Post: #1

For the better part of a year , I've really been doing bad on approaching. I feel like I've been focusing more on inner game since I'm so unhappy with the current direction of my life, so out of a lack of energy and fear, I haven't been trying to put myself out there. And all this has led me to this situation I'm in now.

I've been talking to a woman I met at a social gathering. She's in her thirties with kids from a previous marriage. Also, she's interesting and I like that we share common interests and desires, but I don't know if I should continue to see where things go with her.

The thing is, I'm in my late 20s and I've never been in a relationship and I've had barely any intimate experiences. I feel like this would be good for me as a chance to get know someone and also as a good way to learn some things about interacting on a deeper level with a woman.

On the other hand, it bothers me. Because of her age and the kids, I feel like I'm doing this because it's "easier." Case in point, she basically opened me, she got me to get her number, AND she sent the first message. So as you can see, I really didn't have to put myself out there at all.

With all this said, I just feel like I'm shortchanging myself and I should get out before I get too involved. Am I just being ridiculous or do I have issues bigger than this at play?

Post: #2

(01-30-2017 12:53 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  Am I just being ridiculous?

No

(01-30-2017 12:53 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  do I have issues bigger than this at play?

Possibly.


First off, you're not alone. Even when I started out I had a couple of these situations (older women with kids). You're right, technically it is a lot easier to bang these kinds of women, but there's no shame in it. Remember, pussy is pussy. Nothing more nothing less. How you handle it though will spell out the next day/month/week/life.

I think these types of women understand this as well. Meaning, they know that every man they try to fuck is going to have the idea in the back of their mind that the male will be cautious and reserved about the whole "be my new daddy" situation. Therefore, it's completely acceptable to ignore this until she brings it up. I would not be the one to bring it up.

- If she only wants to fuck, she won't bring it up.

- If she brings it up after you guys bang, even a few times, still don't worry about it and be ready to tell her "No thanks" (if that's what you want of course) and decide whether you will continue seeing each other right then and there.

If it comes to this you can just say something like "This is a lot of fun and I like it, but I do not want to go down that avenue". Keep it simple and to the point. You don't need to give her details as to why if you don't want to, but if she persists (this did happen to me once) I simply replied with "because I don't have time or energy to help take care of kid right now in my life". She can't be mad at you, if she is, you're better off never talking to her again.

-If you haven't slept with her and she brings this up....Run.

I'm telling you this because I had the same battle when I had this situation. I finally said "fuck it", I took her out, we got super sloppy drunk and as a result we had super sloppy drunk sex. It was fun, but it wasn't what I was trying to accomplish at the time. Now I know never to get sloppy drunk and try to have sex again (but of course it still happens). We haven't talked since.

This is a great situation because:
-I got laid
-I put more experience under my belt when it comes to being with a woman at a very early stage in my game
-I failed, and I learned from it
-We no longer talk and she is happily in a different relationship (no strings on my end)
-We both had fun, and we went our separate ways. (No regret/remorse/anxiety etc. on my end, we still talk time to time as acquaintances).

Remember that you are first starting out, so these situations (if you are serious about it) should be taken advantage of. 30 year old with kids opened me and is DTF? Why not? Or better yet, instead of looking for reasons NOT to, why don't I start finding reasons to do it. I'm a firm believer in experience over reason. The more experience you have especially starting out and especially the younger you are, the better you will be with time.

In terms of whether you have larger issues, I'm sure you have things you can work on (everyone does). Remember that this is a life-style, so you will need to tune your life-style so that you are aligned and congruent with your personality and game shift when it comes to talking to/banging women.

For example, confidence is super important especially in the early stages. This is something that is very hard to fake, and benefits you actually having it in countless ways and not just with women. If you are having issues with confidence (and believe me, I consider myself very confident and still get approach anxiety, everyone does) then do what I call "covering the basics". These "basics" should be a strong part of your new/revamped life-style:

-Are you working out regularly? (Are you in shape in general)
-Do you dress well and represent yourself well?
-Do you feel healthy and well on a day to day basis?
-Are you excelling in your job/responsibilities/relationships?
-Have you or are you working on reducing/removing bad habits?
-Do you carry an abundance mentality?
-Do you do at least one thing daily to further improve yourself? (reading a book on game, learning to play guitar, learning a diff language, studying for work-related certifications, studying to get your degree, working on your business etc.)

Hope this helps and best of luck,

GR

Post: #3

Single moms are desperate just as you are, but for different reasons. Treat it as sort of mutually beneficial short-term arrangement. Try to avoid catching "the feels". Avoid spending a lot of money on her. Give yourself some sort of maximum time-limit for how long you'll fool around with this woman to avoid settling. I got too embroiled when I was in your situation and suffered as a result so you have an opportunity to get in and out without burning your hand in the fire if you follow these precautions.

Post: #4

You are going for the low-hanging-fruit.
It is not a bad thing to have single moms as fuck-buddies.

As for the approaches:
Sometimes you have a bad streak. It happens.
You can do other stuff for a few days/weeks and then get back to approaching.
If this continues for a long while, see if you can find a friend who is "Red pill" and ask him for feedback.

Post: #5

After reading you guys thoughts and thinking some more, I've decided to just see where things go with her.

As far as some of your questions Griprip, I would say there is one that sticks out to me. I'm NOT excelling in my job or responsibilities. As I've aged, purpose has a become a major tenant of my life and I notice that since I haven't quite settled on it, everything is out of wack.

My job pays ok and the people I work with are ok, but I just have no drive whatsoever to do what I'm doing. I just grind through the day constantly falling asleep, questioning why I'm still where I'm at, and where I could go, but never really coming up with a good answer.

At home, things aren't really any better. It's been going on for a bit, but I've just become extremely lazy. I can't bring myself to cook a simple meal or do the simplest tasks to help out around the house and practically everything seems like "too much work." I have zero drive to do anything except lay down or sit around and read books or watch tv.

As for the approaches, I feel like I've given up. I see women all day and I think about how attractive they are, but then I think "I don't feel like trying to do this." I want to regain that drive I had earlier last year back, but I just don't know where it went.

Post: #6

Savour small victories. You can write the most awesome ambitious list of goals imaginable but you'll never get anywhere if you just beat yourself up for not achieving them all right away. Even if your goal is to be studying another language for 2 hours a day 7 days a week don't quit because you only managed to get in 3 or 4 hours total one week. Something is always better than nothing and excellence takes time to cultivate. When you want to achieve something worthwhile you're going to have to struggle for it.

Post: #7

(01-30-2017 12:53 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  On the other hand, it bothers me. Because of her age and the kids, I feel like I'm doing this because it's "easier." Case in point, she basically opened me, she got me to get her number, AND she sent the first message. So as you can see, I really didn't have to put myself out there at all.

With all this said, I just feel like I'm shortchanging myself and I should get out before I get too involved. Am I just being ridiculous or do I have issues bigger than this at play?

Do you want to bang this girl or not?

If you want to have sex with her and she is making it easy then go for it jeez.

Post: #8

(02-01-2017 11:11 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

(01-30-2017 12:53 PM)rapaz12 Wrote:  On the other hand, it bothers me. Because of her age and the kids, I feel like I'm doing this because it's "easier." Case in point, she basically opened me, she got me to get her number, AND she sent the first message. So as you can see, I really didn't have to put myself out there at all.

With all this said, I just feel like I'm shortchanging myself and I should get out before I get too involved. Am I just being ridiculous or do I have issues bigger than this at play?

Do you want to bang this girl or not?

If you want to have sex with her and she is making it easy then go for it jeez.

^ Co-signed with the General.

In the words of Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade, "When in doubt, fuck."