Post: #1

Hey guys,

I'd appreciate your input on the following.

Just recently I was in bed with a new girl and couldn't get hard. Now thinking back over the years this has become somewhat of a problem.

I have no issues with LTRs, girls I'm comfortable with or morning wood so it's definitely not a physical problem but a mental one.

But thinking back over the years this is a problem that happens nearly EVERY time I'm with someone new for the first time. Used to blame it on alcohol or drugs in the past, but I've quit two years ago and still have this problem. It's not porn either because I rarely masturbate, and not T-Levels because as stated above it's not a problem with regular girls.

Now I try to relax and be in the moment but most of the time this performance anxiety or fear of failure or whatever gets the best of me. After meeting the girl a couple of times afterwards and getting more comfortable the problem goes away.

Has anyone got any tips on how to get over this mental issue? Like specific advice on bringing the mind to relax at that point when you're with someone new in bed. Obviously saying just trying to relax, ignore it and don't worry about it aren't much help, i've tried it before.
Also what are your experiences with viagra/cialis? Has it helped in situations like this, how much did you take? Or would you say ED medication is the wrong route to go down?

Thanks for your advice

Post: #2

There is several threads about your issue. Use search.

Post: #3

I know and I've used the search function of course.
The other threads I've found delt with one time issues, or drunk/drug issues. And the advice of stop drinking/taking drugs/no fap/no porn/it'll get better next time don't apply in this case as I've said above.

I was hoping to get some feedback to really overcome this mental barrier, because the problem happens to me every time I'm with someone new. It's not something that happens once in a while.

And it's frustrating to do the work to get someone new and then having to waiting a few dates/weeks until I can finally get hard.

If this has been delt with in other threads I apologise for having overlooked them, but maybe someone is in a position to comment on this.

Cheers

Post: #4

(03-04-2017 03:02 AM)filio Wrote:  I know and I've used the search function of course.
The other threads I've found delt with one time issues, or drunk/drug issues. And the advice of stop drinking/taking drugs/no fap/no porn/it'll get better next time don't apply in this case as I've said above.

I was hoping to get some feedback to really overcome this mental barrier, because the problem happens to me every time I'm with someone new. It's not something that happens once in a while.

And it's frustrating to do the work to get someone new and then having to waiting a few dates/weeks until I can finally get hard.

If this has been delt with in other threads I apologise for having overlooked them, but maybe someone is in a position to comment on this.

Cheers

Not being able to get it up with new girls isn't a "one time issue"
IF you're not into drugs and are healthy, working out regularly and eating well then the chances of the forum being able to solve this problem are slim.
IF you are completely no fap and 100% do not view or fap to porn then see a doctor.
I highly suspect that you as with most guys fap too much that's why there is the issue in the first place.

Try not fapping for a week and then go meet up with a new girl.

Post: #5

(03-04-2017 03:02 AM)filio Wrote:  I know and I've used the search function of course.
The other threads I've found delt with one time issues, or drunk/drug issues. And the advice of stop drinking/taking drugs/no fap/no porn/it'll get better next time don't apply in this case as I've said above.

I was hoping to get some feedback to really overcome this mental barrier, because the problem happens to me every time I'm with someone new. It's not something that happens once in a while.

And it's frustrating to do the work to get someone new and then having to waiting a few dates/weeks until I can finally get hard.

If this has been delt with in other threads I apologise for having overlooked them, but maybe someone is in a position to comment on this.

Cheers

I think it's called performance anxiety.

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Post: #6

First of all, performance anxiety with a new girl is normal, even if you have already slept with a lot of girls.

Secondly, don't look at porn and stop masturbating (or even edging) for at least 1 to 2 weeks.

Thirdly, it may be that the girls you are getting are not pretty enough and/or you are seducing girls that you actually don't like that much. Your dick knows this better than your brain.

Simple way to test this:

Do you get hard when you simply kiss them deeply (before undressing them) ?

If the answer is no, then you need a different girl.

Post: #7

It hasnt much to do with the attractiveness of the girl. In fact it would probably be worse with the hotter ones.

Its simply performance anxiety from what you described. You game them and come off as a seducer so now you feel that you are expected to perform so it causes you anxiety about it.

When you see them again, the bar is set low and theyve already seen you at your worst. So this reduces your anxiety about it and you can perform.

The long term treatment would probably have to be psychological in some way so i would poiny your research that way.

Post: #8

Marry one and get comfortable with her. Problem solved.

Post: #9

When I'm with a new girl and it's our first go around, I'm ready to put her through the floor.

Your issue is that you keep thinking about not getting it up with past girls when you are with your current one. As simple as it sounds, stop thinking negatively. Don't harp on the past because that will just give you more performance anxiety.

I'm sure it won't be easy to overcome, but there is a barrier that you need to break down in order to move past this situation that constantly happens.

When I was playing ball, I had a mental block to where I couldn't perform to the best of my abilities because I was thinking too much about every little thing that could/might happen. It really fucked with my head and therefore my performance suffered.

After taking a break from it for a few months, I got back into the swing of things and I stopped thinking and started dominating again. My confidence was back and I had no more worries about negatives that might not even happen.

Get your confidence back and try different things to break through that mental block. That could be therapy, self help books, meditation, etc.

Hope it works out for you.

Post: #10

Better diet helps with performance? What diet changes exactly?

Post: #11

I've never had this problem yet, I'm very healthy and I've been lucky so far, but if it ever arose, there's a quick solution.

Blowjob.

Post: #12

(03-04-2017 04:07 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  I've never had this problem yet, I'm very healthy and I've been lucky so far, but if it ever arose, there's a quick solution.

Blowjob.

I agree, if my dick is a little soft going into the pus, I just tell her to suck my dick for a bit.

Post: #13

(03-04-2017 04:07 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  I've never had this problem yet, I'm very healthy and I've been lucky so far, but if it ever arose, there's a quick solution.

Blowjob.

I don't know man. There are some women that give mind blowing head, and others that give lousy "I'd rather slam my dick in a door" head.

Could go either way.

Post: #14

This happens to me too, but only occasionally. About half the time, or half of the girls I am with.

Just had sex with a new girl tonight after fapping twice earlier today, and I was immediately hard as a rock and had some really good sex with her. No issues with her whatsoever.

With other girls, I can be totally flacid under these same conditions. And I have been recently. I think there is something more to this. I think its beyond anxiety. I think it very well could be sub conscious. You body and mind may be telling you something deeper.

Here is an experiment: unless you are depressed or have health issues, every time you are with a new girl that gives you performance anxiety, walk away completely from that girl. Don't keep trying, dont pursue, just leave her go from there. Then, when you find a girl that gives you no perf anxiety at all, try to keep that one around. MLTR her, as a plate, or a potential LTR. Compare and contrast. I am trying this approach now.

Post: #15

I will admit I have had this problem, especially with girls I'm very keen on.

I solve this by deliberately not caring too much about women and by only trying for the bang on the 3rd/4th date. Oh and not wanking for a couple of days before the 3rd/ 4th date, and building up the escalation gradually.

Not getting it up has been more of an issue for me on one night stands. It seems to be more pressure if there is the opportunity for sex on a now or never basis.

Post: #16

(03-04-2017 11:03 PM)Remington Wrote:  

(03-04-2017 04:07 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  I've never had this problem yet, I'm very healthy and I've been lucky so far, but if it ever arose, there's a quick solution.

Blowjob.

I don't know man. There are some women that give mind blowing head, and others that give lousy "I'd rather slam my dick in a door" head.

Could go either way.

There's no such thing as bad head.

Ok, maybe there is, but it's still better than no-head.

That said, I've never not gotten aroused from head.

Not once.

Results may vary, though.

Post: #17

Take a bit of Cialis. Even if it's placebo effect, it helps.

Post: #18

(03-05-2017 07:45 AM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  

(03-04-2017 11:03 PM)Remington Wrote:  

(03-04-2017 04:07 PM)Spaniard88 Wrote:  I've never had this problem yet, I'm very healthy and I've been lucky so far, but if it ever arose, there's a quick solution.

Blowjob.

I don't know man. There are some women that give mind blowing head, and others that give lousy "I'd rather slam my dick in a door" head.

Could go either way.

There's no such thing as bad head.

Ok, maybe there is, but it's still better than no-head.

I've definitely experienced awful head from a very good number of girls.

Maybe I'm just unlucky, but out of every 10 women I sleep with, 1 or 2 give good to great head. The others use teeth or have no rhythm. Just an unpleasant experience.

Post: #19

(03-04-2017 03:36 AM)Mercenary Wrote:  Thirdly, it may be that the girls you are getting are not pretty enough and/or you are seducing girls that you actually don't like that much. Your dick knows this better than your brain.

Simple way to test this:

Do you get hard when you simply kiss them deeply (before undressing them) ?

If the answer is no, then you need a different girl.

At 18 I could get it up for just about anything with a pussy and a pulse.

At 38 there's no denying it: the hardness of the dick is proportional to the hotness of the bitch.

Post: #20

(03-04-2017 02:43 AM)filio Wrote:  Also what are your experiences with viagra/cialis? Has it helped in situations like this, how much did you take? Or would you say ED medication is the wrong route to go down?

Only one guy here mentioned Cialis, and no one else did, so I'll take a stab at answering your question on medication. There are a number of players I know on this forum who take 1/4 of a pill of Cialis and are set to go, once they start with a girl.

Other guys on this forum with more experience with medications and issues like this, and hopefully they respond to your post.

Post: #21

OP, are you getting hard during foreplay but losing wood when it comes time to have sex?

Post: #22

(03-05-2017 06:07 PM)Jagnum Wrote:  

(03-04-2017 02:43 AM)filio Wrote:  Also what are your experiences with viagra/cialis? Has it helped in situations like this, how much did you take? Or would you say ED medication is the wrong route to go down?

Only one guy here mentioned Cialis, and no one else did, so I'll take a stab at answering your question on medication. There are a number of players I know on this forum who take 1/4 of a pill of Cialis and are set to go, once they start with a girl.

Other guys on this forum with more experience with medications and issues like this, and hopefully they respond to your post.

I've done (and still do) 5mg of Cialis at times. It definitely helps especially the first time you bang a new chick. You don't have to worry about nerves and you fuck like a pornstar; you give her that good first impression and she'll leave wanting more.

It's all performance anxiety OP. You just need to relax (easier said than done). I'm in great shape but I get in my head too much and worry about not performing good and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Post: #23

(03-05-2017 05:58 PM)XPQ22 Wrote:  

(03-04-2017 03:36 AM)Mercenary Wrote:  Thirdly, it may be that the girls you are getting are not pretty enough and/or you are seducing girls that you actually don't like that much. Your dick knows this better than your brain.

Simple way to test this:

Do you get hard when you simply kiss them deeply (before undressing them) ?

If the answer is no, then you need a different girl.

At 18 I could get it up for just about anything with a pussy and a pulse.

At 38 there's no denying it: the hardness of the dick is proportional to the hotness of the bitch.

I am naturally shy person and have run into this from time to time, even with the hottest of women. I take a quarter of a viagra for the first time and it helps ease the mind and let you focus on the task at hand instead of overthinking everything.

Post: #24

Yeah this happened to me once, with the hottest girl I ever pulled at the time. Fap had nothing to do with it, I think it's purely anxiety issues.

Are these new girls pretty attractive? The kind that makes your head go "Dont screw this up"? If so, thats the problem.
Personally I think it just go away with more sexual experience.

Post: #25

All this advice about drugs (Cialis, etc), not jerking off for a while beforehand, blah blah blah, are Band-Aid solutions. They are not at all fixing the problem. Your problem is simple:

Anxiety.

You, like a huge portion of people, get nervous in these situations. You feel so desperate to perform and impress that you cannot be stimulated at all as your mind is so distracted.

There is nothing abnormal about this. I experienced it with my first few ONS with 8+ girls. It happens. As you get more experience, and become more comfortable and less self-conscious, you'll find the problem has simply disappeared. Don't stress over it. Just keep gaming, the problem will fix itself.