Post: #151

I can only guess that guys who don't get laid in so long have given up trying without ever having made a serious effort to improve.

If you really have no clue how to improve the areas commonly recommended on the forum then get some help.

Fitness: Get a personal trainer
Diet: See a nutritionist
Style: Get a consultation with someone who can advise (google wardrobe consultation and the name of your nearest city)

Create an online dating profile
Take a dancing class
Go to meetups

Talk to girls, ask them out, identify at what point the interaction stalls then ask for advice on here.

Implement said advice.

Rinse, repeat.

Progress.

If you keep doing this you will start to see improvement. If you don't you'll be forever stuck.

There are threads on this forum going back several years addressing every area in which you could use a bit of help. Search, read, take notes and make an effort.

I don't mean to come across as harsh but advice only goes so far, and there's more than enough on here already to get anybody started. It's up to you to actually get going.

Post: #152

Sounds like you might not understand the frustrations of a blue-pilled approach to dating for many years. By 2005 I experienced some life setbacks, figured I was too old, and I did give up. I only found this place in 2013. You can imagine how far things can slide in eight years.

I've made huge improvements in the last few years. But, it takes time to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

Post: #153

That last post was in response to subterfuge Rex but I guess it applies to anyone starting from the bottom rung.

For any guy that's stuck in a rut it's important to get started right away because the longer you leave it the harder it gets.

What steps have you taken since your date?

Post: #154

(10-28-2016 06:52 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Sounds like you might not understand the frustrations of a blue-pilled approach to dating for many years. By 2005 I experienced some life setbacks, figured I was too old, and I did give up. I only found this place in 2013. You can imagine how far things can slide in eight years.

The best way to definitively kick your blue pills remains, is to be directly confronted with the current dating reality.
If I were you, I'd create a profile in the current hookup apps, line as many coffee dates with random girls as possible, and develop your Game.
It won't prevent you from reaching your body fat percentage's goal, in the same time, it'll even help motivate you more.

After each date, analyse your results (or post them here to get them analysed), see what worked, what didn't.
How did she react when you said this?
Did it help escalate when you did that?
Did you end up getting the bang, and why?
Etc.

After meeting dozens of girls, you'll see paterns, you'll see women hive's mind, and will slowly learn to use it to your benefit.
I'm sure you'll do well dude, stay confident in your abilities.

Post: #155

(10-28-2016 06:52 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Sounds like you might not understand the frustrations of a blue-pilled approach to dating for many years. By 2005 I experienced some life setbacks, figured I was too old, and I did give up. I only found this place in 2013. You can imagine how far things can slide in eight years.

I've made huge improvements in the last few years. But, it takes time to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

Too old?? Damn, you were 30. You're only 40 -- you have a lot of time to make more improvements. I think this thread will help a lot of guys who are lurking that are in similar situations.

Post: #156

I see plenty of men in their 40s at dance events.

I see plenty of men with social difficulties, actual conditions, and other issues at dance events.

It's probably the most friendly, welcoming environment I can think of for a shy or less socially active man.

You are also paying, through lessons from the instructors, for advice on body posture, nonverbal communication, social cues, etc. For lessons, you don't even have to approach girls. They come to you as part of the class structure. So you can focus on building confidence and competency before you go out on a dance night outside of lessons and start asking girls to dance.

Hands down the best bang for your buck. No drinking required.

Even the guys with no rhythm at all eventually overcame that. Almost everyone eventually calibrated to the social cues. Your feedback is constant and generally helpful.

If the scene doesn't offer that, there are other genres and scenes in an area as populated as yours.

Post: #157

(10-28-2016 06:52 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Sounds like you might not understand the frustrations of a blue-pilled approach to dating for many years. By 2005 I experienced some life setbacks, figured I was too old, and I did give up. I only found this place in 2013. You can imagine how far things can slide in eight years.

I've made huge improvements in the last few years. But, it takes time to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

It comes to my mind an overused phrase, but this is the first day of the rest of your life.

The past is dead, give back to fears, look inwards and find the courage to go forward and change.

You are not navigating without sail or wind, there is plenty of us here to give advice and for you to reach out to. The tide is on your side...and a high tide will come to take you to a better shore in life/dating market. Just follow her....

This is the first day of the rest of your life!

Post: #158

(10-28-2016 06:52 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  Sounds like you might not understand the frustrations of a blue-pilled approach to dating for many years. By 2005 I experienced some life setbacks, figured I was too old, and I did give up. I only found this place in 2013. You can imagine how far things can slide in eight years.

I've made huge improvements in the last few years. But, it takes time to dig yourself out of a deep hole.

I guess there's lots that I don't understand but I think everybody has got to hold themselves accountable to some degree for their own personal circumstances.

An ex girlfriend once told me once that I was too easy on myself. I analysed what she said and I realised she was right, because I had worked away for a few years and had some cash stashed away I was going through life on auto pilot. I wasn't pushing myself, and because of that something was missing.

I was also in a bit of a rut. I was comfortable and fairly content but I didn't know what to do next, I had lost my edge. Since then I figured I had to make a decision and started pushing myself forward, I relit the fire in my belly. My life still isn't perfect, there are areas that I still need to work on, but I know what I want and I'm taking action to get there, and do you know what? It feels good, because that's what life is all about.

I'm happier now with goals and ambitions in front of me than I was at the end of a previous journey with no purpose and a pile of cash in the bank.

There are times when I make good progress and there are times when my progress stalls, but I'm always mindful that I have to keep moving forward. Now nothing scares me more than falling into a rut, because when you are in that rut you're not living, you are merely existing, and that's not what life is all about.

I think you are too easy on yourself Rex. If you need help beyond what the forum can offer it's up to you to go seek it out. You owe it to yourself.

Post: #159

Well I think I got myself out of seeing this girl. She asked if I wanted to do dinner or a movie so I suggested volunteering instead...for Trump's campaign. MAGA!

Quote:Received Oct 22, 2016 12:15:14 AM
Thanks again, I had a great time. It was nice to see you outside of the gym! Let's do something soon

Sent Oct 25, 2016 12:24:08 PM
Cool. I was thinking of hiking this weekend but looks like it will be rainy

Received Oct 25, 2016 2:13:52 PM
A short hike wouldn't be too bad in the rain assuming it's not pouring. We could always do something else like see a movie or dinner if you're up for it.
I hope your exam went well yesterday!

Received Oct 28, 2016 9:07:10 AM
Hey ---, just wanted to touch base and see what's up for the weekend and if you want to make plans

Sent Oct 28, 2016 11:51:31 AM
Maybe we could do some volunteer work

Received Oct 28, 2016 12:20:04 PM
Sure, that sounds good to me What do you have in mind?

Sent Oct 28, 2016 3:29:57 PM
Knocking on doors for Trump

Received Oct 28, 2016 3:57:43 PM
To be honest I'm not very politically motivated or comfortable going to people's homes promoting something.

Post: #160

(10-28-2016 03:33 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Well I think I got myself out of seeing this girl. She asked if I wanted to do dinner or a movie so I suggested volunteering instead...for Trump's campaign. MAGA!

Quote:Received Oct 22, 2016 12:15:14 AM
Thanks again, I had a great time. It was nice to see you outside of the gym! Let's do something soon

Sent Oct 25, 2016 12:24:08 PM
Cool. I was thinking of hiking this weekend but looks like it will be rainy

Received Oct 25, 2016 2:13:52 PM
A short hike wouldn't be too bad in the rain assuming it's not pouring. We could always do something else like see a movie or dinner if you're up for it.
I hope your exam went well yesterday!

Received Oct 28, 2016 9:07:10 AM
Hey ---, just wanted to touch base and see what's up for the weekend and if you want to make plans

Sent Oct 28, 2016 11:51:31 AM
Maybe we could do some volunteer work

Received Oct 28, 2016 12:20:04 PM
Sure, that sounds good to me What do you have in mind?

Sent Oct 28, 2016 3:29:57 PM
Knocking on doors for Trump

Received Oct 28, 2016 3:57:43 PM
To be honest I'm not very politically motivated or comfortable going to people's homes promoting something.

Post: #161

Did you want to get rid of this girl? Why? Was this the chubby one?

There is the time and place for supporting the Trump train, and there's the time for blowing your load. You can do both and don't need to mix the two.

Should have responded yeah, come on over for some Chinese food and wine Saturday night, then get your dick sucked and much needed release and move on if you don't want her around anymore. You can do your volunteering on Sunday.

A few posts up you talk about climbing out of a hole, and you seemed interested in doing so, which is great. Then you post about declining a girl who seems like a good sport and wanted to get together.

I don't get this.

Post: #162

Rex, if you don't take any of all this generous and thoughtful advice, you are the dick of the century.

Post: #163

Rex, grab her by the pussy.

Post: #164

(10-28-2016 03:33 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  Well I think I got myself out of seeing this girl. She asked if I wanted to do dinner or a movie so I suggested volunteering instead...for Trump's campaign. MAGA!

Quote:Received Oct 22, 2016 12:15:14 AM
Thanks again, I had a great time. It was nice to see you outside of the gym! Let's do something soon

Sent Oct 25, 2016 12:24:08 PM
Cool. I was thinking of hiking this weekend but looks like it will be rainy

Received Oct 25, 2016 2:13:52 PM
A short hike wouldn't be too bad in the rain assuming it's not pouring. We could always do something else like see a movie or dinner if you're up for it.
I hope your exam went well yesterday!

Received Oct 28, 2016 9:07:10 AM
Hey ---, just wanted to touch base and see what's up for the weekend and if you want to make plans

Sent Oct 28, 2016 11:51:31 AM
Maybe we could do some volunteer work

Received Oct 28, 2016 12:20:04 PM
Sure, that sounds good to me What do you have in mind?

Sent Oct 28, 2016 3:29:57 PM
Knocking on doors for Trump

Received Oct 28, 2016 3:57:43 PM
To be honest I'm not very politically motivated or comfortable going to people's homes promoting something.

Man... what are you doing?

That was as disappointing.

Is this your standard MO? Do you get pleasure in trolling girls?

Yeah, I get it - she's not a looker and you're fine not banging her. But why close the door like this? Specially if you'll eventually run into her again?

To those suggesting Low T - I would be VERY surprised if that was the case. Rex is a big strong guy squatting 400lbs and who otherwise seems healthy. Look at the conversation above. That's not Low T, that's trolling and self-sabotaging.

Tough love but I'm on your side here man.

Honest question: does she 100% fail the boner test, or are you trolling/soft rejecting her because you know she wants to bang you and you're scared to have sex?

Post: #165

My guess is that OP blew this one unconsciously in order to avoid feeling the pain of rejection from a so so chick. That's not the way to go when you've been on the sideline for this long. She didn't completely shut off the door based on her response, so get back in there OP and try to get some. Success begets Sucess. If you fail, fail for real my friend!

Post: #166

^ I suspect he's self-sabotaging because he's afraid of change, intimacy, sex, whatever it may be. I comment as I used to operate the same way.

I'm just throwing out theories here, but maybe lack of sex/intimacy is part of his self-identity and when an opportunity arises he self-sobotages in order to protect his ego/self-identity???

Post: #167

Quote:Honest question: does she 100% fail the boner test, or are you trolling/soft rejecting her because you know she wants to bang you and you're scared to have sex?

Interesting question. I'd say it's probably 95% the first and 5% the second.

Post: #168

(10-28-2016 04:09 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  Rex doesn't seem depressed or sad, though. It' almost reminds me of me in a way. Sometimes people comment on how happy I seem. Like, I'm often singing or humming without realising it, and someone at work will say ''Damn, sub! How come you're always happy?! - someone got laid last night!!''

But I never get laid! So I should be sad! And even though it is very frustrtaing that I can't seduce girls, It is rarely on my mind. Every so often a friend might tell me about a threesome he had last night and i'll think ''Shit! I wish I could do that!'' but then I just forget about it! I think maybe i'm just a retard who is unable to get depressed!!

Maybe it's not as complicated as people seem - i.e he could just be someone who doesn't have game, and is also maybe not in the best shape so he can't just rely on good looks, and as a result, getting girls is just super hard? I'm guessing he's read 'bang' as I'm sure most people here would have

I actually know 2 people in my life who probably haven't got laid in maybe 8 years or so, and are a bit younger than rex, but I guess they could easily be at Rex's 20 year celebate point one day.

In the case of them guys, they both have good jobs. They both have some sort of social life (work nights out with colleagues, pub quiz nights with friends, beers on the weekends with other friends) BUT they just can't get laid.

@[email protected]
I bet there are more guys on these forums who have these issues than are willing to admit. I criticized Rex a bit earlier but to be honest I am not that far from him in terms of some of the struggles.
I am naturally introverted and only become outgoing if I drink or am in my "comfort zone" when hanging within my social circle. Unfortunately having a social life is not a cure-all as meeting women is still difficult in my area and online dating is a disaster (I have high standards...). My social circle is 90% guys and most of them are struggling just like I am with women or in dead-end relationships where the girl seems to be "wearing the pants". I don't get along with any of my friends wives/girlfriends.
Online dating where I live (Washington, DC) sucks...low response rates, ugly women and sites flooded with guys. Night game is horrible as everyone is at least a decade or so younger than me so that leaves only occasional day-game and evening game. I've been taking dance lessons for over a year now but that has not helped. Many women show up with partners and others are either too young or too old for me to try to pursue relationships. I talk to everyone during dances but frequently as the lead I am very self-conscious of my dance moves and the instructors criticism so dance-game is still a
work in progress
My T levels are probably out of whack as well though I do have plenty of energy at the gym to lift weights. It's strange though that as soon as I come back home I usually crash and have no energy to pursue dating and give up quickly
Only time I get motivated to pursue relationships is when I travel but unfortunately that only happens for a month or so per year. So,
To "remedy" my lack of success with women I've become a workaholic and am doing good financially however as the saying go's money does not bring happiness. Anyways, didn't want to highjack this thread just wanted to mention that I can relate to Rex somewhat.

Post: #169

@TripleG
I think Gmac still holds Washington DC meetups every month -- maybe meeting some forum members might help.

Post: #170

Have you considered seeing a therapist, Rex? Specifically one who specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)?

I suspect you have a lot of self-defeating beliefs/behaviors that go way beyond dating. That's not something that can be overcome with just self-help alone, in my experience.

Post: #171

(10-28-2016 10:34 PM)TripleG Wrote:  (Washington, DC)
I've been taking dance lessons for over a year now but that has not helped. Many women show up with partners and others are either too young or too old for me to try to pursue relationships. I talk to everyone during dances but frequently as the lead I am very self-conscious of my dance moves and the instructors criticism so dance-game is still a
work in progress

I probably should have posted about this years ago, but dance lessons in the D.C. area are a complete disaster. There are some decent instructors here, but the ratios couldn't be much worse, and when there are girls, they are pretty much the bottom of the barrel. I haven't been to a dance studio here in many years and even then, I was just teaching/helping out, but I'm pretty sure that things have only gotten worse. Luckily, you have a great solution. Just go to Baltimore and take lessons there. Good ratios, way better girls, much better vibe, cheaper. I'm really sorry that I didn't post that earlier.

Post: #172

(10-28-2016 10:34 PM)TripleG Wrote:  

(10-28-2016 04:09 AM)subterfuge Wrote:  Rex doesn't seem depressed or sad, though. It' almost reminds me of me in a way. Sometimes people comment on how happy I seem. Like, I'm often singing or humming without realising it, and someone at work will say ''Damn, sub! How come you're always happy?! - someone got laid last night!!''

But I never get laid! So I should be sad! And even though it is very frustrtaing that I can't seduce girls, It is rarely on my mind. Every so often a friend might tell me about a threesome he had last night and i'll think ''Shit! I wish I could do that!'' but then I just forget about it! I think maybe i'm just a retard who is unable to get depressed!!

Maybe it's not as complicated as people seem - i.e he could just be someone who doesn't have game, and is also maybe not in the best shape so he can't just rely on good looks, and as a result, getting girls is just super hard? I'm guessing he's read 'bang' as I'm sure most people here would have

I actually know 2 people in my life who probably haven't got laid in maybe 8 years or so, and are a bit younger than rex, but I guess they could easily be at Rex's 20 year celebate point one day.

In the case of them guys, they both have good jobs. They both have some sort of social life (work nights out with colleagues, pub quiz nights with friends, beers on the weekends with other friends) BUT they just can't get laid.

@[email protected]
I bet there are more guys on these forums who have these issues than are willing to admit. I criticized Rex a bit earlier but to be honest I am not that far from him in terms of some of the struggles.
I am naturally introverted and only become outgoing if I drink or am in my "comfort zone" when hanging within my social circle. Unfortunately having a social life is not a cure-all as meeting women is still difficult in my area and online dating is a disaster (I have high standards...). My social circle is 90% guys and most of them are struggling just like I am with women or in dead-end relationships where the girl seems to be "wearing the pants". I don't get along with any of my friends wives/girlfriends.
Online dating where I live (Washington, DC) sucks...low response rates, ugly women and sites flooded with guys. Night game is horrible as everyone is at least a decade or so younger than me so that leaves only occasional day-game and evening game. I've been taking dance lessons for over a year now but that has not helped. Many women show up with partners and others are either too young or too old for me to try to pursue relationships. I talk to everyone during dances but frequently as the lead I am very self-conscious of my dance moves and the instructors criticism so dance-game is still a
work in progress
My T levels are probably out of whack as well though I do have plenty of energy at the gym to lift weights. It's strange though that as soon as I come back home I usually crash and have no energy to pursue dating and give up quickly
Only time I get motivated to pursue relationships is when I travel but unfortunately that only happens for a month or so per year. So,
To "remedy" my lack of success with women I've become a workaholic and am doing good financially however as the saying go's money does not bring happiness. Anyways, didn't want to highjack this thread just wanted to mention that I can relate to Rex somewhat.

Would like to meet you one day. Thanks also for your honesty in this post. And I am not going to give here great news, since you know well that your "remedy" is what is bringing you lack of success with women. I have yet to meet a workahilic who is successful with them, including myself in a not so distant time in my life, though I was more naive since I was still in mid 20s, and thought that working a lot would bring me happiness in every aspect of life. 50s style, meet nice girl, settle, buy a house a car, and have lots of babies...Then I realized that barmans, bikers, bouncers, drug dealers...and so on...bang all the nice ladies...

Now here I am, I work what I have to work, professional to the bone, but no more than I should...and also turned to one of the most liar, cold, schematic and cynical mofo with women...but sure I have been banging.

Post: #173

Gio Wrote:Also, if you feel that I am being too eager and aggressive about this.. Let me know, I can chill out if you want me to.. But, unless you stop me, my style is to be very aggressive and confrontational.. I want to go fast not slow!

Your posts are super high energy and I do appreciate that. It's great and inspirational. Of course, I personally like to take things a little slower and more thoughfully.

I don't think I would want to visit a prostitute as I'm not comfortable with that sort of thing. I'm not passing judgement on other guys who do it but it's not part of how I was brought up.

You might think that not having sex for a long time causes the pressure/urge to do so and dissatisfaction to build and build. It does, but eventually it actually subsides and then you realize it's not that important in the scheme of things. You realize that it won't make you happier, since happiness is more of an acceptance and a choice you make in how you approach the world. On the other hand once you are past that you have freedom of action to make changes as you see fit, without neediness.

If I'm going to go through with the effort and risk of having sex I'd like it to be with a girl I'm reasonably attracted to.

Post: #174

(10-29-2016 05:50 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Gio Wrote:Also, if you feel that I am being too eager and aggressive about this.. Let me know, I can chill out if you want me to.. But, unless you stop me, my style is to be very aggressive and confrontational.. I want to go fast not slow!

Your posts are super high energy and I do appreciate that. It's great and inspirational. Of course, I personally like to take things a little slower and more thoughfully.

I don't think I would want to visit a prostitute as I'm not comfortable with that sort of thing. I'm not passing judgement on other guys who do it but it's not part of how I was brought up.

You might think that not having sex for a long time causes the pressure/urge to do so and dissatisfaction to build and build. It does, but eventually it actually subsides and then you realize it's not that important in the scheme of things. You realize that it won't make you happier, since happiness is more of an acceptance and a choice you make in how you approach the world. On the other hand once you are past that you have freedom of action to make changes as you see fit, without neediness.

If I'm going to go through with the effort and risk of having sex I'd like it to be with a girl I'm reasonably attracted to.

Your last sentence...not sure if serious...
"Effort" and "Risk" of having sex? and has to be with a girl you are reasonably attracted to?...

Sorry, not going to happen. You can wait another 20 years or forever since you are a psychological eunuchus.

What do you want? Bang 8s after 20 years whitout sex?

This thread will be going forever in circles...

Post: #175

Quote:What do you want? Bang 8s after 20 years whitout sex?

No, but I think the girl should at least be a six.