Post: #26

(12-15-2017 12:48 AM)the-dream Wrote:  Reading this thread makes me so thankful that I'm self employed!

The OP, being one of the college educated corporate drone job worshiping masses, is clinging on to the fear that his education was meant to instill. This isn't a slight or insult, it's just a so called red pill reality.

How do I know this?

(12-13-2017 08:07 PM)Agastya Wrote:  I'm in high school again

sits right next to me

have to deal with him all day.

better with dealing

In college it was easy

In a corporate setting things are different.

joining a new team

I'm worried

first job out of college and quitting isn't really an option for me at the moment.

So many young men are taking jobs in the bs corporate world - and at the age of 20 something don't see another path.

It was the "sit next to" line that got me.

I too am self employed. Sometimes I work in a tough environment - but I get to choose where I sit.

Being a corporate drone isn't really an option for me.

Post: #27

(12-15-2017 10:55 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  

(12-15-2017 12:48 AM)the-dream Wrote:  Reading this thread makes me so thankful that I'm self employed!

The OP, being one of the college educated corporate drone job worshiping masses, is clinging on to the fear that his education was meant to instill. This isn't a slight or insult, it's just a so called red pill reality.

How do I know this?

(12-13-2017 08:07 PM)Agastya Wrote:  I'm in high school again

sits right next to me

have to deal with him all day.

better with dealing

In college it was easy

In a corporate setting things are different.

joining a new team

I'm worried

first job out of college and quitting isn't really an option for me at the moment.

So many young men are taking jobs in the bs corporate world - and at the age of 20 something don't see another path.

It was the "sit next to" line that got me.

I too am self employed. Sometimes I work in a tough environment - but I get to choose where I sit.

Being a corporate drone isn't really an option for me.

The "sit next to" line stood out to you? I thought it was strange that he has to time his shits.

Post: #28

(12-13-2017 09:19 PM)Pancho Wrote:  I had a similar situation a while back.

This one time I took 30 minutes taking a shit at work (its my fault, I shouldn't take more than 10 minutes, but still).

The real question here is... You once took 30 minutes to take a shit?

Post: #29

Irritable Bowel Syndrome is for real, Gents.

Post: #30

(12-14-2017 10:33 AM)Dulceácido Wrote:  You should have, right in front of everyone, calmly and confidently, asked, "What, exactly, would I have been fired for? This puts his bitch-ass in check and forces his passive aggressive BS out onto the table for everyone to hear. Everyone will immediately know he got busted gossiping like a little bitch. Normally, when you do this they back down and say something like, "Oh, I was just joking." Then you say, "No. You weren't joking. You were talking about me to a co-worker behind my back and I heard, so tell me what I would have been fired for." Now he's embarrassed, everyone in the office is embarrassed for him. And he has two options, he can apologize or escalate. If he apologizes, end of story. If he escalates, you just stay perfectly calm and continue to debate him about his shit-talking, because he doesn't have a leg to stand on and the longer this conversation goes the more embarrassing for him it will become. If he continues to escalate, he's the one getting reported to HR, and then you if you still want to beat his ass, do it after work... and wear a ski mask.

One of the greatest skills a man can learn is to flip the switch from casual to confrontational in the blink of an eye.

This kind of thing becomes so much harder to deal with if it's not addressed instantly.

Men should never be polite in the face of impropriety merely to avoid making a scene. On a macro-scale our failure to immediately address fuckery for the sake of being polite is what leads us to the shambling catastrophe our civilisation has become.

p.s. Standing up to male bitches in the workplace like you don't give a fuck will instantly establish you at the top of the pecking order among virtually every female colleague. They will actually begin to defend you in your absence and work to drive out the beta you've embarrassed.

Post: #31

(12-13-2017 08:07 PM)Agastya Wrote:  Any advice would be appreciated, as I probably will be in close proximity with this guy for the next couple of months. This is my first job out of college and quitting isn't really an option for me at the moment.

Confront him respectfully but, do so with a second person. Be firm. Do not threaten.

1. Your behavior is unacceptable
2. It will not be tolerated
3. If it happens again, this will be taken up with HR /period

Finally, document time/dates of this fuck-wit. Clown shoes will likely have fucked with a series of people. Be professional. Do not show anger or make threats.

Post: #32

(12-15-2017 10:55 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  Being a corporate drone isn't really an option for me.

I prefer women with an actual head. Are you Dexter? I hope this wasn't admission of guilt lol

Post: #33

(12-16-2017 02:16 AM)meetjoeblack Wrote:  

(12-15-2017 10:55 AM)Off The Reservation Wrote:  Being a corporate drone isn't really an option for me.

I prefer women with an actual head. Are you Dexter? I hope this wasn't admission of guilt lol

Their heads were quite busy in this photo

Post: #34

(12-13-2017 08:07 PM)Agastya Wrote:  At my work, there's this guy who just acts like an ass clown. He'll just pettily fuck with me like I'm in high school again, it just gives me a shitty vibe and messes up my day. Unfortunately he sits right next to me and I have to deal with him all day.

I've gotten better with dealing with assholes over the years and can usually put them in their place. In college it was easy to cut ties with people, worst came to worst I would just call them out or fight them. I did this on a number of occasions between ages 18 and 22. In a corporate setting things are different. We're both joining a new team and I'm worried this guy is going to throw me under the bus or troll me.

Any advice would be appreciated, as I probably will be in close proximity with this guy for the next couple of months. This is my first job out of college and quitting isn't really an option for me at the moment.

I can't really contribute since I'm self employed for a decade soon, but I'd add that this what a major reason for quitting the corporate life. There are annoying twats like this in every office who deliberately give people shit, exactly because they know there are no real word consequences.

Post: #35

(12-13-2017 08:07 PM)Agastya Wrote:  At my work, there's this guy who just acts like an ass clown. He'll just pettily fuck with me like I'm in high school again, it just gives me a shitty vibe and messes up my day. Unfortunately he sits right next to me and I have to deal with him all day.

I've gotten better with dealing with assholes over the years and can usually put them in their place. In college it was easy to cut ties with people, worst came to worst I would just call them out or fight them. I did this on a number of occasions between ages 18 and 22. In a corporate setting things are different. We're both joining a new team and I'm worried this guy is going to throw me under the bus or troll me.

Any advice would be appreciated, as I probably will be in close proximity with this guy for the next couple of months. This is my first job out of college and quitting isn't really an option for me at the moment.

I have been in similar situations, so I can relate.

Here is what you need to do:

1. keep notes (written records, with time, date, venue) of the times this guy is pulling this shit on you.
2. after a couple of weeks or when you feel appropriate, make an appointment with your boss and say that you need to talk to him (don't just drop by)
3. when you meet, explain to your boss how this guy's behavior is affecting your work and creating a hostile work environment for you. Request him to talk to him so that this stops immediately.
4. if the boss ignores it, give him one more week. then just take this straight to HR (bring your notes). But chances are that once the boss talks to him, he'll straighten up.

In corporate environments, the best way to deal with such bullies is to take action right away. Don't be nice, as he'll just up his antics.

HR policy is usually a warning for a first offense. But if the behavior has occurred more than once, they'll tell him to either stop or he's gone.

Post: #36

Do what Beyond Borders suggested.

That's the only professional way to handle it.

Post: #37

I'm conflicted about the advice to give. I personally think being a tattle tale is being low.

What I would do may not be the best advice, I'd call him out for his behavior while maintaining frame, similar to what broken borders suggested

But the more powerful (though in my eyes dishonorable) move is to just go to HR. This is because after that he can't fight back, he can't complain to HR about whatever your retaliation is.

An Ex girlfriend once called me and asked what she should do about her neighbor playing loud music at night (not being from United States she actually didn't know). I wanted to tell her to just go talk to her neighbor, but instead suggested she just call the police, because if she first knocked on her neighbors door then after called the police she could be retaliated against because they would know it's her who called. The most effective option isn't always the most honorable one.

Do what you want, just don't put up with it.

Post: #38

update?

Post: #39

I dealt with it earlier last week. Things are still a little awkward between me and my coworker, but he's been making an effort to be more polite and helpful at the office. I've generally been ignoring him and don't trust him as much as I used to, but I appreciate the gestures.

There was another guy today who was being kind of passive-aggressive, but he seems like more a beta than a wannabe bully. I was a little annoyed but I mostly let it roll off my shoulder.

It's pretty crazy how many times I've had to do this in the last couple years. I probably called someone out once a month for being a dick to me, it does settle the matter and force them to respect me, but I definitely need to be less open with random people -- a lot of people will mistake openness/kindness as a reason to fuck with you.

This was definitely good motivation to start learning about self employment, however. At the very least it taught me to act more professional/closed off to avoid situations like this in the first place. Personally I'd love to work in an environment where I can just get my shit done and not have to interact with people.

Post: #40

(12-19-2017 07:02 PM)Agastya Wrote:  but I definitely need to be less open with random people -- a lot of people will mistake openness/kindness as a reason to fuck with you.

The thing about this, is that it's a good filter for people in your life (this includes women). If people are going to punish you for being open/kind and honest, they need to be cut off right away. While this might not be the best strategy for a one night stand , for anyone you're trying to keep around you for any extended period of time, it's absolutely imperative that they pass this test. Putting up a false front is a miserable way to go through life.

In all honesty, in the office/work setting, the types of people that do this are usually weak people, either physically, mentally, or spiritually. In the office environment, they have some power, and somewhat shielded from consequences, so they abuse the situation. If you seem happy and content with your own life, they will absolutely try to drag you down.

Post: #41

Confront them immediately. I don't even take shit from bosses. Going to work everyday to be the town bitch wouldn't be worth 6 figures to me, I make mid 5 figures but money can't buy self-respect.

Post: #42

(12-19-2017 07:02 PM)Agastya Wrote:  This was definitely good motivation to start learning about self employment, however. At the very least it taught me to act more professional/closed off to avoid situations like this in the first place. Personally I'd love to work in an environment where I can just get my shit done and not have to interact with people.

Amen. Just throw some headphones on, ignore everyone (that you can), and brainstorm/plot your move to self-employment. Or go blue collar, that's always an option. I really like the uniformity of responses of everyone on here that are either self-employed already or plan to be. This is just a sign of how more and more men are pursuing this route. Unfortunately what that means is that those who choose to stay in conventional employment and IV the koolaid tend to be passive-aggressive, backstabbing, blackmailing, highly conformist individuals. Tread carefully.

Post: #43

In favor of self employment, it doesn't have to be "me against the world". You can do all kinds of co-working and business arrangement. Sort of like ad-hoc work groups. If you're a designer, make friends with a coder, if you're a coder make friends with an seo guy, if you're an seo guy, make friends with a paid search specialist. Create a product with someone else, run a website as a co-op. I really like this mix of self employment and ad-hoc partnerships. It's a very rewarding way to work in all aspects.

Post: #44

(12-20-2017 01:49 PM)kamoz Wrote:  

(12-19-2017 07:02 PM)Agastya Wrote:  This was definitely good motivation to start learning about self employment, however. At the very least it taught me to act more professional/closed off to avoid situations like this in the first place. Personally I'd love to work in an environment where I can just get my shit done and not have to interact with people.

Amen. Just throw some headphones on, ignore everyone (that you can), and brainstorm/plot your move to self-employment. Or go blue collar, that's always an option. I really like the uniformity of responses of everyone on here that are either self-employed already or plan to be. This is just a sign of how more and more men are pursuing this route. Unfortunately what that means is that those who choose to stay in conventional employment and IV the koolaid tend to be passive-aggressive, backstabbing, blackmailing, highly conformist individuals. Tread carefully.

Blue collar is extremely legitimate if you're talking high skilled. Anyone thinking about a blue collar life should think about getting some serious training, and be prepared to work hard. On the other hand, low skill blue collar has a vast amount of nonsense in my experience.

Post: #45

Didnt read the whole thread but sometimes people get offended when people are just having fun, just make sure thats not the case. If not, sounds like a pretty toxic company, I wouldnt want to work at a place where I didnt have a few friends that put me before the company itself.

Post: #46

(12-20-2017 04:59 PM)oilbreh Wrote:  Didnt read the whole thread but sometimes people get offended when people are just having fun, just make sure thats not the case. If not, sounds like a pretty toxic company, I wouldnt want to work at a place where I didnt have a few friends that put me before the company itself.

There is some truth to this. For what it's worth, I've definitely been guilty of taking people serious before when they were just playing around. I'm not sure if this is what was going on with OP - I kind of just took him at his word that it was not goodnatured teasing. Either way something to take into consideration.

There's a dynamic between men that a lot of people miss growing up, especially in a culture where boys don't operate in groups the way they used to. Men constantly test each and show/build affection through ribbing - any guy who has run with a crew for a while or especially been in the military or plays sports can likely recall the ongoing nature of this even if they didn't consciously register what it was all about at the time.

In fact, I was reading somewhere recently about how letting other men tease you is common even for alpha males in a group, to the extreme of the alpha subconsciously expressing submissive tendencies to boost his buddy up in front of others. It seems obvious when you think back on leaders you've been around in your life. Only the biggest power trippers never let their guard down, and the lack of social awareness probably amounts to them not being the greatest leaders in the end.

I wish I could remember where I was reading about this because it's pretty fascinating - I think it's a part of male interaction that we don't talk about in this space enough, probably because in some ways we've lost touch with how male groups function. Or maybe it is being discussed at length and I just missed it.

I think it's usually obvious when someone is making fun of you that shouldn't be, but in the past I've definitely gotten this wrong and unnecessarily gotten aggressive with men who were close to me, or who were trying to become better pals, because I thought they were challenging me or trying to punk me...when they were really just showing their brofection. Not sure how I let this dynamic slip by me growing up with brothers and running around with groups of guys a lot, but somehow on a certain level it did.

I've acknowledged the sticking point and gotten better about it in recent years, though.

Again, may not be relevant to the OP but an interesting topic.

Beyond All Seas

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling

Post: #47

There's being an oversensitive little bitch, and then there's noticing when someone is blatantly projecting their negativity onto you. This guy went from being fairly cool to giving me shit for being in a school shooting and generally harassing me. It's clear he had some negative events going on in his life. There's a noticeable difference between friendly shit talking and aggressively trying to fuck with someone.

I talk shit with my best buddies all the time, but we've known each other for years and have been through a lot together. It's different from getting shit talked by completely random people who you're forced to share a space with.

Post: #48

First, seed some counter-politics - gradually open up to some colleagues with "hey is it me or does Rick always seem like kind of a jerk?" Chances are someone else doesn't like him so you can corral a group of sympathetics. (If you're the only one he does this too that's another thing, you can't expect sympathy from coworkers for something they don't also experience.)

Second, cultivate political favor with the boss-man directly. Make sure the boss knows wtf you are working on, why it's valuable, and what your distinctive talents are. If this dude is fucking with you in the open he's probably trashing you behind your back; always get ahead of his frame so the boss is like "Agastya is kicking ass, what is this guy up his jock about?" Once the boss has your trust you can counter-politic him directly, "I'm not sure what Rick is trying to accomplish, but he's been a distraction for me lately."

If the boss isn't receptive to your value, you aren't appreciated, and you should starting looking for a new job. Without a supportive boss you're vulnerable to negative politics, and thus it's only a matter of time before someone or something becomes a pretext to push you out.

Post: #49

(12-15-2017 10:13 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  One of the greatest skills a man can learn is to flip the switch from casual to confrontational in the blink of an eye.

This kind of thing becomes so much harder to deal with if it's not addressed instantly.

I agree 110% for the later but the former?
I feel like it is too easy for me to flip the switch ... I'm generally in leadership positions so maybe its a different thing...I have to fight to be less confrontational but I guess OP is on the opposite side of the fence.

Post: #50

(12-20-2017 02:59 PM)Laska Wrote:  

(12-20-2017 01:49 PM)kamoz Wrote:  

(12-19-2017 07:02 PM)Agastya Wrote:  This was definitely good motivation to start learning about self employment, however. At the very least it taught me to act more professional/closed off to avoid situations like this in the first place. Personally I'd love to work in an environment where I can just get my shit done and not have to interact with people.

Amen. Just throw some headphones on, ignore everyone (that you can), and brainstorm/plot your move to self-employment. Or go blue collar, that's always an option. I really like the uniformity of responses of everyone on here that are either self-employed already or plan to be. This is just a sign of how more and more men are pursuing this route. Unfortunately what that means is that those who choose to stay in conventional employment and IV the koolaid tend to be passive-aggressive, backstabbing, blackmailing, highly conformist individuals. Tread carefully.

Blue collar is extremely legitimate if you're talking high skilled. Anyone thinking about a blue collar life should think about getting some serious training, and be prepared to work hard. On the other hand, low skill blue collar has a vast amount of nonsense in my experience.

If you are going to be a laborer, going around jobsites cleaning up trash or doing whatever the General Contractor tells you to do, you better have a tough skin and be willing to let insults slide off of your back. A construction site is one of the last true manly, non-pc, realms in the world.

Age, gender, race, disabiltiy, upbringing, all of it is fair game. Oh, and don't be a fag! lol