Post: #1

Ok I don't want to say I have PTSD because I know my problems are minuscule compared to the problems soldiers go through. With that said, I still find this to be a problem for me.

So now I'm relatively happy, I work out 5 times a week with set goals and hitting PR's often, I'm designing a IOS game that could potentially be as popular as angry birds, I can approach almost any woman and charm her off her feet, and a couple of video games that I've been waiting years for finally came out. Life has been pretty good for me. Not to mention I'm constantly reading, constantly learning from this forum and improving in every way I can.

Here's the problem. As some of you may know, I had a VERY toxic relationship. I was pretty much a cuck. and 2016-2018 were horrible years for me.(mainly due to the fact that I've loss 6 friends, and 2 mentors...and my biggest mentor got so sick he was moved to Kentucky) After all of that loss, however, I was in a relationship with a woman who not only refused to help me through the situation but decided to make the situation worse. The lying, the manipulation, the cheating, the stalker tactics, the verbal abuse, all mixed with the existential crisis I was going through. Every night I had death on my mind, once I made peace with the deaths she came to mind and the paranoia of what she would do or the pain of what she said would creep in.

I won't go into detail about the main thing she did that was the final nail in the coffin but she basically told me she was in danger the guy heard me on the phone and decided to fuck her while I was talking to her....loudly.

I haven't heard from her in over a month, have no desire to talk to her, and been making progress in life ever since. However the main problem for me is I have NO DESIRE to function with women.

I'm 100% not gay, I find women VERY attractive and even approach them but once it's time to escalate or even get their number I just freeze and have flashbacks. Sex is impossible because I have flashbacks of her and what these guys might have done with her. Porn is dead to me because of these flashbacks (which might be a good thing) I still have a hard time sleeping some nights due to these thoughts.

I'm a MUCH better man after joining this Forum but this is a major sticking point. I know the key to getting over her is forgiveness and moving on. I know all of this is 100% my fault due to my inability to leave. I know I need to just fuck other women and probably get my testosterone checked (because I feel like it's low).

Post: #2

First of all thanks for sharing man I'm sure this must of took some courage to write. I'm sure you'll get great advice from us overall... and mine would be to look into NLP to re-settle your frame around women... but you issue might be too serious for us psychology quarterback... And a Professional might be better suited to help you with this one! Good Luck

Post: #3

Find a male psychiatrist and work through this -make sure you find a good psychiatrist who will work with psychotherapy as opposed to just giving you SSRIs and calling it a day. You need to work through this as you have had a lot happen at once, it may take a year or more to push through this-but time and a healthy routine will do wonders and eventually heal you. Stay strong, keep pushing forward.

I won't go into it , but I had similar issues-it took 2 years to recover, and I am a better man for it-You will get better and be better after this.

Post: #4

+1 for a few NLP sessions as a starting place.

Very effective mental mind ninja techniques.

Also consider you just need some time off, as a few years alone and on self development may get you on the right track.

Post: #5

(02-07-2019 11:07 AM)Donfitz007 Wrote:  I haven't heard from her in over a month, have no desire to talk to her, and been making progress in life ever since. However the main problem for me is I have NO DESIRE to function with women.

... I know I need to just fuck other women and probably get my testosterone checked (because I feel like it's low).

Totally normal dude. When my toxic marriage ended five years ago, I could barely talk to any women (except professionally) for the next four months, let alone want to date/fuck them. My T level was basically non-existent. I remember looking at some porn at the time, but in general being basically disinterested in anything relating to real-life sex.

THEN

Four months later, I was staying at a relative's house for a few weeks when something changed in my mind. In a single day, I went from lethargic and fuzzy-headed ... to sharp, focused, aggressive, predatorial, and horny as hell.

Yes, my psyche had repaired itself. My T levels had suddenly returned with a vengeance ... and man, I needed to fuck a woman, bad.

It was a rush of blood to the little head, as Coldplay said lol. So I went on a yearlong sexual rampage. I've been back to normal ever since.

I'm not a professional therapist, but this was my experience. You may find the same happens to you.

Hope all goes well.

Post: #6

Thanks for all the help. I was expecting people to be pretty harsh.

Post: #7

One thing to bear with PTSD in mind is that it can only be diagnosed at a distance of time.

According to medicine, harrowing experiences can leave the bravest with PTSD whilst admitted cowards remain relatively unaffected. It is a lottery to some extent.

A medic would not diagnose PTSd until the triggering incidents were at least 3 months previous.

What Savaronola says is right. It is totally natural to have lost your interest and sex drive at this time.
It may not have anything to do with PTSd.
By way of example, I have come face to face with illness and mortality in the past and sometimes it sends me crazy with horniness (spread my seed before I die) and sometimes my sex drive just gets switched off.

Sounds like you could do with someone to talk to.

>IF< it is PTSD then bear in mind that most medically sanctioned treatments, according to the research, don't work that well.
Talking therapies REALLY don't work despite the fact that so many specialists give referrals for them.

There is a treatment to do with wiring the brain or rewiring it by attaching electrodes and getting the patient to interact with a computer and stimulating the right parts of the brain. Experts like Bessel Van Der Kolk rate it and apparently the results look good.

Post: #8

Disclaimer: not medical advice, talk to your doctor, bla bla bla:

Bro. You do not have PTSD. Your mind is doing the right thing: it removed your desire for women because that bitch gave you so much stress.

This is temporary. It happened to me too several times. It is an automatic response of your psychological immune system.

Just roll with it and focus your energy elsewhere. If I could go back in time, I'd bitchslap my younger self and tell him to focus on getting shit done.

Only hire a cognitive based therapist if and only if after months you cant get anything done because you are distracted by thoughts of this crazy bitch. If you do get shit done, you are not sick and a therapist has nothing to offer you.

When in 6 months or so you return to hunting women you develop sexual problems, only hire a therapist if spending time with a LOVING woman for six months did not solve it.

Post: #9

So like a dumbass I decided “hmm maybe I should try to get one more notch before going monk mode” so I finally got a lay and it was horrible.

Not only did I have this intense burning desire to be the best she ever had, but flashbacks of my ex kept popping up. It was rough but that isn’t even the worse part.

The worse happened when only 3 or so minutes in I just finished, out of nowhere. Before I could slow down the point of no return just happened and it was over. Couldn’t even get it back up.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m 24, 220 at 5’11 yes I have a bit of fat but I’m
Mostly muscle “bear mode” and I want to cut down. With that being said I don’t think me being overweight is the problem but I mentioned it cause it might very well be. Plus i injured my tailbone pulling 535 in deadlifts.

This really made me feel a whole lot worse as now I feel I can’t satify a women. I’ve went from somebody who could go literal hours before nutting to a 1 hit wonder.

Do you think it has something to do with my ex?

Post: #10

I feel you man, I have PTGD (Post Traumatic Gym Disorder). I did legs once and that's how I got it. Every time I see a squat rack I have flashbacks to that day I did legs, the feeling of actually using my legs under a load and devoting calories to growing them was terrifying.

Post: #11

Dang I actually liked B-Minus...

Post: #12

What you need to do is reach a point where you can look at the experience with your ex from a 3rd person perspective and fully understand why it happened and, most importantly, how to prevent it from happening again, because hindsight is 20/20 and you should be able to tease out red-flags.

I had one and only one relationship that has gone down as the most painful, worse than my ex-wife and custody battle situation, but the upside is I know that's the worst it's ever going to get. I simply won't become as emotionally invested and vulnerable again. So in a strange way, I have that bad experience to thank for exposing all of the conditions that will result in emotional pain that severe. It has innoculated myself from future pain. That's not to say I haven't had drama since, I have. But I have developed a thicker skin and I don't lull myself into a sense of security. I do miss that loss of innocence but it's just better this way.

I haven't read the Mark Manson give no F's book but that's kind of what comes to mind here. Pain isn't all external. It is something everyone sort of generates inside themselves through their hopes/fears/insecurites. I think men tend to follow a logical tree through life. We want assurances that if we do X, Y, and Z we will get a predictable outcome. That's simply not how it works with women. One moment you can be the center of their world and the next it's "just somebody that I used to know". Briffault's Law and hypergamy.

When you think someone has more honor and integrity than they do, it's traumatic because it makes you second-guess your own judgment. It makes you wonder whether you can ever really know someone if you had such a false (idealized) image of the other person. So again, I have tried to become more philosophical. When you enter into a woman's life it is the product of a set of lucky circumstances. No matter how good it gets there's no guarantee it will last. It would be nice if there were loyal women out there who will stick with you thick and thin, but that's the NAWALT fantasy. So for me, I always look at it one day at a time. Expect the worst but hope for the best and you'll never be disappointed.