Post: #1

What is it where someone ignores you and it pisses you off? You just can't help but message them again to get a response. I would like to know the psychology of this! Any books would also be good, it's something I want to master and get over!!

Post: #2

You took the first step and recognized the problem. This is more of an effect but not really a cause. If you want to get deep it could be something from your childhood where you were ignored and didn't receive attention. So whenever this happens it could trigger that childhood wound. Just google things like "why do I get mad when people ignore me" and thing similar to that. One thing will lead to another, but dig deep. IMO

Post: #3

This seems to be a spillover of your own egoism and narcissism. Just because you are you does not mean somebody has to pay acute attention to you, and you may be getting angry over something innocent like the person simply not seeing the message or forgetting to respond.

Getting worked up over something out of your control is a flaw. Wise fatherly wisdom is to never expect anything in return. If it happens, it happens...

Keep it real

Post: #4

Religious perspective is good. If thats not your thing, existential philosophy is also good. You have to learn to accept that people are dicks, and that the scale of your own ego in relation to the world out there is very small.

I used to have huge anger problems and would shit all over people for the slightest perceived offense. I got over it through religion, but I really gained perspective when I got a job where I would get between 50-100 emails per day. Everyone's message was important to them but I had to ignore some of them. It was nothing personal.

Post: #5

Not sure about books but from my own experience:

This is natural, given the current state of constant attention and instant gratification.

People ignoring you = authority/high value due to less investment in you.

For the sake of discussion as you got me thinking...

Why do you get pissed off?


1.Investment

You are invested enough in to the interaction that subconsciously, you require a response to ensure your investment is rewarded with an answer, this is what you want after all. Less responses = less investment = more valuable. Hence, you keep piling on pressure on an answer and want to text again.



2.Power dynamics

We are social creatures and most people’s internal view of value relies on feedback from their interactions. This is what lets them know if they are doing something right or wrong.
The person who responds least is the one who has more power as it creates a situation of you needing their attention more than they need yours. Related to investment, you want feedback. The person chasing this is the person who is weaker as the stronger person is comfortable in their own skin and places less emphasis on the responses.



3.Self-esteem & value

You are pinging off a person who you consider to be higher value than you (conscious or subconscious). Given this, certain things you may send, when you are putting your vulnerability on the line, will see you place more emphasis on the importance of receiving a response. Compare two scenarios;
a conversation with a person who knows you well vs someone who doesn’t. Inevitably, you will put in more of an effort to be liked with the person you don’t know as much as you are chasing validation of who you are. Essentially, you are putting your idea of yourself on the line with the risk of being rewarded with attention. Ideally, you want to reward those who make an effort with you.



4.Seeking rapport and/or Acceptance

When you are seeking rapport or rather, looking to build a connection with a person, their lack of acknowledgment reflects negatively on your effort. With most people, we defer to trying harder rather than admitting a person would not be interested or playing games (the egoism mentioned by Space Cowboy). Your ego will set it up to get the desirable result, being validated to protect your image of yourself. This is something touched upon by the RSD peeps, seeking, normal and breaking rapport.

Lack of a response is lack of acceptance and as social creatures, we rely on the acceptance of our peers as feedback of what we are doing to be correct.



5. Impatience
People can be busy or may not be able to respond to you. Their inability to drop their shit and respond to you feeds this impatience and you want answers immediately. This has to do with your understanding of their lives and acceptance that conversations are just conversations.



People own phones/email for their convenience, not yours.

As much as I can theorize around this, I am not you.

What I can say for sure is that your self-esteem is pinging off others if you are getting pissed off.

Post: #6

Half the time when someone ignores me, it turns out to be because they didn't get the text/email/voicemail or they're just super busy and forgot.

This thread has reminded me, my mother called about a week ago and I've ignored her voicemail until now. Going to call her right now, thanks RVF!