Post: #1

Hi all,

Would be good to get your opinions on something that's starting to grate at work.

Work on a team of 6 people in the office. One chap (John) in his late forties who I generally get on fine with has a habit of making digs from time to time.

I wondering whether to confront him about his latest episode. To give a bit of back story, there's a girl (Sarah) on the team who in the last few weeks has started making it pretty clear she fancies me. John sent a text message the other week telling me that she admitted to liking me for a while now and now I'm divorced seems to be making her feelings more open. I'm not interested as we know how work place flings aren't a clever idea at the best of times, and this girl is particularly loud and sits a few metres away from me - not someone I'd want to get on the wrong side of as she also gets on well with management.

Anyway, last week Sarah joked that I'd be the pretty one in the relationship lol, to which the chap in his forties said yeah you would under his breath.

Wind on to today. Just as I was leaving the office she joked saying about meeting up tonight whilst laughing. The bloke suddenly butted in and said 'to be honest you could do a lot better than him, you really could' in a serious- I said 'you're just jealous John' and I left the office, feeling pretty annoyed tbh. I'm not good at comebacks when people make comments like this, I lose my cool and start going dizzy so generally say nothing to avoid making something into a bigger situation.

All sounds a bit childish and probably is. I;m not interested in Sarah, but the comment has pissed me off a bit... more of an ego thing. I'm trying to laugh it off and putting it down as John being jealous .He's out of shape and just last week mentioned to me when we saw some nice looking women on the campus how he feels a bit sad knowing he's getting older and women like that are out of his league.

I'm torn in two on whether to mention it to him tomorrow morning when only me and him are around or whether to just laugh it off as a washed up jealous chap being a prick to make himself feel better. People on row of desks behind heard it, if it was just amongst the 3 of us it wouldn't annoy me so much.

CHeers,

Post: #2

Why are you annoyed? He just showed up to everyone what a loser he is. I would burst laughing if I saw a similar scene, even as a bystander.

Post: #3

Yeah you could be right.

I can be sensitive to other people's comments at times, maybe need to see this stuff as their issue rather than take it personally.

Part of me thinks it should be laughed off and not make an issue, another part of me wants to put him in his place.

Post: #4

Fuck this loser, don't even bother with comebacks unless he becomes aggressive/insulting. Also, don't shit where you eat, but you already know that.

Being a wage slave sucks because we have to deal with all kinds of people including assholes and losers we wouldn't even sit next to in public transport if we had a choice. The way i deal with it is limit my interactions with them to the bare minimum. I don't make any friends in the office this way but at least I don't have to socialize with people I don't like.

Ultimately, the only solution to this problem is to stop being a wage slave.

Post: #5

Be as boring as possible at work from the moment you arrive to the moment you walk out the door. Have zero romantic relationships, tell no one whatsover anything meaningful about your personal life, try to have as few friends as possible. Use noise cancelling headphones and keep your door shut as much as you can get away with it. Minimize/avoid all interpersonal contact, telework to the maximum extent possible. Be there solely to make money and do the absolute bare minimum to get the best performance evaluation possible. Find the meaning to your life OUTSIDE OF WORK....NOT at work.

Post: #6

I always make a point of saying every so often that I would never do an office romance - its good to let everyone know that you are completely unavailable.

Post: #7

Without even looking at your flag I knew this was in the UK. Most of the men there are thirsty as fuck. It's annoying.

I know a handsome (no-homo) young musician dude that gets with utter dregs because he's just got no other choices. The lower SMV guys are really screwed.

Post: #8

If you give a shit what idiots next to you at work think you haven't made it in life.

Make it in life.

Why do you even give a fuck is the question you should be asking.

Post: #9

Can one of us bang Sarah for you? It might help.

But seriously, throw that annoyance shit away! The more attention you give to losers, the more it makes you look bad.

Best advice, be "friendly," but not "friends" with this guy. Don't let him rope you into his personal drama. Avoid personal relationships with losers. They eventually pull you down to their level or fuck up your reputation especially in a place like work, where your reputation is highly relevant.

Post: #10

Cheers guys. Funny enough he mentioned earlier that Sarah is coming on stronger to me recently, I just laughed and said yeah but she's can do better than me can't she in a friendly manner, he just laughed in a weird high pitch way and said he was only joking and slapped my knee.

it does hammer a home a constant weak point throughout my life and thsts over sensitivity at times and not always being able to determine if someone is joking or not.

I then tend to stew on something for days, which I know is stupid as it only harms me.

I didn't sleep well last night which can make things seem worst than they are.

Part of me feels he shown me up in front others and I shouldn't let him get away with it - a pride/ego thing.

Do you guys have any recommendations for building a thicker skin to deal with this sort of crap. I think it would make a big difference to my quality of life if I could improve on this.

Post: #11

You need to reframe what he said in your own mind and not take it as him showing you up.

If this girl is into you, some idiot loser running his mouth isn't showing you up. These are the types of comments that aren't even worth responding to. You should have laughed in that guys face for being a grumbling beta and had that be the end of it. No comment needed.

It sounds like you don't hang around with real men enough to develop your skills dealing with this kind of thing.

Post: #12

If you want to build a ‘thicker skin’ then you have to put yourself out there more. Actively seek these situations, trying to have more control over your reactions.

For example...

I take fitness classes. When I started out in this game, some of the comments from the participants used to throw the shit out of me. I would be seething. Fitness classes are a tough crowd. Over time though, i realised that my reaction was causing the most pain and not the actual comments themselves.

Over the years I learned to block it out all the while processing the information right in front of me ie where the actual words are coming from. In my case it was usually some fat hefer or post wall chick. How could I be fazed by their words.

Sounds similar to the situation you’re in. Some office cuck desperately trying to play the big man.

Post: #13

(10-04-2018 04:49 PM)B80 Wrote:  Do you guys have any recommendations for building a thicker skin to deal with this sort of crap. I think it would make a big difference to my quality of life if I could improve on this.

Go travelling somewhere by yourself for 6 months like south east asia somewhere. You'll mature as a person and give less of a fuck about others and more about yourself. People can give plenty of book recommendations but nothing beats throwing yourself somewhere. Travel will mature you.

Post: #14

Lock him in your trunk and go enter a demolition derby. Sort of the Deadpool approach.

Post: #15

Lucky for you I found a youtube video guide on office fraternization.

Post: #16

Well, good news is I'm at a point with my business where I'm almost ready to jack in corporate life. I expect by end of quarter 1 I'll be resigning.

Over the past 3 years I've been working on it non stop outside of my day job. Having safety blanket of a job has been useful, but im looking forward to the autonomy of choosing my own hours (so will be able to spend more time with my daughter) And will have breathing space to develop myself as a person too. I foresee the quality of my life increasing massively as I love the work involved for the business and will only have to spend time with people I want to.

One important thing I didn't mention about the annoying chap is that he holds information about me from outside work that could get me fired, although not illegal. He is party to it as well though. Its a lesson in life not to mix things up between yourself and people at work as things/people can change over time. Puts them in a position of having some kind of power over you.