Post: #1

It's getting to the point where I'm going to just up and leave the date if the girl crosses her leg away from me. I can't think of a time when things have turned around in my favor after this has happened.

Has anyone noticed this as well? Have you been able to overcome this after it has happened? Or is it the kiss of death- the sign that the game was over long before the leg is actually crossed.

My gut tells me that there is no way to crack this, and that it's better to get out asap.

Post: #2

Leaving a date based on that seems extreme. Most people don't pay as much attention to body language in themselves or others as they should, and while it provides subtle but valuable information and clues, even experts will admit it's not hard science. Maybe her leg just got tired.

It's possible this action in her triggers your belief that the date is going nowhere, so you pull back as well, and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then again they've done studies that show if you make yourself smile you feel happier. Maybe the same is true with legs crossed. Context matters if your are sitting at a bar, in a booth, on a couch or wherever. So think of a reason to stand up or get her out of that position.

Post: #3

Yes, maybe it does affect my behavior, but I implore you to check this out next time you are on a date.

I believe it is the elephant in the room of body language tells.

Post: #4

One time a girl was ready to leave a club with me because she was bored there, but then started dancing with some other guy. I just told her in the most polite way that I was leaving with no hint of anger (I didn't have any, in fact, I didn't even slightly care) After we bumped in to each other in neutral places, I found out she had a thing for me. We went out once, and she was ready for fucking.

Post: #5

(12-16-2012 12:25 PM)Luxe Wrote:  Leaving a date based on that seems extreme. Most people don't pay as much attention to body language in themselves or others as they should, and while it provides subtle but valuable information and clues, even experts will admit it's not hard science. Maybe her leg just got tired.

It's possible this action in her triggers your belief that the date is going nowhere, so you pull back as well, and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then again they've done studies that show if you make yourself smile you feel happier. Maybe the same is true with legs crossed. Context matters if your are sitting at a bar, in a booth, on a couch or wherever. So think of a reason to stand up or get her out of that position.

Yeah I agree with this. I've recovered from the cold arms crossed pose many times. Often girls adopt these positions because of external factors (temperature, comfort), or because of shyness or a little bit of apprehension (which is often a good thing in my book).

I think many people just don't pay as much attention to their body language and "tells" as most of us do.

Post: #6

Body language has to be interpreted in bundles. Just because she crosses her leg away from you doesn't mean that she isn't into you. Pay attention to the way her torso is facing, proximity, pupil dilatation, forehead activity.

Next time you're out, pay attention to a girl who's with her boyfriend, most of the time her leg is crossed towards him. If she gets a message on her cell phone, she'll take the cell phone out of her purse, cross her leg the other way and start buttoning it. Does it mean that she wants to break up with her boyfriend? No, it just means that she's reserved, inside her head and focused on what she's doing.

I suggest you read What every body is saying by Joe Navarro.

Btw, whenever i notice the girl is standing cross-legged away from me, i take a step back and focus a little on comfort. It works most of the time.

Post: #7

One way to break this is to, well, physically break it. I've read a number of places that crossed arms can mean a negotiation is working badly, but one way to break out of that pattern is simple: hand the person something, which breaks their "arm lock", which in turn breaks their internal closure; then you can do the usual mirroring, building rapport, etc. The analog to crossed legs is a little more complex, although physically moving to a new location is one option.

Post: #8

(12-16-2012 05:29 PM)highandtight Wrote:  

(12-16-2012 12:25 PM)Luxe Wrote:  Leaving a date based on that seems extreme. Most people don't pay as much attention to body language in themselves or others as they should, and while it provides subtle but valuable information and clues, even experts will admit it's not hard science. Maybe her leg just got tired.

It's possible this action in her triggers your belief that the date is going nowhere, so you pull back as well, and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Then again they've done studies that show if you make yourself smile you feel happier. Maybe the same is true with legs crossed. Context matters if your are sitting at a bar, in a booth, on a couch or wherever. So think of a reason to stand up or get her out of that position.

Yeah I agree with this. I've recovered from the cold arms crossed pose many times. Often girls adopt these positions because of external factors (temperature, comfort), or because of shyness or a little bit of apprehension (which is often a good thing in my book).

I think many people just don't pay as much attention to their body language and "tells" as most of us do.

This thread isn't about crossed arms.

Post: #9

(12-16-2012 05:30 PM)Don Wrote:  Body language has to be interpreted in bundles. Just because she crosses her leg away from you doesn't mean that she isn't into you. Pay attention to the way her torso is facing, proximity, pupil dilatation, forehead activity.

Next time you're out, pay attention to a girl who's with her boyfriend, most of the time her leg is crossed towards him. If she gets a message on her cell phone, she'll take the cell phone out of her purse, cross her leg the other way and start buttoning it. Does it mean that she wants to break up with her boyfriend? No, it just means that she's reserved, inside her head and focused on what she's doing.

I suggest you read What every body is saying by Joe Navarro.

Btw, whenever i notice the girl is standing cross-legged away from me, i take a step back and focus a little on comfort. It works most of the time.

I read What Every Body is saying. Have you ever recovered to bang from leg crossed away.

Post: #10

Ye, I was on a date the other night and thought things were going pretty well but at one point in the night when she got back into the car she did that and it just went downhill from there. Never figured out what happened but she still seems interested. Maybe she just thought things were moving too quickly that night and I for sure was.

Post: #11

(12-16-2012 09:13 PM)soup Wrote:  ...this thread is not about crossed arms...

I read What Every Body is saying. Have you ever recovered to bang from leg crossed away.

Have you ever recovered from being obsessive-compulsive and excessively rigid?

Bringing up crossed arms seems quite relevant as a possible example of analogical reasoning.