Post: #1

Currently my arrangement is I am frequently between two cities for work. I have a girl at home who I see regularly - I do care about her a lot and we have a good time when I'm in town.

Currently I'm away for a couple of months and it was her birthday two days ago. I was going to call her and say happy birthday but I forgot completely.

First thing I did was pick up my phone and was about to call her and say shit so sorry I forgot happy birthday! etc. But then I stopped and thought about it and figured I might not like where that leads. So I put the phone down and haven't done anything yet.

My plan is to just not do anything and act like it never happened. And if she brings it up later I'll just aloof the shit out of it.

What would you do.

Post: #2

Call her and wish her a happy birthday.

Don't text, not when you are late and this is sort of an important girl to you.

I think this frame shit gets a little out of hand, you forgot her birthday. Just say you screwed up and you want to take her out to celebrate.

It can't be this complicated.

Edit: If she isn't that important to you then fine ignore it and if she stops responding, you shouldn't be upset by it since she isn't that important. Easy not complicated.

Post: #3

Thanks good advice. I'm kind of undecided on this girl. She's not my girlfriend but we spend a bit of time together.

And you're right we do think about this shit too much.

Post: #4

Is she going to be around next year? Try to remember it for then, if not what's the point?

Post: #5

(11-01-2015 07:30 AM)Oz. Wrote:  Is she going to be around next year? Try to remember it for then, if not what's the point?

I think the op feels bad for forgetting a birthday. I think a lot of people think game excuses bad manners. It would be a nice gesture to just say, hey I have a real problem with dates and this important day just slipped by me. How about we go out to celebrate as soon as I'm back in town?

Girl feels good.
You have a nice evening out.
You bang the girl.
Your options with her have not been screwed up.

Post: #6

(11-01-2015 08:35 AM)Dino Wrote:  I think a lot of people think game excuses bad manners.

This.

If you forgot the birthday of a good male friend, you would pick up the phone and say happy belated birthday. I don't see why you can't do the same with a girl, much less a girl you've been with for a while.

Post: #7

And if the OP is worried about keeping frame, he already established his aloofness by forgetting it to begin with.

Just be light-hearted about it when you talk to her. Don't be like, "Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot, will you forgive me? I'll do annnnyything." That is weak and opens up an invitation for her to establish dominance.

Post: #8

You could just try to pretend to ignore it, get her to go out, and then do something sort of nice for her for her birthday. She will probably be steaming that you forgot her birthday and not mentioning it when you contact her, thus going deeper into negativity. Then swing her emotions wildly the other way by doing something nice for her. If you just want to practice your manipulation skills, but I would just do what I originally suggested.

Post: #9

Did you get the suprise present I sent you?

NO? what the hell, I will chase that up with the shop!! Bastards!

(Then send something nice)

Post: #10

If I cared about her a lot (as you say you do) I'd probably go for a nice, out of the blue act the next time I saw her. Don't say it's for her belated birthday, she'll either assume it is or ask out outright at which point you can tease her/play dumb with "it was your birthday?" with a cheeky smile.

Post: #11

I just called her and said sorry I forgot. She was cool. I think she knows I won't care if she gets upset or tries to milk it for something so I suppose I've framed our relationship well. Will do something nice when I get back.