Post: #1

I can't understand women.

So I had a ONS with this girl I share some friends with couple of months ago. Didn't have much contact afterwards for a while but from time to time we would have small chats over facebook but not much. She was the one usually opening conversations and asking stuff like "Hey, are you going out tonight?" but I never saw her again.

Couple of days ago we were in a party together and we made out for a while but nothing else happened. Next morning she's writing to me something like: "hey good morning how are you feeling? "

So we chatted a bit, she said stuff like I'm a very good kisser, that we should see each other for some more "kissing" soon so I suggested going for a drink during the week since we don't usually go to the same places and I would never see her otherwise. She agreed and we said we would talk later in the week to confirm hour and place.

The day before the "date" I talk with her for a bit, she gives me her phone and says she'll be busy during the day but that she would be "all mine in the evening". The day of the date I text her to confirm place and time and at first she's like "ok, where do you want to meet?". When I tell her where it takes her a while to reply and she texts me "I will be in xx at about 10 with my friends, come join us".

So in the last moment our "date" changed to hanging out with her friends. I told her to have fun with her friends, that maybe we would meet some other day. She then texted me with something like: "ok we can meet some other time", and some minutes later apologizing with some lame excuse. I did not reply.

I liked the girl a bit, she's cute and seemed at least worth knowing. But right now after she pulled that stupid flake/lame excuse I don't really feel like talking to her and I won't unless she contacts me again and tries to make up for that dick move.

As I didn't reply to the last text I find it hard to think that she will try to contact me again. She would be in too a humilliating position after I didn't reply to her.

Story short: a girl I had a ONS with shows a lot of interest over chat. We arrange to have a drink and in the last moment our "date" changes to hanging out with her friends, I tell her to have fun with her friends (don't go). She comes out with lame excuse, I don't reply to her text.

Was it a bad idea to ask her out for a drink? Maybe I should've waited for her to ask. Somehow asking a girl out for a drink doesn't come that natural to me, seems too beta and to show too much interest (makes me look weak and I'm never that interested anyways, which when the girl really likes me raises her expectations too much).

Stay strong guys.

Post: #2

You're over analyzing this. Girls will flake for millions of reasons. You already banged her, so I'm not sure why there's a sense of loss on your end.

Post: #3

She's probably fishing for signs of commitment from you or trying to "game" you. Unless you have the time, next.

Post: #4

(04-20-2013 07:03 PM)CJ Wrote:  You're over analyzing this. Girls will flake for millions of reasons. You already banged her, so I'm not sure why there's a sense of loss on your end.

You're totally right, I'm just pissed because I lost control of the girl. I felt she might be worth knowing.

Anyhow, don't have the time or the interest tbh. Next

Post: #5

(04-21-2013 07:32 AM)wroclove Wrote:  

(04-20-2013 07:03 PM)CJ Wrote:  You're over analyzing this. Girls will flake for millions of reasons. You already banged her, so I'm not sure why there's a sense of loss on your end.

You're totally right, I'm just pissed because I lost control of the girl. I felt she might be worth knowing.

Anyhow, don't have the time or the interest tbh. Next

Good attitude. I struggle with the same impulse - once I bang a girl I generally want to get to know her better and see her as having some value. The truth is they always disappoint. The only women worth getting to know better are the ones who want to know you better. Flaky and sketchy behavior are a woman's way of letting you know she's not who you think she is.

Post: #6

(04-21-2013 08:13 AM)Ensam Wrote:  

(04-21-2013 07:32 AM)wroclove Wrote:  

(04-20-2013 07:03 PM)CJ Wrote:  You're over analyzing this. Girls will flake for millions of reasons. You already banged her, so I'm not sure why there's a sense of loss on your end.

You're totally right, I'm just pissed because I lost control of the girl. I felt she might be worth knowing.

Anyhow, don't have the time or the interest tbh. Next

Good attitude. I struggle with the same impulse - once I bang a girl I generally want to get to know her better and see her as having some value. The truth is they always disappoint. The only women worth getting to know better are the ones who want to know you better. Flaky and sketchy behavior are a woman's way of letting you know she's not who you think she is.

This is totally the needed mindset, it just takes some experience or just talking with other people about it to achieve the ataraxic state of mind that allows you to just think "it's her loss".

The girlfriend thing doesn't appeal to me at all, I value too much my freedom and hate being told what to do. But I do believe in healthy fuckfriend relationships, and I'm usually interested in knowing more the girls I bang. So far all have disappointed me. Either they get too attached and I have to get rid of them or they're just superficial dumb bitches.

I think the mistake was asking her out for a drink, I should've just teased her enough to make her want to do it instead. I sometimes just get tired of being a dick and want to be a nice guy instead. Never works.

Post: #7

The good news is, I don't see any problem here whatsoever. You just need to work this girl from a different angle now!

I think a lot of us get caught up assuming women want to be taken on dates and don't like casual sex and fuck buddies.

What if this girl just wants to hang out in a casual setting with some friends? Dates can be intimidating and weird sometimes. Also, some girls will feel awkward after they have fucked you (for their own reasons).

However, I don't recommend strolling up to her and her friends. Or if you do, definitely don't do it solo, go with a buddy.

Ultimately, I recommend "chill/casual guy game" moving forward.

In summary....

My advice:

* Keep it casual (ie. "hey I'm at club xyz with John, why don't you come by with a friend" or "I'm having a few people over to my place, join with a friend")

* Don't meet up with her friends, get her to meet you

* You could even go out to your separate clubs and then just meet at your place when the nights are over (this is ideal for me).

Post: #8

Your advice sounds pretty good.

Somehow I struggle to text girls I'm interested in banging to come join me with my friends for two reasons:

1) It seems I'm acting needy or like I'm too interested as I want her to join me, which I can't stand. Maybe I'm too proud and should care less of what girls think of me and just go my way. Looking it from the girls point of view I would like a guy to text me that kind of stuff, just like I would like her doing so and showing interest. But just now, after she cancelled last time I feel like I should wait for her to show interest again.

2) I have more fun just with my buddies and would rather just see girls I bang alone and not interfere with approaching other girls in clubs and having fun altogether.

Post: #9

(04-22-2013 10:11 AM)wroclove Wrote:  Your advice sounds pretty good.

Somehow I struggle to text girls I'm interested in banging to come join me with my friends for two reasons:

1) It seems I'm acting needy or like I'm too interested as I want her to join me, which I can't stand. Maybe I'm too proud and should care less of what girls think of me and just go my way. Looking it from the girls point of view I would like a guy to text me that kind of stuff, just like I would like her doing so and showing interest. But just now, after she cancelled last time I feel like I should wait for her to show interest again.

2) I have more fun just with my buddies and would rather just see girls I bang alone and not interfere with approaching other girls in clubs and having fun altogether.

As you develop a stronger frame you will gain much more leniency in your texting game.

Post: #10

(04-22-2013 10:15 AM)gandt Wrote:  

(04-22-2013 10:11 AM)wroclove Wrote:  Your advice sounds pretty good.

Somehow I struggle to text girls I'm interested in banging to come join me with my friends for two reasons:

1) It seems I'm acting needy or like I'm too interested as I want her to join me, which I can't stand. Maybe I'm too proud and should care less of what girls think of me and just go my way. Looking it from the girls point of view I would like a guy to text me that kind of stuff, just like I would like her doing so and showing interest. But just now, after she cancelled last time I feel like I should wait for her to show interest again.

2) I have more fun just with my buddies and would rather just see girls I bang alone and not interfere with approaching other girls in clubs and having fun altogether.

As you develop a stronger frame you will gain much more leniency in your texting game.

What do you mean with leniency in my texting game?

Post: #11

(04-22-2013 10:26 AM)wroclove Wrote:  

(04-22-2013 10:15 AM)gandt Wrote:  

(04-22-2013 10:11 AM)wroclove Wrote:  Your advice sounds pretty good.

Somehow I struggle to text girls I'm interested in banging to come join me with my friends for two reasons:

1) It seems I'm acting needy or like I'm too interested as I want her to join me, which I can't stand. Maybe I'm too proud and should care less of what girls think of me and just go my way. Looking it from the girls point of view I would like a guy to text me that kind of stuff, just like I would like her doing so and showing interest. But just now, after she cancelled last time I feel like I should wait for her to show interest again.

2) I have more fun just with my buddies and would rather just see girls I bang alone and not interfere with approaching other girls in clubs and having fun altogether.

As you develop a stronger frame you will gain much more leniency in your texting game.

What do you mean with leniency in my texting game?

Many years back when I started out, when I was less skilled and less alpha than I am now, I would manage to get numbers but would need to play it by the book when it comes to texting... (ie. all the tactics from no flakes).

When you have developed:

* A strong alpha frame

* No desire for external approval

* Outcome independence

* Ability to attract her and develop a safe environment to let her "inner slut out"

then you can send texts like "let's meet up later, i wanna play with your pussy" (obviously use your discretion with each girl).

Basically, if you set the pace straight from the approach then she has to keep up.

Post: #12

Nice, I'm in that newbie-improving stage right now. I do experience those 4 points from time to time when I have a confidence boost or I just don't care that much about the girl (then I have the control).

I am aware that girls are all the same, it's just about my mindset and how much of a fuck I give about what she says or what the outcome of the actions is.

Thanks for the good advice, I should focus on "no desire for external approval". Just keep doing what I want and not giving a fuck.

Post: #13

(04-22-2013 10:48 AM)wroclove Wrote:  Nice, I'm in that newbie-improving stage right now. I do experience those 4 points from time to time when I have a confidence boost or I just don't care that much about the girl (then I have the control).

I am aware that girls are all the same, it's just about my mindset and how much of a fuck I give about what she says or what the outcome of the actions is.

Thanks for the good advice, I should focus on "no desire for external approval". Just keep doing what I want and not giving a fuck.

PM me for some "no desire for external approval" material.

Post: #14

(04-22-2013 11:07 AM)gandt Wrote:  

(04-22-2013 10:48 AM)wroclove Wrote:  Nice, I'm in that newbie-improving stage right now. I do experience those 4 points from time to time when I have a confidence boost or I just don't care that much about the girl (then I have the control).

I am aware that girls are all the same, it's just about my mindset and how much of a fuck I give about what she says or what the outcome of the actions is.

Thanks for the good advice, I should focus on "no desire for external approval". Just keep doing what I want and not giving a fuck.

PM me for some "no desire for external approval" material.

You have a PM.

Post: #15

you're fine. her friends probably called her to come to their party/hang out so she felt that inviting you there is "safer" option.

Post: #16

(04-22-2013 01:00 PM)XXL Wrote:  you're fine. her friends probably called her to come to their party/hang out so she felt that inviting you there is "safer" option.

The way I see it for how the text conversation went is that she got nervous in the end and told me to go with her friends because she knew I wouldn't go.

At least it's better than just flaking in the way of "I can't because my dog ate my house keys".

FWIF I run into her today and she acted nice. "Good to see you", big smile and kisses in both cheeks. It wasn't akward at all but we didn't say much. I just don't know her that much and didn't want to talk about wether she was going out today or anything which could make her think I'm still too interested.

I might text her on friday/saturday to see if she's going out or to invite her to join me to some kind of social thing bbq/predrink at my place.