be honest with them so she can’t be in touch with me. The key reason she caved in is because of stress to keep fighting with her parents everyday over me and for her basic, dear I say, human rights. The last time we had video call she was resigned, looked pitifully sad and helpless. After a few weeks, things, thanks to irregular interaction died down.

She will be back in a month's time. Here’s the thing - she’s moving into all girls flat where all of them have normal parents and let them do what adults can do. She will be a social outcast and will face big social pressure to conform to live a life of girl her age, I think. Apparently, girls made a bet who'd have sex first in a flat (of course, it was her to win) and I think all other girls have had sex by now (ironically, her best friend, who is a couple years younger than her, lost her V card some months ago). She badly wanted to lose her V card. She will frequent same places I do and we,willingly or not, will bump into each other on a weekly basis. She’d also live some 10 minutes walk away from me. Her parents, though controlling as they were, will be far away. Here are the questions:


1. Is it a dysfunctional family and are her stepdad and mother inflicting damage?
2. Why is stepdad so fiercely (emotionally?) engaged depsite the fact he isn't a biological father at all?
3. Shall I consider reaching out to her parents and ask them to meet so they’d see I’m a cool guy?
4. Shall I keep her in the background and see if her emotions will rekindle and she’ll contact me?
5. Shall I acknowledge her when seeing her or ignore?
6. Any other ideas?

No need to tell me I should move on, forget, or get another girl - I have emotionally divested by now (but no to a null point - I wouldn't write it then, I think) and it's more of a case study for intelectual entertaintment as well as how to avoid or prevent unsuspecting cockblocking (is it typical for Asian parents to guard their kids as much?). Has anyone had to deal with something similar and what was the result?

k.

Post: #2

k.

Post: #3

Still invested or you wouldn't have written this long ass post asking for advice.

You already know the answer here bud - run away as fast as you can. And of anyone else here dealt with a similar situation and saw it all the way through, they aren't the type you should be taking advice from anyways.

Post: #4

I have been in this situation three years ago. The girl was Vietnamese and her parents were exactly as you described. Run for the hills man. You're fighting an uphill losing battle packaged with an emotional rollercoaster. The pussy isn't worth it, and you`ll be lucky to even get that.

Post: #5

(07-05-2015 12:43 PM)Asnluver Wrote:  I have been in this situation three years ago. The girl was Vietnamese and her parents were exactly as you described. Run for the hills man. You're fighting an uphill losing battle packaged with an emotional rollercoaster. The pussy isn't worth it, and you`ll be lucky to even get that.

Asnluver, thanks for your input. Could you elaborate a bit what was the background situation and what did you do once you learnt what things were like between the girl and her parents?

Post: #6

Why can't you just fuck this girl when you see her again?

When you bump into her make sure to insta-date or invite her somewhere. When she's with you pull the battery of out her phone.

Post: #7

(07-06-2015 12:55 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Why can't you just fuck this girl when you see her again?

When you bump into her make sure to insta-date or invite her somewhere. When she's with you pull the battery of out her phone.

That's a good idea, Samseau, as long as she complies... Having been back here, parents there, social pressure to lose her V-card would make it easiest to do with me. However, I wouldn't be able to pull the battery out of her iPhone, turn it off at best (unless you meant it figuratively?).

Post: #8

(07-07-2015 12:25 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

(07-06-2015 12:55 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Why can't you just fuck this girl when you see her again?

When you bump into her make sure to insta-date or invite her somewhere. When she's with you pull the battery of out her phone.

That's a good idea, Samseau, as long as she complies... Having been back here, parents there, social pressure to lose her V-card would make it easiest to do with me. However, I wouldn't be able to pull the battery out of her iPhone, turn it off at best (unless you meant it figuratively?).

Hide the phone. Throw it away. Take charge. Be a man. Get rid of it!!!

Post: #9

(07-09-2015 01:16 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

(07-07-2015 12:25 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

(07-06-2015 12:55 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Why can't you just fuck this girl when you see her again?

When you bump into her make sure to insta-date or invite her somewhere. When she's with you pull the battery of out her phone.

That's a good idea, Samseau, as long as she complies... Having been back here, parents there, social pressure to lose her V-card would make it easiest to do with me. However, I wouldn't be able to pull the battery out of her iPhone, turn it off at best (unless you meant it figuratively?).

Hide the phone. Throw it away. Take charge. Be a man. Get rid of it!!!

Samseau, I'd like to follow on your advice!

Was about to contact her tonight. However, it looks like a girl got herself a boyfriend (judging by her instagram picture and caption) of the same 'appropriate' race, actually a little bit younger than her and studying the same degree (in other words, approved by her crazy parents).

I don't think there's a player who could provide a sound advice (apart from 'move on' - I work on other girls, as we speak, don't worry) in respect of playing any type of game here.

Post: #10

this is abuse
fake gps app. burner phone you buy for her. own separate checking account. own part time job. she needs to emacipate herself. also point out https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/ and https://www.reddit.com/r/asianparentstories .. let her vent and see she is not alone in this bs

Post: #11

(12-18-2015 01:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  this is abuse...

...she needs to emacipate herself.

What in the living fuck? Since when has this ever been a sentiment this forum has had towards women?

I must be confused.

Sounds like you've stumbled onto a female who's parents are keeping her away from some pretty negative parts of modern culture. If you don't want her, why are you so interested in corrupting her?

Post: #12

(12-18-2015 01:04 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 01:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  this is abuse...

...she needs to emacipate herself.

What in the living fuck? Since when has this ever been a sentiment this forum has had towards women?

I must be confused.

Sounds like you've stumbled onto a female who's parents are keeping her away from some pretty negative parts of modern culture. If you don't want her, why are you so interested in corrupting her?

I'm not sure if you understood what I meant - did you read the background story?

Post: #13

(12-18-2015 01:13 PM)ksbms Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 01:04 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 01:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  this is abuse...

...she needs to emacipate herself.

What in the living fuck? Since when has this ever been a sentiment this forum has had towards women?

I must be confused.

Sounds like you've stumbled onto a female who's parents are keeping her away from some pretty negative parts of modern culture. If you don't want her, why are you so interested in corrupting her?

I'm not sure if you understood what I meant - did you read the background story?

Yeah I read it through a few times and I'm re-reading again now. I guess I find it kind of confusing though, which could just be my brain...

Post: #14

I also know of overbearing parents "looking out for their child".

I started talking to a 19 year old girl on another forum that I was moderator of about two years ago - Same age as me at the time. We had mutual friends on the forum, and we'd all hang out in a private chat room and put the forum to rights. She lived about 90 minutes away by train from my university, but even though myself and a few of our mutual friends would put on our webcams, she never would. She was extremely frigid and anxious - she even suffered from anxiety issues (I think from over-controlling parents who never did anything to boost her self-esteem). She had a very regimented schedule enforced by her parents. Every day she'd come online at 7pm, her internet would turn off at 9pm (by the parents) so she could get ready for bed. She'd be back online at 10pm before going to bed at 11pm (again by parents enforcement). Pretty sure she had a shrink too. Her parents had succeeded in hiding her away from some grim realities of society, but she had experienced much less than most girls her age (on the flip side, she'd also experienced better than some girls her age).

I told her to come and visit me, and she did (she had a fairly obvious crush on me and my voice). Picked her up at the station and took her back to mine. Super frigid, but managed to get the kiss (nothing more though). She was actually fairly pretty, probably a 6 or 7, but it was her anxiety and sense of paranoia that's more of a turn-off.

We had a careful online mini-relationship, which she ended because I banned one of her best friends (another guy she had a crush on). She now hates my guts (not that I care).

Game that works best on this type is nice-guy game. Just be a bit of a clown, a bit of a nerd (like Dr Who or whatever the heck she does) and make her laugh a lot.

Be prepared to be in it for the VERY LONG TERM.

If not, then move on.

Post: #15

(12-18-2015 01:04 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 01:00 PM)Virtus Wrote:  this is abuse...

...she needs to emacipate herself.

What in the living fuck? Since when has this ever been a sentiment this forum has had towards women?

I must be confused.

Sounds like you've stumbled onto a female who's parents are keeping her away from some pretty negative parts of modern culture. If you don't want her, why are you so interested in corrupting her?

Sentiment on the forum? Do you think this is a herd?

In my world adult people of any kind should be able to do whatever the fuck they want. Those that fail at something failed to learn something from their experience

Post: #16

1. Is it a dysfunctional family and are her stepdad and mother inflicting damage?

-Sounds like the typical Asian American parenting. It's up to her to assert that she's an adult and can walk around in the city without doing a video chat with them. Nothing will change until she has the balls to challenge the insanity.

2. Why is stepdad so fiercely (emotionally?) engaged depsite the fact he isn't a biological father at all?

-Who knows. Just following mom maybe. Doesn't really matter.

3. Shall I consider reaching out to her parents and ask them to meet so they’d see I’m a cool guy?

-Naw, not unless you get into a longer term relationship. She needs to start acting like an adult before that, to break free from the overbearing demands. If she doesn't do that first you're just going to be dealing with this nonsense sneaking around.

4. Shall I keep her in the background and see if her emotions will rekindle and she’ll contact me?

-Sure. Wouldn't put a lot of effort into it though.

5. Shall I acknowledge her when seeing her or ignore?

-Nothing wrong with acknowledging her.

6. Any other ideas?

-I think you have way more emotional investment in this than you should, given the hassle. I think the V card is clouding your judgement and normal tolerance level.

Post: #17

(12-18-2015 03:35 PM)GlobalMan Wrote:  1. Is it a dysfunctional family and are her stepdad and mother inflicting damage?

-Sounds like the typical Asian American parenting. It's up to her to assert that she's an adult and can walk around in the city without doing a video chat with them. Nothing will change until she has the balls to challenge the insanity.

2. Why is stepdad so fiercely (emotionally?) engaged depsite the fact he isn't a biological father at all?

-Who knows. Just following mom maybe. Doesn't really matter.

3. Shall I consider reaching out to her parents and ask them to meet so they’d see I’m a cool guy?

-Naw, not unless you get into a longer term relationship. She needs to start acting like an adult before that, to break free from the overbearing demands. If she doesn't do that first you're just going to be dealing with this nonsense sneaking around.

4. Shall I keep her in the background and see if her emotions will rekindle and she’ll contact me?

-Sure. Wouldn't put a lot of effort into it though.

5. Shall I acknowledge her when seeing her or ignore?

-Nothing wrong with acknowledging her.

6. Any other ideas?

-I think you have way more emotional investment in this than you should, given the hassle. I think the V card is clouding your judgement and normal tolerance level.

Thanks, GlobalMan, for your input. I think you're right that my judgement is clouded, perhaps due to past commitment and consistency and her being over 10 years my junior (being my age, it's quite a bit of a fit to pull a girl her age.) But now, she's got involved with a new guy, as far as I can tell and she most likely doesn't give a damn about me.

Post: #18

(12-18-2015 04:55 PM)ksbms Wrote:  But now, she's got involved with a new guy, as far as I can tell and she most likely doesn't give a damn about me.

Hey, we all want a virgin who's 10 years younger, so I get the draw, and the continued desire to make it happen. But, if she's moved on it's time for you to do the same. Keep it cordial should she re-appear, and if the opportunity presents itself again then go for it, but don't put much effort into it otherwise.

Best thing you can do is go look for the next sweet little thing. Soon, you may not even care about this chick.

Post: #19

(12-18-2015 05:08 PM)GlobalMan Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 04:55 PM)ksbms Wrote:  But now, she's got involved with a new guy, as far as I can tell and she most likely doesn't give a damn about me.

Hey, we all want a virgin who's 10 years younger, so I get the draw, and the continued desire to make it happen. But, if she's moved on it's time for you to do the same. Keep it cordial should she re-appear, and if the opportunity presents itself again then go for it, but don't put much effort into it otherwise.

Best thing you can do is go look for the next sweet little thing. Soon, you may not even care about this chick.

It just happens that she lives just a few street away from me so will bump into her (not sure if it's good or bad). Would you consider pinging her with a text msg to see where I stand in her mind or this would be too beta (like you said, she's moved on so probably pointless to do).

Post: #20

(12-18-2015 05:27 PM)ksbms Wrote:  Would you consider pinging her with a text msg to see where I stand in her mind or this would be too beta (like you said, she's moved on so probably pointless to do).

Definitely not. And not just in this situation, in any situation.

You never ask a girl where things stand. It's showing her you're needy, that she's in control of both you and the situation.

It's a sure fire way to make her completely lose any lingering interest.

If you mean just a text in general, yeah you could try that later down the line, something completely innocuous to gauge her interest, like Hank Moody's "chu doin" line or similar.

But the main point is, you have to stop chasing this girl now. Move on. Bang other girls. Even if you still care about this girl after that, it's still to your benefit to go after new girls- Nothing will pique her interest more than seeing you walking into your apt with another girl.

Post: #21

(12-18-2015 05:34 PM)GlobalMan Wrote:  

(12-18-2015 05:27 PM)ksbms Wrote:  Would you consider pinging her with a text msg to see where I stand in her mind or this would be too beta (like you said, she's moved on so probably pointless to do).

Definitely not. And not just in this situation, in any situation.

You never ask a girl where things stand. It's showing her you're needy, that she's in control of both you and the situation.

It's a sure fire way to make her completely lose any lingering interest.

If you mean just a text in general, yeah you could try that later down the line, something completely innocuous to gauge her interest, like Hank Moody's "chu doin" line or similar.

But the main point is, you have to stop chasing this girl now. Move on. Bang other girls. Even if you still care about this girl after that, it's still to your benefit to go after new girls- Nothing will pique her interest more than seeing you walking into your apt with another girl.

Great points, GlobalMan!

I meant a general text msg, though I guess it's always better to screen out a girl what she's feeling in person.

One more thing - interestingly, she's posted a pic with an "approved" type of guy who is Asian (posting many six-pack selfies), barely her age and is studying the same degree as hers (basically, classmates).

Which is in stark contrast with what she told me (ok, ok, girls say one thing, do another, right?), namely:

- That she liked and wanted to date only a white guy.
- That she liked older guys (at least 5-7 years older).
- That she liked guys with experience who know a lot about life.

Post: #22

Next!

Life's too short to deal with that drama.

Post: #23

(12-18-2015 08:27 PM)LeeEnfield303 Wrote:  Next!

Life's too short to deal with that drama.

I get you, LeeEnfield303 - a man needs to decide what are the cost vs benefit. If I were rationally bounded creature only, I reckon I would not have written this post at all.

Post: #24

You: Too invested, afflicted with oneitis, way over-thinking this.

Her: Damaged, controlled, too much hassle and not worth the drama.

Agree with Lee. Next.

If you are really willing to put up with that kind of nonsense you're too thirsty. You'll become a beta orbiter if you haven't already.

These types of broken Asian girls unfortunately are far too common. The cost here far outweighs the benefits. You need to re-focus your energy elsewhere, whether it be hobbies or physical or mental health or other girls.

Quote:No need to tell me I should move on, forget, or get another girl - I have emotionally divested by now (but no to a null point - I wouldn't write it then, I think) and it's more of a case study for intelectual entertaintment as well as how to avoid or prevent unsuspecting cockblocking (is it typical for Asian parents to guard their kids as much?). Has anyone had to deal with something similar and what was the result?

I don't believe you. You're lying to yourself or not being honest here. This will sound cliche but real men don't tolerate this kind of bull shit from women - even if the cause is her parents. Don't be that guy.

I hope you will take the advice here to heart without dismissing it outright. Be real with yourself - having written your original post 5 months ago and you still not being over her only further proves my points. Seriously take a hard, objective look at yourself here. This type of infatuation is unhealthy and is the type of obsessing women do.

Post: #25

Thanks Gmac, I think I can't disagree with what you wrote in the essence. Objectively, moving on makes absolute sense (and made sense to me long time ago) but sometimes this emotional, irrational part of us, has tough time to accept reality for what it is. I've been happy to pursue other girls since then, and had some little action, too. Unfortunately, my city in the UK has few stellar looking and feminine girls and I can't change the city anytime soon.

I'll go with GlobalMan's advice and take it easy. Shall the opportunity present itself (however unlikely, life do provides us sometimes with crazy situations), I'll act on it.