Post: #1

Hello all,

I am coming to you about a matter that I do not know how to process. Approximately three years ago in college, I impregnated a female after a night of sleepy drunk unprotected sex. She was my girlfriend at the time, and I had no intentions of making her anything other than that. Her behavior was slutty, and though she wasn't yet a slut, I had managed to snatch her out of a 3 year relationship, and utilize her well for my sexual needs. I was her third notch count.

We have a 3 year old son now. I've tried to commit to her, I tried to establish a family unit, and I tried to make things work. I found her to be more focused on the pleasantries of the day to day, and less on the future of our family and its security. She required an extensive amount of emotional support, more than I could provide. the relationship became an on and off relationship, as I used the time off to better try and understand her needs and work on myself as man who would one day become a father.

It failed. Three years of my efforts, and fuck ups. She told me a couple of days ago that she's dating now. I'm torn up. I've already without a court order agreed to provide her with 17% of my net income as child support. But I can't be a father to this child beyond that. I can't watch in horror as my son watches his mother gets fucked by dozens of men over the years as she becomes alpha widowed or whatever happens in that situation. I can't be a father to him, knowing that he will be more influenced by her than by me, and may become something that I loathe as I have children with a wife. I can't be a father knowing very well that she can manipulate the circumstances of my relationship with him, and may interfere in the equality of our co-parenting of which she has indicated in the past that it will never be equal. None of the wisdom I've accumulated has helped me in preparation for the complexity of this, the morality of it. I financially provide for him, but our society will look unfavorably upon me for not wanting to be subject to this fuckery. I love this kid, and that's because I was there to raise him initially. That's the problem.

Do you have any advice?

Post: #2

Get a court order, the 17% you are giving her will mean nothing and you can be sued for child support and back child support on her whim. She may influence him now but he will get older and recognize the situation for what it is. There is pain and emotional heartbreak in your future, you have my sympathy but steel yourself for the inevitable. Stay strong.

Post: #3

(03-13-2016 02:58 PM)AccF428 Wrote:  Hello all,

I am coming to you about a matter that I do not know how to process. Approximately three years ago in college, I impregnated a female after a night of sleepy drunk unprotected sex. She was my girlfriend at the time, and I had no intentions of making her anything other than that. Her behavior was slutty, and though she wasn't yet a slut, I had managed to snatch her out of a 3 year relationship, and utilize her well for my sexual needs. I was her third notch count.

We have a 3 year old son now. I've tried to commit to her, I tried to establish a family unit, and I tried to make things work. I found her to be more focused on the pleasantries of the day to day, and less on the future of our family and its security. She required an extensive amount of emotional support, more than I could provide. the relationship became an on and off relationship, as I used the time off to better try and understand her needs and work on myself as man who would one day become a father.

It failed. Three years of my efforts, and fuck ups. She told me a couple of days ago that she's dating now. I'm torn up. I've already without a court order agreed to provide her with 17% of my net income as child support. But I can't be a father to this child beyond that. I can't watch in horror as my son watches his mother gets fucked by dozens of men over the years as she becomes alpha widowed or whatever happens in that situation. I can't be a father to him, knowing that he will be more influenced by her than by me, and may become something that I loathe as I have children with a wife. I can't be a father knowing very well that she can manipulate the circumstances of my relationship with him, and may interfere in the equality of our co-parenting of which she has indicated in the past that it will never be equal. None of the wisdom I've accumulated has helped me in preparation for the complexity of this, the morality of it. I financially provide for him, but our society will look unfavorably upon me for not wanting to be subject to this fuckery. I love this kid, and that's because I was there to raise him initially. That's the problem.

Do you have any advice?

I am sorry to hear that you impregnated the wrong woman, one who on the surface (3rd notch) would have been a good bet as a wife and mother.

1. I am assuming you are paying by check for all child support. Retain a family law attorney to help you codify those payments as child support and get a court order. If things get nasty she will claim those payments as "gifts", and what you thought was child support will have to be paid all over again.

2. Do you actually want to be the father of the child? If you do that is a whole different discussion.

You should let her know that as a single mom no quality man will ever keep her around.

Post: #4

(03-13-2016 03:21 PM)Enoch Wrote:  I am sorry to hear that you impregnated the wrong woman, one who on the surface (3rd notch) would have been a good bet as a wife and mother.

1. I am assuming you are paying by check for all child support. Retain a family law attorney to help you codify those payments as child support and get a court order. If things get nasty she will claim those payments as "gifts", and what you thought was child support will have to be paid all over again.

2. Do you actually want to be the father of the child? If you do that is a whole different discussion.

You should let her know that as a single mom no quality man will ever keep her around.

I am paying by check for all child support. I keep it all documented with Child Support Payments as the memo/note on the check. It's all filed away.

She told me today that she has a boyfriend, 3 months after our last break up. I can't stomach any of it. I can't feel anything, and don't want anything to do with it. Even though I want to be the father of the child, I don't think I could watch him growing up in these conditions. Frankly, I've never felt pain like this before.

Post: #5

Shrink 4 Men is your friend. Yeah, it is run by a woman, but she is cool and there is a forum where guys can compare notes and hash stuff out.

http://shrink4men.com/

http://shrink4men.com/blog/

http://shrink4men.com/forum/

The Golden Uterus Concept:

http://shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-yo...en-uterus/

Post: #6

(03-13-2016 04:13 PM)AccF428 Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 03:21 PM)Enoch Wrote:  I am sorry to hear that you impregnated the wrong woman, one who on the surface (3rd notch) would have been a good bet as a wife and mother.

1. I am assuming you are paying by check for all child support. Retain a family law attorney to help you codify those payments as child support and get a court order. If things get nasty she will claim those payments as "gifts", and what you thought was child support will have to be paid all over again.

2. Do you actually want to be the father of the child? If you do that is a whole different discussion.

You should let her know that as a single mom no quality man will ever keep her around.

I am paying by check for all child support. I keep it all documented with Child Support Payments as the memo/note on the check. It's all filed away.

She told me today that she has a boyfriend, 3 months after our last break up. I can't stomach any of it. I can't feel anything, and don't want anything to do with it. Even though I want to be the father of the child, I don't think I could watch him growing up in these conditions. Frankly, I've never felt pain like this before.

Sounds like you should definitely talk to a family law attorney if you want custody and think your relationship with this woman is over. Do you have the bankroll to finance a long legal battle? As the father it is an uphill fight for you. If you DO win, do you have a supportive extended family nearby to help you raise the child?

Just as a general aside, now would also be a good time for you to read Gorilla Mindset by Cernovich to help put your head in the right place.

Post: #7

Are you for realz? You can't raise your kid because his mom fucks?

Get a lawyer, a good one do your homework.

I don't believe this is real.

Post: #8

It's a tough spot to be in. But it's happened now you need to get an attorney and make sure payment / custody details are worked out.

You need to make sure your payments will apply towards child support. Of course , try to be as amicable as you can with her without being a pushover or a hard ass.

Do not postpone legal.

Post: #9

(03-13-2016 05:45 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Are you for realz? You can't raise your kid because his mom fucks?

Get a lawyer, a good one do your homework.

I don't believe this is real.

Chill man, the red pill is tough to swallow. OP is new to the forum and western men are taught their entire lives to bow down to women.

OP: I suggest you treat your ex like a child. Not in a condescending way, but through your communication. She is less mature than your three year old son.

I highly suggest reading 'On Women' by Arthur Schopenhauer. http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html
You mentioned how while you were focused on planning and the future, she insisted on living only in the present. This is a trait common of both adult women and children. To quote Schopenhauer:

"The nobler and more perfect a thing is, the later and slower is it in reaching maturity. Man reaches the maturity of his reasoning and mental faculties scarcely before he is eight-and-twenty; woman when she is eighteen; but hers is reason of very narrow limitations. This is why women remain children all their lives, for they always see only what is near at hand, cling to the present, take the appearance of a thing for reality, and prefer trifling matters to the most important. It is by virtue of man’s reasoning powers that he does not live in the present only, like the brute, but observes and ponders over the past and future; and from this spring discretion, care, and that anxiety which we so frequently notice in people."

I respect you for wanting to be a part of your son's life. Nothing is more important. There are hundreds of thousands of women out there but your legacy is everything. At the end of the day, unfortunately, you have little power. Western government gives all the power to the woman. You're going to have to play ball if you want your son in your life, and the best way to do that is by following the rules and getting new pussy. Forget the mother and your past with her. Concentrate on yourself and your kid, and follow the bullshit laws that estranged fathers have to follow in this bullshit country, while focusing on self improvement and your duty as a father.

Post: #10

Rislander what do you mean " chill out" ? You have a kid your parental drive should kick in on autopilot.

I'm also very weary of silver members they seem to go silver looking for credibility to troll us.

Post: #11

(03-13-2016 06:22 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Rislander what do you mean " chill out" ? You have a kid your parental drive should kick in on autopilot.

I'm also very weary of silver members they seem to go silver looking for credibility to troll us.

I mean give the guy a break. I don't have a kid and I don't know the deal with silver membership. But I've seen first hand good men get beat down by shit women holding the children hostage... its fucking brutal.

Post: #12

OP, I understand how you feel. A lot of men don't realize all the negativity that's involved in trying to be a Father in the most dysfunctional type of family arrangement there is. You accurately spelled out many of the very real issues you will face.

I was in a similar situation from Day 1 and the negativity/fighting was so bad with my Son's Mother I eventually had to walk away from it when he was about 7 years old. She would constantly use him as a weapon against me, and destroy our relationship. I felt bad for both him and myself.

Though there were some really great years and memories, if I had to go back in time I might choose to walk away from day one. Knowing what I know now.

Some men will fault me for that, but that's because they either haven't had any first hand experience or their child's Mother happened to be a good person and they never got to experience the demonic feminine.

If your Son's Mother doesn't have an ax to grind with the Father, if she's supportive of your relationship with him, if she doesn't feel threatened by your relationship with him and try to undermine it, etc. then I see no reason why you shouldn't stay and be his Father. She's going to bang other guy's whether you're around or not. Though it will be hard for him to see that, the negativity of it will be lessened greatly if you're an anchor in his life.

Post: #13

Have you talked to any lawyers about getting custody? I have no idea what the laws are like in your area, but you gotta go talk to a lawyer near you.

Post: #14

It'll be fine.

I had my father dip out after getting fucked by the family courts, and he explained everything when I turned 18. Just try to minimize your financial liability in the meantime and focus on yourself and your life.

I'd sit out for a good 10 years and check back in then. Sounds fucking terrible, but you shouldnt limit yourself financially or professionally early on. Baby momma will drag you down, and let's be fucking honest- the joys of parenthood don't always outweigh the costs, and at this point, I'd sit out. By your early or mid thirties you'll be in a much better position to be involved and your son will be in a much better position to understand what parent he should emulate

Post: #15

I'm not sure if O.P. is serious, but I will assume that O.P. married the child's mother and they have separated. I don't believe he made those things clear in his post. He seems to think that because his relationship with the child's mother ends, he will have no relationship with the child. He needs to find the best divorce lawyer possible and file for divorce/custody/child support/equitable distribution of marital property, if any. Please, nobody chime in with things like "Fathers never get custody" or "Fathers almost never get custody." Those comments are neither true nor helpful. If O.P. has his own place, he should do his best to make sure his child has his own room and that he has picture of where the child will sleep. He should have family members who know his son set up to take care of his son in the event that he is awarded custody. The Complaint should seek custody or in the alternative reasonable visitation. If O.P. loses custody, he can seek a modification in the future if there is a material/substantial change in circumstances.

El Mech, I think you will be pleased to know that nobody else will be allowed to purchase silver memberships. I guess the guys who already have them will be grandfathered in.

Post: #16

I can't relate, however this does rank as one of the few situations I know would eat at me.

It's the 21st century, someday this kid will have a phone. You will be able to be a part of his life, he will understand that you don't have an active relation with the mother. Don't need to badmouth her. You will be able to tell him straightforward that you wish to impart your experiance on him as fathers do. You can be there when he needs a male adult to listen. This may not be what you want, it's a worst case scenario. One that should offer you an authentic relationship with your child where you can do what's expected of you. This is better than the olden days where the men were away hunting/at war or dead.

Post: #17

(03-13-2016 08:54 PM)KevCapitalist Wrote:  I can't relate, however this does rank as one of the few situations I know would eat at me.

It's the 21st century, someday this kid will have a phone. You will be able to be a part of his life, he will understand that you don't have an active relation with the mother. Don't need to badmouth her. You will be able to tell him straightforward that you wish to impart your experiance on him as fathers do. You can be there when he needs a male adult to listen. This may not be what you want, it's a worst case scenario. One that should offer you an authentic relationship with your child where you can do what's expected of you. This is better than the olden days where the men were away hunting/at war or dead.

Um no! You take the cunt to court and do what you're supposed to beforehand.

What's a matter with you guys here on this thread? They only win if you let them!!!

Post: #18

(03-13-2016 09:23 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 08:54 PM)KevCapitalist Wrote:  I can't relate, however this does rank as one of the few situations I know would eat at me.

It's the 21st century, someday this kid will have a phone. You will be able to be a part of his life, he will understand that you don't have an active relation with the mother. Don't need to badmouth her. You will be able to tell him straightforward that you wish to impart your experiance on him as fathers do. You can be there when he needs a male adult to listen. This may not be what you want, it's a worst case scenario. One that should offer you an authentic relationship with your child where you can do what's expected of you. This is better than the olden days where the men were away hunting/at war or dead.

Um no! You take the cunt to court and do what you're supposed to beforehand.

What's a matter with you guys here on this thread? They only win if you let them!!!

I spent years and thousands of dollars in family court trying to "Win". It's simply not a level playing field. That was my first-hand experience anyways, and the experience of many others I've known.

   

Post: #19

We're winning in Florida all the time my county is 50/50 all the time. It's fair. County up from here tends to give the woman an extra day because they're all shot out and need that edge.

I'll bet if we chatted there'd be a string of mistakes you made.

Post: #20

(03-13-2016 05:24 PM)Enoch Wrote:  Sounds like you should definitely talk to a family law attorney if you want custody and think your relationship with this woman is over. Do you have the bankroll to finance a long legal battle? As the father it is an uphill fight for you. If you DO win, do you have a supportive extended family nearby to help you raise the child?

Just as a general aside, now would also be a good time for you to read Gorilla Mindset by Cernovich to help put your head in the right place.

No to both questions. Will check it out, thanks.

(03-13-2016 05:45 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  Are you for realz? You can't raise your kid because his mom fucks?

Get a lawyer, a good one do your homework.

I don't believe this is real.

You're simplifying the context without actually understanding it. This goes way beyond her simply fucking. It's emotional, financial, and social. It's about coming from a solid family background to raising a kid right out of college into a dysfunctional family background without the necessities to ensure a successful court case because her circumstances are more favorable at this time. Particularly when her mother has bought her an apartment in New York city, and is able to provide as much babysitting as needed while she's in graduate school. It's trying to gather wisdom from men who may have experienced what I am experiencing, and may know how to provide better insight into how I should handle this situation. Where I live, my approach is not welcome, and is heavily frowned upon. I'm expected to yield to what the court believes is appropriate, which will most likely not be in my favor, for years down the road, most likely with a weekends/summer arrangement. That's if we live close proximity to one another. That's not taking into consideration whether or not she plays nice. So why the fuck wouldn't it be real?

(03-13-2016 06:52 PM)Onto Wrote:  OP, I understand how you feel. A lot of men don't realize all the negativity that's involved in trying to be a Father in the most dysfunctional type of family arrangement there is. You accurately spelled out many of the very real issues you will face.

I was in a similar situation from Day 1 and the negativity/fighting was so bad with my Son's Mother I eventually had to walk away from it when he was about 7 years old. She would constantly use him as a weapon against me, and destroy our relationship. I felt bad for both him and myself.

Though there were some really great years and memories, if I had to go back in time I might choose to walk away from day one. Knowing what I know now.

Some men will fault me for that, but that's because they either haven't had any first hand experience or their child's Mother happened to be a good person and they never got to experience the demonic feminine.

If your Son's Mother doesn't have an ax to grind with the Father, if she's supportive of your relationship with him, if she doesn't feel threatened by your relationship with him and try to undermine it, etc. then I see no reason why you shouldn't stay and be his Father. She's going to bang other guy's whether you're around or not. Though it will be hard for him to see that, the negativity of it will be lessened greatly if you're an anchor in his life.

The mother likes to be in control, and has already told me that she wants to be the one to "teach him how to be a man" after a discussion about how we should raise him. From the beginning, whether intentionally or unintentionally, she's been marginalizing my role. She's saying otherwise now, but my gut is that because we don't get along, she can turn on me at any moment.

(03-13-2016 08:13 PM)Sonoma Wrote:  It'll be fine.

I had my father dip out after getting fucked by the family courts, and he explained everything when I turned 18. Just try to minimize your financial liability in the meantime and focus on yourself and your life.

I'd sit out for a good 10 years and check back in then. Sounds fucking terrible, but you shouldnt limit yourself financially or professionally early on. Baby momma will drag you down, and let's be fucking honest- the joys of parenthood don't always outweigh the costs, and at this point, I'd sit out. By your early or mid thirties you'll be in a much better position to be involved and your son will be in a much better position to understand what parent he should emulate

This is what I've told the mother basically: that I would not be in my child's life in the beginning, but that he is welcome to come talk to me at anytime, and that I'd initiate contact when he's around 10 years old and explain everything to him then. Family and friends have lashed out at me because of my stance on the matter.

(03-13-2016 08:15 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  I'm not sure if O.P. is serious, but I will assume that O.P. married the child's mother and they have separated. I don't believe he made those things clear in his post. He seems to think that because his relationship with the child's mother ends, he will have no relationship with the child. He needs to find the best divorce lawyer possible and file for divorce/custody/child support/equitable distribution of marital property, if any. Please, nobody chime in with things like "Fathers never get custody" or "Fathers almost never get custody." Those comments are neither true nor helpful. If O.P. has his own place, he should do his best to make sure his child has his own room and that he has picture of where the child will sleep. He should have family members who know his son set up to take care of his son in the event that he is awarded custody. The Complaint should seek custody or in the alternative reasonable visitation. If O.P. loses custody, he can seek a modification in the future if there is a material/substantial change in circumstances.

El Mech, I think you will be pleased to know that nobody else will be allowed to purchase silver memberships. I guess the guys who already have them will be grandfathered in.

Never married, was only engaged. My place isn't conducive to raise a child. No family members nearby.

(03-13-2016 09:41 PM)Onto Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 09:23 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 08:54 PM)KevCapitalist Wrote:  I can't relate, however this does rank as one of the few situations I know would eat at me.

It's the 21st century, someday this kid will have a phone. You will be able to be a part of his life, he will understand that you don't have an active relation with the mother. Don't need to badmouth her. You will be able to tell him straightforward that you wish to impart your experiance on him as fathers do. You can be there when he needs a male adult to listen. This may not be what you want, it's a worst case scenario. One that should offer you an authentic relationship with your child where you can do what's expected of you. This is better than the olden days where the men were away hunting/at war or dead.

Um no! You take the cunt to court and do what you're supposed to beforehand.

What's a matter with you guys here on this thread? They only win if you let them!!!

I spent years and thousands of dollars in family court trying to "Win". It's simply not a level playing field. That was my first-hand experience anyways, and the experience of many others I've known.

This is a concern that I have. In New York, I hear the courts are always in favor of the women. I'm still working on establishing my career, and I don't have the bankroll to spend thousands of dollars.

Post: #21

(03-13-2016 10:30 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  We're winning in Florida all the time my county is 50/50 all the time. It's fair. County up from here tends to give the woman an extra day because they're all shot out and need that edge.

I'll bet if we chatted there'd be a string of mistakes you made.

I'd say that where I am it's between 60/40 in favor of the mother and 50/50, when the case is actually contested. I can't relate when people start saying that women have some huge advantage.

Post: #22

You need to talk with a lawyer ASAP. She can and will fuck you over on Child Support if you don't get court documentation of your existing Child Support payments.

Next, for your son, first you need to calm down. Things will be okay and here is why.

Your bitch baby-momma is going to be a real cunt to your son. She's going to behave like a wild, horrible slut, and probably abuse your son. DO NOT check out of your son's life.

You need to make sure you visit your son every week and document any abuse he receives either from her or her boyfriends.

To make sure you get mandatory custody you need to go to court and fight for it. If you need financial assistance, ask your parents for help. It's their grandchild too.

Next, even if you're just a weekend Dad, remember to make a good impression on your son as he grows up and be there for him emotionally. Show him how to be a man through example. It does not matter what your bitch baby-momma does, your son will be like you never like her.

I worked with children, young-boys, for years as a living. I KNOW they do not listen to their mothers, it's not in the instincts of boys. They always follow older male role models. If they do not have a father they will copy someone else, most likely one of your baby-momma's boyfriends. This is why you should not check out for 10 years.

Even if you visit him once a week, this will have 10x more of an impact than being with his bitch mom for an entire week if you make sure your time is quality time and you show him how to act like a strong, proud man.

Eventually, as your son grows up, he will come to bond with you especially as your bitch baby-momma abuses him, and he will hate her fucking guts. She will fuck up at some point, you take it to the courts, then you get full custody. I've seen this happen many times. If she doesn't abuse your son you won't get custody but at least your son will not suffer.

So these are the steps you need to take and if you don't, then you have no one to blame but yourself for your son's fate.

Post: #23

(03-13-2016 10:33 PM)AccF428 Wrote:  

(03-13-2016 09:41 PM)Onto Wrote:  I spent years and thousands of dollars in family court trying to "Win". It's simply not a level playing field. That was my first-hand experience anyways, and the experience of many others I've known.

This is a concern that I have. In New York, I hear the courts are always in favor of the women. I'm still working on establishing my career, and I don't have the bankroll to spend thousands of dollars.

Mine was in New York also. One of the worse states in my opinion. Maybe FL is better as El Mech suggests.

Getting Joint-Custody is meaningless in NY. All it says it she has to "consult" with you about big decisions. She can still just do what she wants. It's the person who has "Primary Physical Custody" that matters. They get the most time, call the shots, and collect the money.

All things being equal between a Mother and Father, why would a judge give physical custody (along with the money/power) to the Father over the Mother? If she's making less, her lawyer has a good argument for collecting more money from you.

There would have to be some seriously compelling reasons not to give custody to the Mother.

Post: #24

(03-13-2016 10:48 PM)Samseau Wrote:  Your bitch baby-momma is going to be a real cunt to your son. She's going to behave like a wild, horrible slut, and probably abuse your son. DO NOT check out of your son's life.

You need to make sure you visit your son every week and document any abuse he receives either from her or her boyfriends.

To make sure you get mandatory custody you need to go to court and fight for it. If you need financial assistance, ask your parents for help. It's their grandchild too.

Next, even if you're just a weekend Dad, remember to make a good impression on your son as he grows up and be there for him emotionally. Show him how to be a man through example. It does not matter what your bitch baby-momma does, your son will be like you never like her.

I worked with children, young-boys, for years as a living. I KNOW they do not listen to their mothers, it's not in the instincts of boys. They always follow older male role models. If they do not have a father they will copy someone else, most likely one of your baby-momma's boyfriends. This is why you should not check out for 10 years.

Even if you visit him once a week, this will have 10x more of an impact than being with his bitch mom for an entire week if you make sure your time is quality time and you show him how to act like a strong, proud man.

Eventually, as your son grows up, he will come to bond with you especially as your bitch baby-momma abuses him, and he will hate her fucking guts. She will fuck up at some point, you take it to the courts, then you get full custody. I've seen this happen many times. If she doesn't abuse your son you won't get custody but at least your son will not suffer.

So these are the steps you need to take and if you don't, then you have no one to blame but yourself for your son's fate.

This is gold advice.

Never insult your mum, or talk her down in from of the boy.

Don't complain or show the pain you will go through.

Just be a man, and play a strait bat. Be a dad for your boy.

He will work it out, and move in with you, admire you and be like you.
He will hate his mother.

Thats what happened to my three boys.

Wasn't an easy road, but man up and make the tough journey.

Good luck mate.

Post: #25

I disagree with some members here. You should do your best to keep the state out of the situation . They are likely to make matters worse. When you decide what you want, you can have a lawyer write up a custody agreement, nothing else. Just keep track of what you pay her for proof just in case you do go to court. I've been through this situation twice with two kids. It's hard if you still have feelings for the mother. But you will move on eventually. These situations rarely end well for the mother. Women are short sighted.

It is hard for the kids in these situations because they will always fantasize that their parents will get back together. The "needs" of women come before the children in this world and parents are the chief enablers. Trust me when I say you won't want the mother back in a few years. In the mean time you must use every tool at your.disposal to get the best outcome here for you and the child. I employed ruthless manipulation and machiavellian tactics to get by. The child is not doomed. My first son grew up to be a good man and is in the US Army. The second is 8 years old. So there is hope for your child despite his situation.
I would suggest you do what I did when I got divorced. Find a good church and a rebound. You will get through this.