Post: #1

I was seeing a girl I met online for maybe 5 weeks or so , she was massively into me and pushed things along. Even though we got on well, had great sex, we were both very different people. I decided to give things a go for a few months, but knowing full well it probably wouldn’t work out long term. I guess I was happy to have a mini relationship based on the good points we had.

Anyway a few days later she said we are too different and thinks it won’t work out so dumps me. My insecurities kick in and I go all beta (my bad) and go on about how I really like her and we should give things a shot blar blar . I had to text her later saying I was a bit overdramatic and maybe catch up in a few months trying to be very relaxed about it all.
Now the love sickness has kicked in heavy, but I’m struggling to understand why I’m feeling so bad about a relationship that almost certainly wouldn’t have worked out and that I would have ended eventually anyway.

I think its maybe because she ended things on her terms, I don’t like not being in control, then all my insecurities bubbled up. The same scenario happened to me about 7 years ago in almost identical circumstances.

She’s a super cool girl and I’d love to be friends with benefits but not sure I can risk getting feelings for her or jealousy etc. Think it’s a dead duck but she’s first girl in a very very long time that I thought about having a relationship with all be it short term one so it’s kinda knocked me!

Post: #2

Ego.

Post: #3

(09-09-2015 06:15 AM)cosworth Wrote:  I think its maybe because she ended things on her terms

You just answered your own question...
Take this L and move on.
How old are you by the way?

Post: #4

Post: #5

(09-09-2015 06:15 AM)cosworth Wrote:  My insecurities kick in and I go all beta (my bad) and go on about how I really like her and we should give things a shot blar blar .

I had a similar situation with the girl I lost my virginity to/gained my manhood from. She was not even good looking, but it just burned that she left me.

Anyway, I got some really good advice from a bunch of guys on another forum I was hanging out in at the time, and it went something like this:

- if a girl dumps you, and if you try to convince her to stay, that will only reinforce her decision. In other words, the more you try to convince her to stay, the more she will be convinced that dumping you is the right decision. Yes, it is not logical, but women are not logical, and further experience has confirmed to me that this is indeed what happens.

- if you really really really like a girl and you don't want her to leave and she dumps you, the only way to maybe get her back is to 1) be unemotional and abrupt about the breakup. Say 'Ok' as soon as she breaks up, leave, don't wait for any explanations, just disappear and then 2) drop any and all contact with her. Basically disappear. Don't try to be friends with her afterward.

Not allowing her to give you the whole 'It's me not you' speech and completely disappearing from her life, will make her start to doubt her decision. At this point there is a 50-50% chance she may contact you to restart the relationship or to say she made a mistake. Even if she doesn't, she'll still wonder about you.

- There is no 100% fool proof way of getting a chick back to you. Your best bet is with the above cold shoulder method.

Because you went beta on her, you completely blew your chances of resurrecting this relationship. You've reinforced her hatred of you. You need to accept that this girl is completely lost to you precisely because you wanted her. You need to get over her, and the fastest way to do that is to approach other girls. Get going.

Post: #6

Game is like riding a bicycle. Sometimes you crash and get hurt. Tend to your wounds, take the loss, heal up, and get back on the bike.

Post: #7

(09-09-2015 11:45 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  

(09-09-2015 06:15 AM)cosworth Wrote:  My insecurities kick in and I go all beta (my bad) and go on about how I really like her and we should give things a shot blar blar .

I had a similar situation with the girl I lost my virginity to/gained my manhood from. She was not even good looking, but it just burned that she left me.

Anyway, I got some really good advice from a bunch of guys on another forum I was hanging out in at the time, and it went something like this:

- if a girl dumps you, and if you try to convince her to stay, that will only reinforce her decision. In other words, the more you try to convince her to stay, the more she will be convinced that dumping you is the right decision. Yes, it is not logical, but women are not logical, and further experience has confirmed to me that this is indeed what happens.

- if you really really really like a girl and you don't want her to leave and she dumps you, the only way to maybe get her back is to 1) be unemotional and abrupt about the breakup. Say 'Ok' as soon as she breaks up, leave, don't wait for any explanations, just disappear and then 2) drop any and all contact with her. Basically disappear. Don't try to be friends with her afterward.

Not allowing her to give you the whole 'It's me not you' speech and completely disappearing from her life, will make her start to doubt her decision. At this point there is a 50-50% chance she may contact you to restart the relationship or to say she made a mistake. Even if she doesn't, she'll still wonder about you.

- There is no 100% fool proof way of getting a chick back to you. Your best bet is with the above cold shoulder method.

Because you went beta on her, you completely blew your chances of resurrecting this relationship. You've reinforced her hatred of you. You need to accept that this girl is completely lost to you precisely because you wanted her. You need to get over her, and the fastest way to do that is to approach other girls. Get going.

Thanks for the advice guys , just what I needed to here. My brain was telling me to do this above as I have in the past with other girls , but my emotions got the better of me ! I don't think we would have lasted anyway so not the end of the world.

I think she'll probably get back in touch in a few months so I can re assess and re game if needed.

I have another girl that i've been seeing come back from holiday on Friday , so should be some nice distractions.

This is a perfect example that you should listen to the forum advice and not your own emotions ! haha

Post: #8

(09-09-2015 03:28 PM)cosworth Wrote:  I think she'll probably get back in touch in a few months so I can re assess and re game if needed.

Don't count on it, you need to drop this mindset it won't help you.

Don't look for small victories where they probably don't exist. Stop protecting your ego, take it like a man God damn it and move on.

Post: #9

You knew this relationship was DOA as soon as you got into it.

You knew that you were 2 very different people but STILL gave it a go.

You fell hard for her and ignored the red flags.


I put the blame squarely on you for this.

BUT

You had a simliar situation happen 7 years ago and didn't learn a valuable lesson.

You didn't trust your gut, and you got burned for it.

You knew it wasn't going to work out and you it blew up in your face.


No one likes getting dumped, it happens, but this one was preventable.


You chose emotion over logic and got burned for it.


Learn this lesson, if you know you aren't compatible, and are looking for an LTR, move on quick.

If she was a plate you could've kept this going and kept spinning (probably for a short time).

Don't expect to hear from her and game other girls, you won't regret doing so and you'll also forget about her anyways.

Post: #10

I have a LTR (1 year) back home, and she dumped me 2 months ago. On her terms.
The reason was my travels (to Ukraine), I went there 3 times in this period.
First time I told her openly that I would go there, she swallowed, second time I told her I was going in a job mission to other european country, she swallowed quite reluctantly, believed that indeed was a job mission, but that I had ordered a Ukranian girlfriend to be there with me, third time I told her I was going to another European country on vacations, she did not swallowed...First month I was destroyed, overdramatic, texting, and all that oneitis stuff, so my reaction was booking another flight to Ukraine, and guess what? After that move, I banged already two another (hot) woman, somehow managed to conquer her again, and will be heading back in a couple of days to Ukraine.

I still did not tell her that I am leaving again...

Life is only one...

Post: #11

(09-09-2015 03:28 PM)cosworth Wrote:  I think she'll probably get back in touch in a few months so I can re assess and re game if needed.

I think we have a consensus on this thread that you need to drop this thought. Even if she does contact you (unlikely), simply keeping this thought in the back of your mind will cause you to come across as desperate and needy should that happen.

Post: #12

(09-09-2015 11:18 PM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  

(09-09-2015 03:28 PM)cosworth Wrote:  I think she'll probably get back in touch in a few months so I can re assess and re game if needed.

I think we have a consensus on this thread that you need to drop this thought. Even if she does contact you (unlikely), simply keeping this thought in the back of your mind will cause you to come across as desperate and needy should that happen.

Very true , but removing thoughts of her , controlling emotion , getting over your ego - sometimes easier said than done :-)

These little musings from Roosh are quite apt. :

dont sheda tear
no girl hurt a man with options