Post: #1

I was at the DMV today, and the security guard was a 300lb woman. This got me thinking – why was she hired? I mean if somebody made a run for it, there’s no way she would ever catch them!

The fattest security guard I’ve ever seen was probably 400lbs. I’ve also seen a store where the security guard was a really old woman, probably in her 50s or early 60s.

Is this an American thing? I don’t recall seeing fat security guards back in UK or any other country that I’ve visited.

Are the Americans being PC by hiring these people?

Post: #2

So that she can execute the special Spinning-Slap-Ultra-Attack ™. Duh.

Post: #3

Security guards aren't always there to chase people, they're also there to look like a source of order and confront people when they become unruly.

The US has lots of big people and lots of aggressive people. Generally the aggressive ones don't like to pick fights with the big ones.

Post: #4

Went to walmart yesterday and saw a uniformed security guard on patrol. By that I mean he was strolling about while on his smartphone.

He was wearing black socks and nike sandals.
"This motherfucka ain't chasing down nobody."

Post: #5

Go to any inner city ghetto hospital emergency room. Try to hit the trifecta/perfect storm that brings out all the crazies. This means, on a Friday, 13th day of the month, preferably on or close to a full moon. No shit, crazies always hit the ER under a full moon. My old man is a doctor, and in his early years he worked at some places in the low rent areas. He said it was no bullshit. Friday the 13th and a full moon had the crazies and out in full force. He said it was nothing for one of those 250-300lb black women working as orderlies to be seen walking down the hall with a drunk under her arm carrying him like suitcase so she could toss him in the shower to start getting him dried out. You don't have to be able to run to muscle someone around.

Post: #6

The security guard at the university library here is an old woman.
With a cane.

Post: #7

Security guards are just deterrents. The liability associated with a security guard putting their hands on a perp is large.

Post: #8

Never judge a book by its cover, OP. They may be fat but a good number of those guards can kick our asses pretty well. A lot of guards I know are either retired military or law enforcement, some are fat some are not. My point is that despite their appearance, some of those fatties are dangerous.

Post: #9

We have 5 foot tall 90 lb old Asian women as security guards where I'm from. They'd probably rip your spine out mortal kombat style if you tried to steal stuff.

Post: #10

Nowadays, it only takes one strong finger to:

1. Tase someone
2. Pepper spray someone
3. Unlock your iPhone 12 and call five-oh
4. Push a button under your security-guard podium

Back in the day, I saw many a security guard in action. One time, this wiry Latino guy asked a troublemaking, gigantic homeless-looking dude to leave this fast-food joint. When the homeless guy simply opened his mouth to explain why he was there, the guard started putting on some OJ-Simpson-tight leather gloves.

Homeless Guy: Wait, wait, wait. I have money this time.
Security Guard: [silently keeps putting on gloves]
Homeless Guy: Please, man. Look. [shows him crumbled bills]
Security Guard: [silently takes off gloves and kicks back.]

It was clear this guy not only routinely put the smack down, but had put the smack down on this particular homeless-looking dude before. Dude had a technique and didn't explain himself.

That's security. Old-school.

Post: #11

[quote='WesternCancer' pid='319813' dateline='1354565146']
We have 5 foot tall 90 lb old Asian women as security guards where I'm from. They'd probably rip your spine out mortal kombat style if you tried to steal stuff.
*** The most lethal guard I ever met was a 50 year old (at the time) Russian ex-bodyguard who worked nights at my friend's workplace. He was 6 feet tall and probably weighed no more than 200 pounds. He was a little quirky and weird in mannerisms and didnt even look that deadly in appearance. He claimed to know almost a dozen fighting techniques which I always thought was bullshit. Boy, was I wrong! My friend one day showed me a security tape of this guy taking down 4 big thugs single-handedly who had broken inside without breaking a sweat. Just goes to show you never know who you're dealing with.

Post: #12

Samoans are great security guards. Like the Irish are firemen.

Don't discount a Samoan bouncer/security guard. Just because they are fat they will still run your ass down.

Aloha!

Post: #13

People equate being heavy with not being athletic. And nothing could be further from the truth. Take a look at an NFL Offensive Lineman or a Defensive Tackle. Arguably, for their size, the most impressive athletes on the field.

Post: #14

(12-03-2012 10:23 PM)CMan0928 Wrote:  People equate being heavy with not being athletic. And nothing could be further from the truth. Take a look at an NFL Offensive Lineman or a Defensive Tackle. Arguably, for their size, the most impressive athletes on the field.

That's what I'm saying:

Check this guy out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manti_Te'o

Aloha!