Post: #51

Kona Wrote:Where are you located?

Greater Boston area.

Post: #52

(10-22-2016 08:35 PM)Chowder Head Wrote:  Rex, what do you look like?

6'1", 260, 26% BF. I would say somewhat "builtfat" is the best description - I'd like to lose about 35lbs. Hair thinning a bit in the front.

Post: #53

(10-23-2016 11:19 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

(10-22-2016 08:35 PM)Chowder Head Wrote:  Rex, what do you look like?

6'1", 260, 26% BF. I would say somewhat "builtfat" is the best description - I'd like to lose about 35lbs. Hair thinning a bit in the front.

Rex your height is the envy of most guys in the forums so use that to your advantage. Lose a few pounds and try to dress sharp. When i read your statement that she recently lost over 100 pounds I thought good riddance what has the world come to!?
There is no way she looks decent and I would be very suspicious of dating any woman who majored in "women's studies", reeks of a feminist if you ask me.
So, my advice is stop concentrating on women until you get in better shape, try to get down to around the 220 pound range and <20% BF.
After that as other posters mentioned try online dating but only use e-harmony or another legit site as all free sites are a cock-fest in US.

Post: #54

You can do both(keep talking to women, and keep working out and losing weight.) Mix in some cardio/stairmaster/elliptical/ instead of just lifting. Do plenty of stretching. Heated yoga classes would probably work wonders for you, try some in your area, most have a very friendly intro offer for new users(heavily discounted first month, free first week, free first 2 weeks, etc)

When you do go on dates, the best advice I had was to immediately treat the girl like she is already your girlfriend, and be touching her like you have been dating her for 6 months and that it is totally natural. That made a big difference for me, when I first started years ago, I would build up too much comfort and not make their pussy wet enough. You have to be willing to hit the killswitch to try to get them back to your apartment and into bed.

Post: #55

Quote:my advice is stop concentrating on women until you get in better shape

I obviously agree... that's why I rarely actually ask girls out. "Getting in shape" has been a multi-year project.

Post: #56

(10-23-2016 04:53 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Quote:my advice is stop concentrating on women until you get in better shape

I obviously agree... that's why I rarely actually ask girls out. "Getting in shape" has been a multi-year project.

I don't think the two need to be mutually exclusive. You may do better or worse, depending on your physique, though I don't think it matters nearly as much as most believe. If dating and meeting girls is important to you, then 'cutting' becomes an excuse not to take action. As you say, it has been a multi-year project. You could cut to 15% bf in 6 months, healthily, and without any significant disruption to your training or lifestyle - as you well know.

I think it is important to you to have a healthy sex life. You're obviously not concerned with having an unusually active sex life, but I get the impression that you feel that some steady female companionship would improve your perception of your life. It would be a good thing, I think, to spend some time focusing on that, putting your training into maintenance mode, and adjusting your diet to cut a little weight, if that is still a goal for you.

If you need help with the diet/accountability, then there are many people here who I am sure would be only to happy to help you.

Post: #57

Get in better shape?



WIA

Post: #58

(10-23-2016 03:45 PM)TripleG Wrote:  

(10-23-2016 11:19 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

(10-22-2016 08:35 PM)Chowder Head Wrote:  Rex, what do you look like?

6'1", 260, 26% BF. I would say somewhat "builtfat" is the best description - I'd like to lose about 35lbs. Hair thinning a bit in the front.

Rex your height is the envy of most guys in the forums so use that to your advantage. Lose a few pounds and try to dress sharp. When i read your statement that she recently lost over 100 pounds I thought good riddance what has the world come to!?
There is no way she looks decent and I would be very suspicious of dating any woman who majored in "women's studies", reeks of a feminist if you ask me.
So, my advice is stop concentrating on women until you get in better shape, try to get down to around the 220 pound range and <20% BF.
After that as other posters mentioned try online dating but only use e-harmony or another legit site as all free sites are a cock-fest in US.

I disagree with this advice. Losing weight is fine, but don't put off pursuing women any longer. You've waited long enough. If you go out in public, it won't take long to see a man who you could beat in the looks department, with a woman you'd be willing to bang.

The chick you dated was down. Find another like her, that passes the boner test. Heck, you might find yourself thinking about this chick's tits, or imagining yourself squeezing that ass as she rides you, and give her another call. I'd be careful not to get involved, but you were interested initially, so why not grab her in the pussy? Your lack of interest on the first date probably enabled you to show more confidence in your conversation with her. She texted you that she's interested. If she is, then others will be too.

Go for it!

Post: #59

Post what you ate this weekend.

It shouldn't be a multi year project unless you want it to be. I lost 20 pounds in 2 months, I stopped eating shitty food and did some cardio.

Post: #60

Alright I'll start a diet thread. I've tracked everything I've eaten for the past 3.5 years on myfitnesspal.

When I first joined RVF I was told to lift and get strong. Went from 215 to 255 and got wicked fat. So then I spent a year dieting back down to 220. Then I felt I was still weak so I bulked back up to 265.

Post: #61

(10-24-2016 07:51 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Alright I'll start a diet thread. I've tracked everything I've eaten for the past 3.5 years on myfitnesspal.

When I first joined RVF I was told to lift and get strong. Went from 215 to 255 and got wicked fat. So then I spent a year dieting back down to 220. Then I felt I was still weak so I bulked back up to 265.

Dude you are 6'1, depending on the physique you want you shouldnt be higher than 220 at most. Hell Mike CF is your height and 210.

Post: #62

(10-24-2016 07:51 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Alright I'll start a diet thread. I've tracked everything I've eaten for the past 3.5 years on myfitnesspal.

When I first joined RVF I was told to lift and get strong. Went from 215 to 255 and got wicked fat. So then I spent a year dieting back down to 220. Then I felt I was still weak so I bulked back up to 265.

Rex, if you feel good at 265, stay at 265. I see plenty big/muscular guys with cute chicks. Hell, I was around 280 when I met my gf (and she is cute/slim). And I wasn't a muscular 280 -- I was a fatty. I'm down to 195 right now. But I think some girls like muscular/bulky guys -- it makes them feel safe. Your issue may be confidence. I agree with eradicator and H1N1 -- keep approaching and work on what YOU think is your weakness. I met my girl on line getting food -- if I can get a cute chick anyone can. And read Gio's approaches and kaotic's posts in the Player's Lounge.

Post: #63

100% agree with what wi30 said about online dating. I've been part of RVF for over three years. I made all sorts of excuses to myself why I wasn't getting girls: I'm introverted, I live in the middle of nowhere, I can't dress well, I'm out of shape, I hate clubs/parties, I'm short. Yes, all those things were true, but they were just excuses.

Then I got on Tinder (I'm in my mid-20s) a year ago. I was very reluctant to try online dating, I was also nervous to put my picture/face on some app for everyone to see. Whatever, just more excuses. It was really frustrating at the beginning - I couldn't get numbers/dates to save my life.

That said, my game significantly improved. Despite all the disadvantages I listed above, I've matched with hundreds of girls (gotten close to 100 numbers now), improved my texting game and gone on 15 dates within ~8 months. Fell in love for the first time, had my heart broken, had sex for the first time, got blow jobs on first dates, have a fuck buddy now. All because of online dating!

Although too early to tell, it's starting to affect my day-to-day interaction with girls. This past weekend I went out with a few friends and we were on the dance floor. I saw a girl and went straight to dancing with her. Nothing happened because her friend came and cock blocked me. Haha - but I was the only guy there who even tried something.

If you struggle with day game or night game and you haven't gone on dates in years...please use online dating. I know this forum exalts gaming in real life above online dating. I know this forum considers online dating a crutch, something to be used on top of day/night game. But holy shit, if you're not getting even one number in real life, please use online dating. It will do you miracles.

Post: #64

(10-22-2016 10:03 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Well I guess this whole thing is a big

No!

Control your frame and attitude!

You control those things!

--

This was a first step in your journey towards self improvement and self discovery..

Don't let your psychological "inner critic" categorize this as anything less than an opportunity for growth

Don't feel sorry for yourself!

I will not accept that from you.

Be more aggressive and intelligent about improvement!

We are going to help you!

(10-22-2016 10:03 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  I was totally fine just staying in the moment

I'm not surprised.

You always seemed like a cool guy.

I was shocked to learn that you hadn't dated in 12 years!

(10-22-2016 10:03 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  I am really at the bottom.

No.

Control your attitude and perspective.

You have your health and freedom + the opportunity for change!

If you want to get better, you can.

(10-22-2016 10:03 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Need some more leads.

We will work on how to generate more leads!

What is your primary method for generating new leads?

What is your secondary method for generating new leads?

(10-22-2016 10:57 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Sometimes it's almost like people don't believe me.

I believe you.

That's why I want to help you.

(10-23-2016 11:19 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  6'1", 260, 26% BF.

Hair thinning

Look into hair growth technology. Don't we have a thread for that?

26% body fat? I will help you improve this!

(10-23-2016 04:53 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Getting in shape has been a multi-year project.

Your project hasn't worked.

Time to get a new plan.

Get help. We all need a little help sometimes!

Who can help you with this?

(10-24-2016 07:51 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Alright I'll start a diet thread.

Start the thread But... More importantly, start thinking about the changes that you can make with your diet and fitness routine.

Less alcohol.

Less soda.

Less meat.

Less eating out.

Less junk food.

Start thinking about change,

(10-24-2016 07:51 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  I've tracked everything I've eaten for the past 3.5 years on myfitnesspal.

Can I see this?

(10-24-2016 07:51 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  When I first joined RVF I was told to lift and get strong. Went from 215 to 255 and got wicked fat.

We don't want you to be fat.

Send me your diet and lets get started.

It's not even that difficult.

*****

Also, I think you should immediately visit a legal brothel and allow yourself some sexual gratification.

I think there is a time in a mans life when he needs the convenience of a brothel and there should be no shame in that.

You need sex. Get the sex. Alot of it..

Then, after you feel satisfied and your sexual mind is at peace.. Start to think about how you can improve your life.. What changes can you make that will improve your quality of life and your romantic opportunities.. You may have to make drastic change.. It might not be easy..

I encouraged you to go fucking crazy -- in pursuit of a better life.

Hunt a higher level of food and romance.

Post: #65

(10-24-2016 08:46 PM)Giovonny Wrote:  [quote='RexImperator' pid='1425253' dateline='1477239576']
6'1", 260, 26% BF.

Hair thinning

Shave your head. Works for me.

Post: #66

(10-23-2016 04:53 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Quote:my advice is stop concentrating on women until you get in better shape

I obviously agree... that's why I rarely actually ask girls out. "Getting in shape" has been a multi-year project.

I think the last thing you should do is find further reason/excuse to extend the 12 years further. Contrary to the above, I think you are certainly not in danger of concentrating too much on women, or that you're lacking focus on yourself- this decade plus without female affection makes that apparent.

You said yourself- "getting in shape" has been a multi year project, and it would be all to easy to extend this for another multiple amount of years, giving yourself an excuse to not get out and interact with women.

There will always be something you perceive as imperfect or not complete about yourself. If you keep on this thought process you will wake up and it will be 5 more years down the line, years you don't get back.

There is no need to wait on one the best parts of a man's life in order to first fix just this last thing, or lose just 20 more pounds. You can start finding the satisfaction you're looking for right now, today, while you work on those things.

Do not wait until you feel all is perfect about yourself, because that day will never come.

Post: #67

Any time you are thinking "this is impossible, it can't be done, this is a multi year process, watch this video





It is the story of Arthur, he was jumping out of planes in the army, got up to like 300 pounds and was walking around on crutches just to get around. He started yoga and wow did things ever change for him.

In your case, I don't necessarily think you need yoga, but some stretching and cardio would help if you are just doing weights. Mix things up. Keep a positive attitude, and watch this video when you are in a funk. I can't watch this and not be motivated.

Post: #68

Rex -- I don't want to write motivating things or stories over here because you're being honest with us and are not looking for sympathy.

We're all hoping you pull through and get in shape and be and stay happy etc.
But you know as well as the rest of us that only advice is useless and you need action to supplement philosophy.
Gio and a couple of other posters have some great advice for you, you just need to start implementing that shit and start the slow hard climb back to normalcy and hopefully far beyond. I'd really urge you to take advantage of all the resources on the forum to really change your life for the better (not that there is anything inherently bad with your life or anything, just that it is possible to improve it).

First we get no girls, then we get the fat girls, then the girls who don't disgust us, then the cute ones, then the ones who we really like etc. Its not a linear path, of course, but I'd urge you to figure out a couple of points you can potentially fix in the span of the next couple of months and make a thread detailing your progress -- and try and be as objective and honest as you can. This is an online forum and no one really cares about your real identity. If nothing else, the mere act of documenting your efforts goes some way in helping you know stay conscious of your progress or lack thereof, and generating enough momentum towards future efforts.

You've generated a lot of goodwill over the past couple of years on the forum, and A LOT of people will genuinely try to help fix whatever you think needs to be fixed, so I really hope you do take some action towards this.

Post: #69

(10-22-2016 10:03 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  On the other hand I was totally fine just staying in the moment and conversing and joking about whatever for 3 hours. I practiced my conversation skills. Anyway, I decided to friend-zone myself by absolutely zero escalation, and hopefully exiting gracefully. However, even before getting home I had a text saying she wanted to meet up again.

Oh well, it was a good experience. But it shows me that I am really at the bottom.

Need some more leads.

I genuinely enjoyed reading about your first date in 12 years. You are not at the bottom because you actually turned down this girl that was interested in banging you. Learn from it that your actual disinterest probably helped her be interested and apply that thought process to future dates.

I look forward to you making more leads and soon be hearing about your 12th date or your 12th date in 1-2 months. You're 6'1" and 260 there are girls that love your build and if you commit to being built but not high body fat percentage you will find that even MORE girls love that build.

Best newbie forum thread in a bit.

Post: #70

Quote:Gio and a couple of other posters have some great advice for you, you just need to start implementing that shit and start the slow hard climb back to normalcy and hopefully far beyond. I'd really urge you to take advantage of all the resources on the forum to really change your life for the better (not that there is anything inherently bad with your life or anything, just that it is possible to improve it).

Absolutely. Some very inspiring replies in this thread, I must say. Should I make new separate diet/fitness and dating threads or just use this one? I will share my food diary via PM with members with a decent number of reps. At 260lbs., I don't think I look terrible, but... not good shirtless. I'd say I have the build somewhat like if you imagined a rugby player but with too much belly fat. I made the commitment a month ago to stop gaining weight because I was clearly heading towards the Roy Nelson look.

Post: #71

you should have fucked her even though she's fat. 12 years is a long time.. I don't like banging fat chicks, but if I'm in a 12 year dry spell I'll take anything I can get. If I find myself in a dry spell for more than a few months I'll drastically lower my standards. Get a hooker

Post: #72

(10-25-2016 09:23 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Quote:Gio and a couple of other posters have some great advice for you, you just need to start implementing that shit and start the slow hard climb back to normalcy and hopefully far beyond. I'd really urge you to take advantage of all the resources on the forum to really change your life for the better (not that there is anything inherently bad with your life or anything, just that it is possible to improve it).

Absolutely. Some very inspiring replies in this thread, I must say. Should I make new separate diet/fitness and dating threads or just use this one? I will share my food diary via PM with members with a decent number of reps. At 260lbs., I don't think I look terrible, but... not good shirtless. I'd say I have the build somewhat like if you imagined a rugby player but with too much belly fat. I made the commitment a month ago to stop gaining weight because I was clearly heading towards the Roy Nelson look.

Perhaps a group message with members you feel may be able to help? I'd be happy to find some time to provide input on diet, as a support to Gio or whoever else would take the lead on advising you. I'm the same height, 190lbs -ish and hover around 12% bodyfat without really having to think about it. I think you might be surprised how quickly you could get the physique you're talking about and what it might do for your mood and motivation.

Post: #73

(10-25-2016 09:23 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Should I make new separate thread or just use this one?

Use this thread!

This is YOUR thread!

Let's get started!

(10-25-2016 09:23 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  I will share my food diary via PM

Send me your food diary.

We can starting making changes today!

(10-25-2016 10:08 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  I'm the same height, 190lbs -ish and hover around 12% bodyfat

This man can help you.

--

Let's get to work!

I'm excited for you!

I hope you REALLY WANT to change because the most important factor in all of this is YOUR DESIRE TO CHANGE! That is everything! If you want to change, you can.

This is literally life or death!

Make your choice!

Post: #74

Yes Gio, I absolutely do want to change. I'm in 100%.

Post: #75

H1N1 Wrote:Perhaps a group message with members you feel may be able to help? I'd be happy to find some time to provide input on diet, as a support to Gio or whoever else would take the lead on advising you. I'm the same height, 190lbs -ish and hover around 12% bodyfat without really having to think about it. I think you might be surprised how quickly you could get the physique you're talking about and what it might do for your mood and motivation.

I'd be up for that. I was thinking about starting a thread titled, "How do I switch from strength to physique training?" So far I was thinking: go into caloric deficit, reduce lifting from 4x to 3x/week (longer recovery), and go a little easier in the gym (I've tended to get injured in the past when pushing too hard while dieting). From what I've read, muscle loss is actually minimal until you get below 10-12% BF anyway, so there's nothing to worry about there.