Dulceácido
Chubby Chaser
 
Posts: 589
Joined: Dec 2012
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RE: Landwhale With HPV Refuses to Blow
(03-24-2015 02:15 PM)Geomann180 Wrote: Quote:Why I Don't Give Blowjobs
March 23, 2015
By Alison Stevenson
Ever notice how fat woman seem to publish a lot of articles on their sex life (or they try to spin their lack thereof)
Quote:I don't suck dick. That's the deal, plain and simple.
You should state this upfront to every man so that he doesn't have to strain his eyes looking at you for more than three seconds. In fact, wear a sign. or a T-Shirt. There's plenty of real estate to get the message across in big, bold letters.
Quote:I know this statement is sure to enrage heaps of men, and even women, who consider blowjobs a mandatory part of anyone's sexual repertoire. I totally get that. Here's the thing, though: I fucking hate it. I've never enjoyed cramming a penis in my mouth.
Have you tried pretending it was a corn dog? Obviously you have no problem cramming food in your mouth.
Quote:I want to clarify that this does not at all mean I hate penises...
YADA YADA YADA
YADA YADA YADA
All I'm saying is that I despise the act of putting one in my mouth, and forcing my mouth to partake in the motions my hand or vagina could perform instead.
Yet as you're about to tell us, you don't do either of those either.
Quote:I currently have a man in my life who I'm not exactly dating, but who comes over about once a week to eat me out.
You mean in your orbit.
Quote:The only thing I give him in return is a pat on the back for doing a good job. Some might think this arrangement is strange, but I prefer to think of it as pretty damn close to perfect.
There's no pleasing you is there, huh?
Quote:It was on our second date that I first gave him the opportunity to suck on my clitoris. After thanking him for giving me a ride home, I simply said, "Want to come up to my place and eat me out?" He gave me an enthusiastic yes, and we got to it. I sat on his face until I came, then sent him home.This has been our arrangement for a little over two months now.
I want to see a picture of this man. I'm not entirely convinced "he" is not just a handsome lesbian, like Rosie O'Donnell.
Quote:If you're wondering why we don't have sex, it's because I have made a promise to myself not to have sex until I'm in a relationship.
Oral sex is still sex. If it wasn't, prositutes wouldn't charge for a blow job, they'd just be happy to have something warm in their stomachs.
Quote:While this guy is obviously very generous, the chemistry is not really there when it comes to the little things, like conversation.
Any man is generous if he shares so much as eye contact with you.
Quote:Since starting things with him, I have resolved to never suck a dick again. I have also resolved to refuse getting romantically involved with any man who doesn't want to eat me out.
I wonder why.
Quote:Even if he has passwords for both Hulu Plus and HBOGo, I will still find the strength in me to call it quits if he can't put his mouth down there. Am I being selfish? Probably. But I don't care.
If it takes strength on your part to ditch him for not meeting your..er..standards despite him having Hulu Plus, HBOGo, Netflix, then you're not, just trash.
Okay. I lied. You're also selfish. Trash women like you always are.
Quote:In fact, I firmly believe this perceived selfishness is owed to me. This selfishness comes from many years of having sexual encounters with men who rarely ate me out. If they did, all but two or three of them never bothered to do it long enough for me to actually come.
They never ate you out and you slept with them anyway. This 'guy' you speak of eats you out and you only pat him on the back? How generous of you.
Quote:The real root of the problem seems to be that too many straight dudes are under the impression that women orgasm from penetration. The only thing a man has been able to give me during penetrative sex is HPV
How men did you sleep with before you got HPV?
Better yet - how many men did you sleep with before you realized you had HPV?
Quote:I have never been able to come from penetration alone, and I am in the majority: Between 50 to 75 percent of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. A small portion of women are fortunate to have their clitoris positioned close enough to their vagina that they can come from just sex. Sadly, while my clitoris is in the same region as my vagina, it is still too distant for me to not need oral sex.
You're just big-boned and big-vagina'd. We got it.
Quote:Think of my clitoris as Alaska, while my vagina is Russia. (If you need a less cold or oppressive analogy, replace Alaska with South Korea and Russia with North Korea.)
A less oppressive analogy would be the omission of an analogy.
Quote:I'm fully aware that there is such a thing as stimulating myself while being fucked. However, I've never been able to actually make this work
To far down your stomach to reach with those sausage fingers of yours?
Quote:Look, I know that my years of being denied oral sex is my fault too. I was a different person then. I never asked for what I wanted, because I worried it would make me seem less attractive.
You actually slept with men then, now you're barely getting your box munched. What a coincidence.
Quote:Even the most headstrong, self-reliant, progressive women fall victim to this line of thinking. I have finally been able to fully shed myself of my meekness when it comes to sex and I know now that I can not only demand what I want but also deny what I don't want: blowjobs.
I think you just don't want men in your life. Women, on the other hand...
G
Very, very, well played, Sir. Respect!
"What does one want when one is engaged in the sexual act? That everything around you give you its utter attention, think only of you, care only for you ... every man wants to be a tyrant when he fornicates."
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