Post: #1

So, I finally get to post, let the journey begin.

I've been lurking for a little while now, reading up what interests me, trying to make heads and tails of this all. It makes sense, for the most part.

However, after contemplating most of this for a little while, I've come to the conclusion that I have two main problems. 'Finishing' and more importantly, confidence.

I've seen a few posts about regaining confidence or showing confidence, and whilst I'm fairly good ( I reckon anyway) at faking confidence, I just don't have enough to pull that off reasonably well at the moment. (background info, I had a oneitis 2 and 1/2 years ago, yeah i know, fucking forever, and havent managed to recover since. I've made out with a couple of girls, but for the most part they were chubbies/distinctly average)
So, I need to grow my confidence again, be that 'regaining' or simply getting some in the first place.

Then, 'finishing' as I call it. Basically, I reckon there are three parts to this whole procedure; Approach, Propagation (or screening) , Finishing. I don't have too much problem with approach, given that I'm fairly sharp minded and witty, I'm currently at uni (that ol' abundance), and I can chat shit for days. I probably need more practice at screening to be fair, but its the finishing that I really feel like I have no control over. I have no killer instinct, no gut feeling as to when I should make the move, nor do I know what it is that I should be doing? Do I just go in for it?

Also, I'm pretty new to this, so there's probably a shitload more that I have to learn anyway, if there's anything glaringly obvious I don't know, lemme know?

I have done some albeit quick searches through the forum a couple of times before posting this, but if there are posts about this, could you please link them?
Thanks in advance for helping turn this ship around.

Post: #2

Welcome aboard. Start here

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Post: #3

(02-29-2016 07:04 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Start here

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^Yep.

Post: #4

(02-29-2016 06:49 PM)Ass-Ass-In Wrote:  So, I finally get to post, let the journey begin.

I've been lurking for a little while now, reading up what interests me, trying to make heads and tails of this all. It makes sense, for the most part.

Personally I'm glad for once a newbie post looks like they read the forum before posting. Good work that puts you ahead of a lot of newbies here.

Quote:However, after contemplating most of this for a little while, I've come to the conclusion that I have two main problems. 'Finishing' and more importantly, confidence.

I suggest looking for a few more issues. There's probably more to it than just that. Those are the macro symptoms. Do a bit of self-analyzing in that if you were a hot girl and someone who looked exactly like you/acted like you walked up then hit on you. What would be the response? What changes would you need to make in order for you to become attractive? Yes, women don't run on logic, but this is a good mental exercise to get the baseline down as there is some logic to women.

Quote:I've seen a few posts about regaining confidence or showing confidence, and whilst I'm fairly good ( I reckon anyway) at faking confidence, I just don't have enough to pull that off reasonably well at the moment. (background info, I had a oneitis 2 and 1/2 years ago, yeah i know, fucking forever, and havent managed to recover since. I've made out with a couple of girls, but for the most part they were chubbies/distinctly average)
So, I need to grow my confidence again, be that 'regaining' or simply getting some in the first place.

Confidence is feeling good in your own skin. I suggest waking up every morning and just looking at yourself in the mirror. If you can look at yourself in the eye and observe your own body and feel confident then you're on your way.

The next thing you should do is set a goal for yourself. It is honestly a bit of faking it till you make it. I try to envision myself half a year from now and act like that person in the moment. For me it's a constant way to change.

I look at my own flaws in the most critical way possible and act in measures to take care of them. Right now I smoke cigarettes a bit too much and I'm a bit out of shape. So I'm hitting the gym as hard as I would be in the future once I fixed the issue and handing out more cigarettes when asked as if I have spare cigarettes I don't mind bumming them out usually.

It's all about goal setting and acting on that goal in the current moment.

Quote:Then, 'finishing' as I call it. Basically, I reckon there are three parts to this whole procedure; Approach, Propagation (or screening) , Finishing. I don't have too much problem with approach, given that I'm fairly sharp minded and witty, I'm currently at uni (that ol' abundance), and I can chat shit for days. I probably need more practice at screening to be fair, but its the finishing that I really feel like I have no control over. I have no killer instinct, no gut feeling as to when I should make the move, nor do I know what it is that I should be doing? Do I just go in for it?

That's easy. All you have to do is kick the pedestal down. Closing is easy if your middle game is tight which is between the approach and the first kiss. Constant teasing. Making her laugh etc. etc. etc. Once you've done that and made her comfortable with you then you move in.

A good metric for a girl being comfortable is if she doesn't shy away from being touched. Occasionally brushing up against her shoulder or touching your feet/leg/thigh with hers is my metric for it atleast. If she's comfortable with being touched by you and not moving then you're good.

Though it has to be natural and done in a coincidental way. Not to mention your gut should start going haywire. I always get that feeling in my gut when I know I'm in. For others it might be butterflies or whatever, but it's that sense of nervousness and almost unease that you should be doing something.

That's just the bodily response telling you to move in unless you've said something stupid and feel embarrassed. Then you should just be ejecting.

Quote:Also, I'm pretty new to this, so there's probably a shitload more that I have to learn anyway, if there's anything glaringly obvious I don't know, lemme know?

I have done some albeit quick searches through the forum a couple of times before posting this, but if there are posts about this, could you please link them?
Thanks in advance for helping turn this ship around.

Some good recent threads

/thread-53441.html

/thread-53328.html

Also come and report in to the Player's Lounge with approaches and read what other guys are up too. It's always good motivation and good advice.

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Post: #5

(02-29-2016 07:04 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Welcome aboard. Start here

/thread-11115.html

Thanks,

I have already read that post multiple times. In fact, that's why I made this post. It mentions simply being confident, not how to become confident. It does have a couple of links, I'll read through them again.
But to be fair, one of them opens with 'Bang 25 chicks'. I can tell you now, that's not happening any time soon for me, not without change.
And whilst it does mention approaching, like I said, I don't have a huge problem with that, my problem is more with finishing/closing, whatever you call it.

Post: #6

There are far more experienced players on here than me, with much better advice.

However, try the keep-it-simple formula. After opening and it going well, just isolate/venue change to either your room or hers (you said you are in university) to drink some wine/watch a movie/listen to music/whatever is benign. Once there, keep it comfortable for a bit, if it still goes fine, just look her in the eyes with intent, firmly but gently put your hand around her waist or back of her neck, and kiss her. From there the inertia will take care of the rest.

Just have a good reply prepared for the occasional "you're trying to get me back to your room to have sex" type of response. My only advice for that is, as soon as you make the statement about the venue change, have 100% commitment to go to that venue and do the thing you said, regardless of how she is going to react. Any hesitation there will come off very bad.

Post: #7

(02-29-2016 07:22 PM)Ass-Ass-In Wrote:  

(02-29-2016 07:04 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  Welcome aboard. Start here

/thread-11115.html

Thanks,

I have already read that post multiple times. In fact, that's why I made this post. It mentions simply being confident, not how to become confident. It does have a couple of links, I'll read through them again.
But to be fair, one of them opens with 'Bang 25 chicks'. I can tell you now, that's not happening any time soon for me, not without change.
And whilst it does mention approaching, like I said, I don't have a huge problem with that, my problem is more with finishing/closing, whatever you call it.

hwuzhere wrote

Quote:It's all about goal setting and acting on that goal in the current moment.

The first thing you need to do define your goal as clearly as possible. Once you know the "end game" then its much easier to work backward step by step to where you are now

How do you define "closing"?

I define it as having my dick in a woman's pussy, ass, mouth, tits, or hand when I shoot a load. Period

To me there's no such thing as a "kiss close" or "number close", etc

Everything else, the meet, the number, the date, the dance are all just steps in the process to where I want to end up...balls deep and drained...my goal/close

Make sense?

It sounds like you're off to a good start with plenty of opportunities.

You're going to have to do the work though. Have you read Bang?

In the long run remember this:

Once you get to the point where you don't care if you fail with any one chick is when you will actually have the most success with more of them

Post: #8

Quote:How do you define "closing"?

I define it as having my dick in a woman's pussy, ass, mouth, tits, or hand when I shoot a load. Period

This needs to be enshrined in law. This whole "K close" "Number close" and the god-awful "hug close" needs to be banned from the lexicon. Throw out "HB" while you're at it. How can there be such a thing as "HB3"? There's no such thing as a "Hot Babe" who's a 3.

Post: #9

It is hard to fake confidence, it is easy to tell somebody to be confident but people have a keen radar for fakeness.

Confidence comes from being successful, in my opinion people aren't actually attracted to confidence, they are attracted to success. Confidence works because its the clothing that successful people are most often found wearing. If you recently suffered a breakup or firing or whatever you are going to have a hard time. You can cheat a little, channel success in one endeavor into confidence in another. Really you just have to gut through a bunch of failure and eventually realize it doesn't hurt all that bad, that approaches are actually pretty fun. Even when you are good at this you will get denied more often than not. Pappaya is totally correct.

Getting good at girls is like getting good at math or computers, it isn't this impossible high aptitude thing you need to be born into. Its just that at some point in life people decide they aren't math people or aren't computer people and give up on any effort to develop the skill before they've tried. For me the biggest source of hesitation has always been time and money. I hate blowing 100 bucks on a night out just for a taxi ride and a couple drinks. I hate listening to some bullshit story about a funny thing some girl's cat did the other day, sometimes it feels like they all talk about the same shit. I find that if I don't put outings on my calendar and allot a portion of my budget to going out then I just wont do it. Once I'm committed to an outing and have the funds set aside it gives motivation to try and make the most of it.