Post: #1

I have been chatting up and flirting with this girl that i met through a mutual friend. She's sweet, doesn't act stuck up, and she seems genuine. She's has a very low lay count (2) and she is looking for something serious, not just a quick hook up. The problem with her is that she works every single day. She dropped out of school to work full time. She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but i like her personality, looks wise she's average. Body wise average as well.

We went on 2 dates and on second date i almost fucked her, but she gave me LMR. She kept saying that she's afraid i just want to have sex with her, then leave. I assured her i wouldn't. She kept shit testing me, and i passed them all. I got impatient, i stopped responding to all her snaps (snapchat). And she asked me if everything is ok between us? I said, it's fine. But it wasn't. I was getting impatient. She was acting weird. She wanted something serious, but at the same time she didn't let me progress with her. We barely saw eachother once a week. Last time we met was wednesday last week, and i messaged her monday to ask if she want's to hang out soon? She said, yeah of course. I said im going to take her out somewhere nice, but i wouldn't tell her where. She was very excited. "I can't wait". The next day i messaged her confirming a date, she was like "oh i don't know im so busy." I suggested another date and she said "Maybe." I thought alright... fuck that. I stopped responding to her texts for 2 days. She messaged me saying "im really sorry im just so busy, i really do want to see you again, seriously".

There's a saying about "if you want to see someone, you will find the time to see that someone, no matter what." So im starting to think that she's just making up excuses. I don't think she's lying, but can't she take out 2 hours of her day to be with me? That sounds weak to me. She's free every weekend, so it doesn't make sense (and sometimes one or two weekday). She called me to say that she can't see me for another week, until thursday. I just said "okay no problem, see you then". and hung up.

Should i freeze her out for a few days and see if she's willing to find time for me? Or should i just stop gaming her. The thing is, she's the only option at the moment, since im not currently spinning other plates. She seemed genuinly interested, at least in the beginning, now she seems a little distant. Maybe she lost interest?

She saw my snapchat story where i was at the club with 2 cute girls and messaged me saying "wow are you already over me? did you find a new girl already.". What is she trying to do? Is she trying to have me as a backup or something? She was worried about those girls, and got jealous. When i assured her they're just friends she got happy again and said "good! <3 <3"

Post: #2

You are trying to make a LTR out of her or what? If not, just find a new one. She will chase you, if she really wants you and then you can reconsider, if you want to spend any more time on her..

(03-22-2018 04:26 PM)chvrches Wrote:  She saw my snapchat story where i was at the club with 2 cute girls and messaged me saying "wow are you already over me? did you find a new girl already.". What is she trying to do? Is she trying to have me as a backup or something? She was worried about those girls, and got jealous. When i assured her they're just friends she got happy again and said "good! <3 <3"

She wanted to make sure that she is still stuck in your mind. You got leverage, but you wasted it with this weak reply.

Post: #3

(03-22-2018 04:43 PM)Dkby Wrote:  You are trying to make a LTR out of her or what? If not, just find a new one. She will chase you, if she really wants you and then you can reconsider, if you want to spend any more time on her..

She wanted to make sure that she is still stuck in your mind. You got leverage, but you wasted it with this weak reply.

I could see her as a potential LTR yes, but she isn't making it easy. And if she's busy now, she will always be. Her "busy" schedule would fuck up any relationship imo.

Also you're so right about that. I fucked up saying they're just friends. They weren't actually. What do you think i should have replied? For a next time.

Post: #4

There is a reason they call female logic "the hamster wheel." There is no logic behind their game, and they basically just say whatever they're "feeling" at any given time. For all you know, she could be doing Bumble dates every night, Bible study, or Jiu Jitsu. It's not worth thinking about.

That said, from what I'm reading, it seems like she was into you and you're stealing defeat from the jaws of victory. Your neediness is showing, and your moody behavior doesn't make her want to hang out with you more -- it makes her want to hang out with you less. If every time she says "no" or cancels you throw a tantrum, she's just going to stop the interaction.

The key with females is to keep all your interactions light and fun. If she cancels "ok no worries." It's not worth calling out her bad behavior, or telling her anything. You choose how much of a time and emotional investment you want to put into a relationship. She'll either make you a priority or she won't. Do not tell her what you're doing or act upset, there is no point to that.

In the interim, you need to shift your focus. Sign up for Crossfit, start a business or something. You're spending way too much time thinking about her.

Regarding what I would do in this specific situation is just be direct. "good stuff. glad things are busy, let me know a few times you're around to hang out and i'll see if i can make it work."

If she gives you a bunch of excuses but no solid dates or times, I'd stop making the effort. Right now you're letting her control the entire frame.

Post: #5

(03-22-2018 04:57 PM)chvrches Wrote:  

(03-22-2018 04:43 PM)Dkby Wrote:  You are trying to make a LTR out of her or what? If not, just find a new one. She will chase you, if she really wants you and then you can reconsider, if you want to spend any more time on her..

She wanted to make sure that she is still stuck in your mind. You got leverage, but you wasted it with this weak reply.

I could see her as a potential LTR yes, but she isn't making it easy. And if she's busy now, she will always be. Her "busy" schedule would fuck up any relationship imo.

Also you're so right about that. I fucked up saying they're just friends. They weren't actually. What do you think i should have replied? For a next time.

A few ways to respond...

- Just completely ignore the comment and change the subject. "ha, lets hang on tuesday." Anything that just completely dodges the comment.
- Agree and amplify. "dont worry, she is just my saturday girlfriend filling in for my friday girlfriend. i forget her name, though." (I am sort of over agree and amplify).
- I don't usually respond with emojis, but is always good. That's one of the very few instances where I might send an ambiguous or non-sequiter emoji. See, e.g., , , etc. She'll have no idea how to respond, and then just change the subject.

Post: #6

Seems to me she likes you, but she's wasting your time.
Probably she friendzoned you or keeps you as a backup. Or she doesn't know what she wants. You might never find out.
Either way her behaviour is not a good sign.
Since you haven't other girls lined up, you can still give it another try with her.
But that nonsense should stop. If she doesn't stop playing, next her.

Post: #7

Quote:We went on 2 dates and on second date i almost fucked her, but she gave me LMR. She kept saying that she's afraid i just want to have sex with her, then leave. I assured her i wouldn't. She kept shit testing me, and i passed them all.

Logical explanations do not work with woman when it comes to sex. Connect with her at an emotional level and Use her emotions to move forward.

Quote:She wanted something serious, but at the same time she didn't let me progress with her.

It is possible that she probably did not want her friend to know she is easy? You should have pushed for a face to face instead of spending time answering questions on snap chat. Responding to questions on snap chat is too logical.

Quote:Last time we met was wednesday last week, and i messaged her monday to ask if she want's to hang out soon? She said, yeah of course. I said im going to take her out somewhere nice, but i wouldn't tell her where.

This is something you do for a girl that you have slept with atleast a few times. Why would you reward a girl that is not complying to you with something special. It conveys neediness and lack of options.

Quote:The next day i messaged her confirming a date, she was like "oh i don't know im so busy." I suggested another date and she said "Maybe." I thought alright... fuck that. I stopped responding to her texts for 2 days. She messaged me saying "im really sorry im just so busy, i really do want to see you again, seriously".

Quote:There's a saying about "if you want to see someone, you will find the time to see that someone, no matter what." So im starting to think that she's just making up excuses. I don't think she's lying, but can't she take out 2 hours of her day to be with me? That sounds weak to me. She's free every weekend, so it doesn't make sense (and sometimes one or two weekday). She called me to say that she can't see me for another week, until thursday.

She could see you were needy and not a challenge. Her attraction levels had dropped. probably there was another guy that she was interested in but wanted to keep you as a friend.

Quote:Should i freeze her out for a few days and see if she's willing to find time for me? Or should i just stop gaming her. The thing is, she's the only option at the moment, since im not currently spinning other plates. She seemed genuinly interested, at least in the beginning, now she seems a little distant. Maybe she lost interest?

Looks like the snap chat photos have rekindled her interest. Sometimes when a guy stops Pursuing it increases the woman’s attraction level. She was probably wondering if she was wrong about you. This would be my suggestion do not message for a day and see if she is willing to pursue you. If she does then tell her that you have been busy and if she wants you can meet up for a drink. meet at a place close to your house and later bring her over. Make the whole plan sound casual and use her emotions to move forward do not go into any logical explanations as they will not work with woman.

Also Meet and interact with other girls and do not make her as the only option.

Post: #8

First litmus test if you think a girl may be too busy for you, and not worth your time:
1. Just stop contacting her completely for a week. If she doesn't attempt to get in touch with you at all, then for me it means you were putting 100% of the effort into the interactions, and she has no real interest in you, despite previous words or actions. Everyone takes a shit at least once per day, that's 7 shits in a week where she can shoot off a 10 second text to you, even if she's busy every other moment (which she won't be).
This^ is actually something I use very often with Tinder girls. If I've tried unsuccessfully to set up a date twice, after that I just delete their number and if I never hear from them again, I can be reasonably confident they were just using me for attention/validation/or she lost interest.

As other posters said, some of your responses to her are too "logic" oriented and playing into her frame. When she says you only want to use her for sex, it doesn't matter if that's your intention or not, you shouldn't respond logically or seriously. I can almost guarantee you when she's ovulating and hasn't been laid in 3 months, she doesn't give a fuck if you're "just using her for sex." She wants to get fucked in that moment, even if you catch her on another day where she repeats that statement to you. It's all conditional baby.

Also like others said, your response about your club photos was really weak. She's been giving you the run around, and now that you gained a little hand with photos of other girls, you played it straight as an arrow and deflated all the tension created from giving her competition anxiety. You could have leveraged this situation in your favor with any number of game approved responses, ANYTHING but a straight, boring, answer explaining they were just friends. Better responses to her slight jealousy off the top of my head:
1. Agree and Amplify- "Yeah, they approached me for a 3some, what can I say?"

2. Silly- "They were wives number 1 and 2, we were discussing making you #3."

3. Non-Sequitur- "Do you like broccoli? I never could get into it."

4.Re-frame- "Wow, I don't know if I can hang with such a jealous woman."

5. Evade- "What, you think I'm attracted to my sisters?"

Post: #9

There's many ways to approach these situations.

My favorite way is to actually be busy. Have a life outside of girls.

If you are pursuing self-development in a healthy manner, this comes naturally.

It's not uncommon for girls to hit me up instead. I typically hit her up initially (taking the lead) & she'll be busy for a while (legitimately or not I don't care). Then I go ghost if I feel this "busy" stuff is dragging out.

She'll sense I'm willing to walk away & hit me up later. Now you have a favorable position in the interaction.

Post: #10

There's a saying about "if you want to see someone, you will find the time to see that someone, no matter what."

Not necessarily true. You can really be into someone, but if they come on too strong you get a weird vibe and then back away. Calibration matters.

This is what I think PUA books like "The Game" get wrong. They stress escalation to an unnatural degree. Often times it doesn't work. When you keep pushing it smacks of desperation, control issues, or worse. Women might not think this consciously, but it registers in the negative.

Here are two examples from my life:

1). The best I ever did with women was in college. It was because I had a g/f at another campus. So I didn't care whether anything worked out because these were flings. I had an attitude like "If it happens, it happens."

Sometimes I would be hanging with a girl and purposely get on her nerves, playing annoying music or just being my funny-but-disrespectful self. What did I care? Well, it ended up that my attitude attracted all sort of women. Not giving a f*ck is attractive. Who knew?

2). One of the (many) women I attracted was one of the most sought-after girls on campus. We'll call her Laura. She was gorgeous and had been a child actress. Why did she stop acting? Because her breasts (Jewboobs!) developed into massive gazangas by age 14, and she was only getting cast as hookers and such. LOL!

I was her editor at the college newspaper, and showed her zero interest and respect, teasing her constantly about her once starring in "Annie." When me and that g/f broke up, I got to date Laura. This was such an event that guys actually called my dorm room asking how I pulled this off, since she "never dated guys on campus."

Well, it turned out me and Laura went south really quickly. Why? Because Laura called me non-stop and wanted to be with me every minute. She had an expensive car (I think it was a 280-Z), lots of money from acting, and those...boobs. This should have been my dream woman.

And yet she bugged the hell out of me. I needed space. So I dumped her. This now seems petty and I'm certain I made the wrong move looking back. But back then I was young and needed to do my thing.

The same thing might apply to your girl in this case. Try caring and pushing a little bit less and you might do better.

If you've ever played with magnets and paper clips, you'll know that to make the clips attach to the magnet, you have to move in slowly to attract them. Push too soon or too hard and the clips all fly in the other direction. People are the same way.

Post: #11

Why over complicate things... she's clearly down

If you want her to meet up faster just snap her a few more pictures of you at the club with hotties and say "would rather be with you"

Post: #12

Do not contact her.

If she contacts you, only reply with "when you free?" thats all you say, and she will get the hint and set up to see you.

Post: #13

Delete snapchat.

Post: #14

Seems like friendzoning 101 here. I agree re: don't contact her. If she reaches out, then reply direct with what you want. No more small talk.

Post: #15

I took you guys' advice, and i stopped contacting her, and i stopped responding to all her messages, and i stopped pushing and started caring less. Actually kept my self busy in the past few days and nearly forgot about her. 3 days later she messages me saying "Are you still alive?" I replied with a simple "Yes" the next day.

Then she messaged me "is everything alright between us? you haven't been texting me lately" i said "i am very busy with school work etc", she said "alright".

Today she messaged me saying that she really cares about me and that she misses me, and that she promises she will find time for "us" this week.

This is so funny, because caring less about her made her realize i might just drop her any time. That emotional message had me confused. Im currently doing what RatInTheWoods suggested. If she wants to small talk and chat, i will just ask her straight up to setup a date. Thanks for all the replies, i will be updating you soon.

Post: #16

Hope it goes well. Don't get your hopes up, stay busy as advised above, and keep fishing for other trout.

It still smells like she's just enjoying your attention. For all you know, she has a dozen orbiters that give her dopamine hits through the smartphone.
And your most recent text replies were still logical answers to her questions, rather than silly/evasive etc as KeepMovingForward suggested above. And, in this situation, I second RatInTheWoods, that's pretty much my standard reply when I'm grinding daygame and getting the usual load of flakes etc etc. I don't keep records, but I'd say it works 2/10 times with girls I've met up and made out with, who then go unavailable, which suits me considering that it takes no time and energy, and I probably was never going to bang them anyway.

Post: #17

(03-26-2018 08:21 AM)chvrches Wrote:  I took you guys' advice, and i stopped contacting her, and i stopped responding to all her messages, and i stopped pushing and started caring less. Actually kept my self busy in the past few days and nearly forgot about her. 3 days later she messages me saying "Are you still alive?" I replied with a simple "Yes" the next day.

Then she messaged me "is everything alright between us? you haven't been texting me lately" i said "i am very busy with school work etc", she said "alright".

Today she messaged me saying that she really cares about me and that she misses me, and that she promises she will find time for "us" this week.

This is so funny, because caring less about her made her realize i might just drop her any time. That emotional message had me confused. Im currently doing what RatInTheWoods suggested. If she wants to small talk and chat, i will just ask her straight up to setup a date. Thanks for all the replies, i will be updating you soon.

Yup, bingo