Post: #1

So this situation has happened plenty before, this is just another case.

Just now I went to my local supermarket and I went dressed up, shirt, jeans, fresh jeans and hat, I know most dont go to the supermarket like this but its just how I am used to dressing lol

Anyway as I am entering the store I notice this very attractive spanish girl, blonde hair, cute face and great ass, I notice she looks at me and we keep moving, I lose her in the store only to see her again pass by me in an isle, to top it off when I leave the store we are standing at the same corner waiting for the light to turn red, at this point I am on my phone and I see her look back at me, she crosses and I keep moving.

Now just to clarify I dont have a problem talking with women, I can make them laugh and hold a convo no issue but that is with people I know, the more I know you the more comfortable I am, my big flaw comes in the beginning, I am not big on introducing myself and its usually people who approach me, now as far as a situation like this which has happened to me a lot, how can I approach these girls and get rid of this nervous energy.

Its like I imagine myself saying "hi" and then....? Lol

Obviously I need to grab my balls and say something (find something to talk about) but man I get all nervous, I get so mad at myself when I think back to potential opportunities...

Post: #2

Why don't you try writing down what you would have said to this girl in a log book or journal after-the-fact. Internalize the way you would have done it differently and next time use those experiences to make progress. If you know how to hold a conversation as you say you do, it's just a matter of practice. But the key is to get to the point where you feel more comfortable initiating a conversation, so start there.

Post: #3

If you succeed at something 100% of the time it's because you're not doing something challenging. Bet you successfully tie your shoelaces 100% of the time.
Sometimes you can't think of something to say, say the wrong thing, she's not interested, whatever. Increase the number of approaches and it won'tmatter that many/most don't workout.

Post: #4

Don't beat yourself up too much, man. Some advice I got was practice approaching girls you are not really that interested in, at first, just to get used to approaching and getting past that first awkward part. If you aren't into her, then there is less pressure on you, and you don't care as much if she shuts you down. Come up with a list of openers and try them out on some random 5s, see what works and what doesn't.

Post: #5

Watch some of GLLs examples, so you at least feel its something that is actually done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91QYfyNpum8

Secondly, try talking to her in more 'neutral' ways first to get comfortable approaching. E.g.:
Hey I'm looking for... do you know where I find it?
Hi do you know where the bathroom is? etc

Post: #6

Sometimes it's a mood/state thing too.

Case in point: similar scenario as the OP's, I was looking for something on the shelf when a young, cute blonde in yoga pants walks past me and says "sorry", which in hindsight was totally unnecessary since she wasn't even getting in my way.

My opener there could have been "good workout?", but no, stupid me wasn't in the the mood for chit-chat, and instead replied with "that's ok", and proceeded to finish my shopping.

Post: #7

O.P.:
Why don't you try online dating for a while, that way you'll bang some girls and develop your conversation skills, then you hopefully won't get tounge-tied when it comes time to approach? My problem is not being scared to approach or not knowing what to say. What happens with me a lot of the time (definitely not all the time) is that I'm way too consumed in my own thoughts to even realize that there is a girl there and that I should open/approach/talk to her. I would estimate that over my lifetime, there have been at least 10,000 quality girls who have either opened me or given me strong indicators of interest and I have done nothing, mostly because I didn't completely realize that they were there and waiting for me to talk to them. There's no way I could get a prescription for a drug which would help me with my concentration either, as I've been told that I'm completely normal and that I don't have A.D.D. or anything else.

Post: #8

"that most trivial of all feelings on earth: the stab of a missed opportunity" -Nabokov

Post: #9

I dont want to make this a topic about drugs or anything but that last part was interesting, while weed makes me way overthink and alcohol well...it has its benefits but I wouldn't advocate being drunk while picking up chicks as who knows how you will be later in the night, depends on your personality (I tend to become an asshole).

Now xanax, that stuff is incredible (again not advocating) it completely kills my anxiety and allows me to not think or give a fuck about what some girl might think of me, my conversations are like butter, the go SO smoothly and the words just flow.

Drawbacks are you wont remember much if you take more than your tolerance, you will probably end up sleepy and eventually go to sleep and the most obvious of all, its a pill that can kill you if you dont know what the fuck you are doing.

Anyway I want to be good sober, never a good idea to really on anything especially illegal drugs lol

Post: #10

I've found the best way to get over my approach anxiety is to just approach. I have it pretty bad but (I think) Roosh said something to the effect of "just imagine the worst thing that can happen, ready yourself for that, and then approach." 99/100 times you won't even have close that worst case scenario happen.

Honestly, that's the only thing you can do. The anxiety never went away for me. I still have it but I have found that you just need to change how you relate to it. That feeling of anxiety should empower you.

Even approaching low level girls gives me anxiety but I have just learned to let that wash over me and push through.

There is no bravery without fear!

Post: #11

Hmm that is an interesting way of looking at it, imagine the worst possible thing and be ready for that...

We all know its not gonna be anything super embarrassing but man...when actually in the moment, that irrational fear just tends to take over.

If I have learned anything thus far in life is that its NEVER that bad, I swear all the things that I have been worried and nervous about in life I always end saying "cant believe I was so worried about that lol"

Post: #12

I know how you feel, there have been times in my life when I was just utterly unable to force myself to speak to a girl, and it can be quite demoralising. What I would suggest is:

#1. Don't obsess over it and beat yourself up too much when you miss opportunities and can't approach. Just acknowledge that you weren't feeling it and remember for next time.
#2. Visualise yourself as a 'cool' guy who doesn't have a problem starting conversations with girls. Stay in this frame of mind, and try to channel that positive energy.
#3. Don't think of it as 'approaching' or even 'game'. You're just making conversation or askinga question eg "are you waiting in line" or 'do you know where the toilets are". Then once you get more comfortable in the mindset that youre a cool guy who is happy to speak to strangers and start conversations with strangers, you can start to ramp it up.

Post: #13

Someone mentioned online dating, I never tried it until recently (tinder), got a few girls to talk to but I REALLY hate texting, I am much better in person, any tips for texting/online chats?

Post: #14

Girls rarely if ever give me any IOI and that is OK as not all of us are good looking guys like Merengue (10,000 IOI's? .
SO, approaching is the only way to get anywhere. Don't worry about approaching a girl randomly at a supermarket, 99% of guys can't do that. Instead, put yourself in situations where minimal interaction with female's is necessary. For example, I love evening game. SO, go to a happening cafe/bar and check out the atmosphere. Sit next to any girl (does not matter if she is hot or not) who is by herself or with a girlfriend (anything more than 2 and usually attitudes are negative) and just ask "is this seat taken?"

Look for eye contact, a smile, or listen for something as simple as an accent. Ask where they are from? Or for example ask if the food is good at this place? Anything works! Believe me, indirect game at social places will not result in a blow out.

If you're still too shy to make a comment at this point then just sit next to them and proceed to do your work/reading/day-dreaming for a while but at the same time listen. I will frequently listen in on a conversation at a bar and when the moment is right mention a bit or two about the subject matter that girls next to me speak about. Usually I do this when one of the girls go's to the bathroom and her girlfriend is isolated.

Post: #15

As others have said, don't beat yourself up about it. It is the hardest thing for most men to do. The grinding killer thing for most men, is that it seems so simple and yet why is there so much anxiety or resistance?

You just need to put work into approaching. Go into the supermarket or on the street and ask women questions.
Then build it up, like giving women compliments. (they love compliments)

Start in 1st gear and build it up from there.

After a while you'll see it is not about the act of the approach, it is your ego and how you feel about yourself and facing all that which talking a women of attraction to you, brings up for you.

Write these thoughts and feelings things down, and honestly work through them. It is useful to just see a woman and write down how it makes you feel to approach her.

Post: #16

"Excuse me, where's the starbucks"
Blah blah
"By the way, that's a pretty cool ______ you have on. Is it from _____."

I also agree with the beating yourself up part. Right now that's the single most detrimental thing you're doing. The reason for lack of approaches or anxiety in most guys is not due to a lack of conversation skill or social ability. It's FEAR; a barrier. It's like you're getting in your own way.

The only way to reduce that fear is to face it head on and start believing in yourself more. Remember that you created that barrier; that fear so you can also remove it. Start by catching yourself beating yourself up when an approach doesn't go well and realize she would have done that to any guy. Then focus on what you could have done better exclusive of her reaction.

Keep doing this and eventually you will start focusing on what you need to do instead of what kind of reaction you're getting from them. To be honest, I'm still working on this; but I know it's key.

Good luck and kee us posted.

Post: #17

I noticed approaching is like basketball, you don't ever hit perfection. If I'm making around half the approaches I could make, I'm satisfied. Of course you catch fire once in awhile. I think that's why roosh's one approach a day is so clever. It's essentially saying: if you don't feel like taking jumpers today fine, but at least make a lay up before you chill.

Post: #18

Here is my 2 cents:

Memorize some canned openers like "Hey how is your day going?" "Found everything you've been looking for?", etc and when you see an opportunity just deliver one of these lines without thinking much. Once you do this then you have to follow up on the opener because it would be awkward otherwise. Do this several times and you'll start to get conditioned to jump at the opportunities.

In my experience this may also have to do with decreased libido.

Post: #19

I have a sister,therefore, each time I approach a girl I imagine I am talking with my sister or her friends. Therefore, I don't get nervous. Now escalating its much harder and I do get nervous.